I was laying in bed with Brad Pitt in my dream last night. You see, I was in the bed because he and Angelina Jolie offered for me to sleep on the fourth floor spiral staircase tower but when I got up there it was only barstools and totally windy I was afraid of heights, so the only other place for me was in the bed next to Brad Pitt, obviously. We were only looking at a photo of him and a bunch of kids lined up on some 1970's basement stairs. In the back, there was a framed picture that said, Minnesota. I was hilarious when I said *out of the side of my mouth, in 1930s-newspaper-worker-accent and with hand up like a mock Vlassic pickle*, "Minnesota? I'm pretty sure I've been in that basement." He laughed.
Angelina Jolie came in the room and jumped to an incorrect conclusion. She was wearing a very strange outfit. When I saw it, I quipped *out of the side of my mouth, in 1930s-newspaper-worker-accent and with hand up like a mock Vlassic pickle*, "Wow, that outfit is like equal parts Rosie the Riveter, G.I. Joe, and Pippi Longstocking." Then she dramatically loaded a double barrel shotgun -- the kind you bend in half to put the shells in -- and I begged her not to shoot me but she did anyway. Right in the shoulder and even in the dream it hurt real bad.
I started to sort of scream and make weird noises, and then I decided that was embarrassing and cut it out. As I was bleeding to death, I asked them if they didn't mind if I called my mom. I called her, dying, laughing about how I was totally calling from BRAD and ANGELINA's cell phone. I told her I was probably dying but still cracking jokes about ending up in some gossip magazine like the Star Trib (even in my dream I realized this was in error) in a weird love triangle that didn't exist.
Then Angelina Jolie ran outside like a crazy person and threw the shotgun in the snow. I looked at Brad and said, *out of the side of my mouth, in 1930s-newspaper-worker-accent and with hand up like a mock Vlassic pickle* "that's a really bad idea", and we laughed.
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| "Kady, you are hiLARious in your dreams." |
My reaction: "she called her mom when she was dying instead of me?"
ReplyDeleteWow! That's quite the dream...
ReplyDeleteI had this same dream except Angelina's leg shot me.
ReplyDeleteIs your 1930's accent like Groucho Marx with with a cigar? And I keep looking for the footnote when you use those *'s. If there was a 'like' button, I would 'like' what dbs said. And you and Hobo Siren, of course.
ReplyDeleteHobo Siren you usually make an appearance...I guess I wanted this dream to myself.
ReplyDeletehaha dbs.
Chris, there's so few ways to gesture while I'm typing my stories. The * is just sort of a clue that my hands would be doing something if I were telling you in person.