New Invention

"A hill, a steep hill, made entirely of carpet laid upside down, that I can slide down, naked."

-My niece Hanna, after a particularily horrible bout with Poison Ivy.

Farm Girl for Reals

My dad bought a grader from the distant past.  In fact I think it drove here in the DeLorean.  It cost $500.  And it's sole purpose is to level out the driveway.  I thought that was a fool notion, buying a $500, six-ton machine to do one job.  I don't believe in buying expensive equipment that only has one use. 

However, it's really fun.  The other day we scraped and graded and today we leveled out the driveway.  Next we're going to do the neighbor's!  (Because it's so dern much fun.)  My job is to stand on the back and lower and raise the grader as needed.  The ancient gears don't want to turn though because they've been in one position for 76 years, and so today we had to chain the blade to a tree in order to jar it loose because it was stuck at an angle, and we needed to straighten it out.  Then we greased it up and adjusted it just right.  And now the driveway is perfect.  Dad says we won't have any standing water come next spring.

This way...

...and that way

Click here to see realtime video of the hard work we do up here on the farm.

Lake of the Woods, Vol.2

Family Day, Week 3.
 
I went fishing with 'The Bickersons' on Lake of the Woods.  They caught three small saugers and I caught nothin'.  NOTHIN'!  This lake is really pretty, though and it's real fun imagining my dad's $100, 14-foot tin crapheap taking on too much water in the middle of the lake and having to save my life and theirs while they argue over who's fault it was. 

Not a trophy, but makes for good eats!

There is So Much Going On...

I haven't been posting every day, but folks, there is SO much going on up here in the north woods.  For example: (and this is straight out of The Northern Light, Lake of the Woods County's premier newspaper).

• P.* and B.B. visited V. and V.F. Friday July 12th.  C.S. was their supper guest that evening.  Wednesday morning R.S. was a coffee guest.  July 15th V. stepped out of the house wondering what Keno the dog was watching.  There stood two huge timberwolves at the end of the driveway.  Keno went after them.  Luckily V. was able to get the dog to come back.
• Little C.D. had a sleepover on Friday night with Grandpa and Grandma D.
• After seeing my mother get out of the wheelchair at the Back Home Days program last Friday, I said she and L.N. could be on Dancing with the Stars.  Hollywood will be calling!  Mom is a hard act to follow.
• A.S., the good Norwegian, has been baking blueberry pies in the hot/humid weather, getting ready for B.T.'s family coming from Alaska on July 25.
• J. L. visited friends in the area while spending a week out by the lake in a niece's trailer home.  J. keeps busy making crafts.
• Mom enjoys the mail and watching the Twins games with J.W. and visiting on the phone with family and friends.  Thank you for your prayers!
• July 10th J.S. and J. went shopping in Bemidji.  They enjoyed eating crab legs at The Super Buffet before they came home.  R. stayed with E. while J. and J. were in Bemidji.  July 8th D. S. rode up from St. Cloud with R. and J. for a visit.  R. and J. are building a home over behind K. and V. P.'s.

It keeps going, folks.  With all this hub-bub, it's hard to get my regular tasks done, like blogging and napping.  But I'll see if I can't get a handle on it all.  Just for you.



*Names have been shortened to protect privacy.

Professional

My mom and I finally opened the last few boxes from the move, which were all of her framed family photos, and arranged them in her bedroom. 

Included were the three professional photos that exist of our family.  This first one was taken at the mall in International Falls, MN.  They must have adertised in the paper because I can't think of any possible reason that the eight of us would have been at the mall together.  I remember having fun picking out my outfit, but throwing a fit because the hat didn't match.  They tried to tell me that it didn't matter because the photo would be black-and-white, but that didn't make sense to me.  Also everybody told me NOT to smile, because people in the olden days didn't smile.  I thought that was total crap.  Poor olden day people!  I guess they meant they didn't smile in photos.  I rebelled and smiled anyway.

1982?

I have no memory of this next one.  Statistics show that at least 3 in 8 Hexums will feather their hair.  Check out Keri's perm-mullet:

1984?

This one was the 30th Anniversary photo for my parents.  Somebody had the great idea to all wear denim. (Keri).  I hate my hair in this picture, but at least I don't have a piece of poop on my upper lip (Pete).

1997

Lake of the Woods

I got to go fishing on Lake of the Woods the other day with Jim Riley, who owns and operates Into the Wild Adventures.  He books fishing and hunting trips all over the world and has stamps in his passport that could rival even my own.  He is staying at the resort where I work for the summer, and offered to take us out in the boat.  For free!  I caught the biggest walleye that anyone has ever caught of my life.  We couldn't have asked for better weather.  Not too hot, not too cold...in fact, I really didn't care that much about catching fish at all, lest it interrupt my fabulously relaxing day in the boat.

Ahhhhhhhhh...I almost forgot I'm a waitress.

Gentleman Jim changed out my jiggers, baited my hook, and netted my fish. He even looked the other way when I had to pee off the side of the boat.  I can't say the same for the neighboring launches, but I digress. 

Now you know I have a policy never to touch anything icky, and so of course I had never touched a fish in my life. But Jim got me to hold up my walleye for a few photos.  You can probably tell by my face that I was calm, easy, and relaxed freaking right out and hyperventilating, "it's looking at me! It's looking at me. It's LOOKING AT ME.  Is it going to poop on me?  I think it might poop on me!  How do I release it?  What do I do?  It's looking.at.me!  Oh my God.  Oh my God." And then when I had to throw it back into the lake I about died because I was SURE it was going to get caught on my hand and take me with it, then gather up all its friends to pierce MY lip for revenge.

What a beaut!  The fish, obviously.

Oh and Jim caught some fish too:

We won't discuss how big his fish was.

So anyway, if you're into hunting and fishing and the like, and maybe you have a hankering to go to Argentina or New Zealand or Africa for that matter, check out Jim's webpage.

Crushed Dreams and Country Justice

I'm still getting over a nasty cough, so today I drifted in and out of consciousness until 1pm. My mom was downstairs watching the weirdest crap on TV (I could only hear it) and finally I was like, "what IS this?" She told me it was a dumb movie on the Lifetime Movie Network. Well, she watched like three in a row. So around 1pm when I finally decided to get out of bed, I yelled down the stairs that she had to change the channel before she got into yet another crappy Lifetime movie. It wasn't disrespectful, promise. More like a 'you'll thank me later' thing.

Anyway, we ended up watching a cute little movie called Morning Glory with Rachel McAdams, Diane Keaton and Harrison Ford. I loved it.  But -- in it, there is a scene where Rachel McAdams loses her job and she's talking to her mom, who was kind of mean, and basically told her to give up her dream of being an Executive Producer of a popular morning talk show. I think the quote went something like this:

"When you were 8, [your dream] was adorable; when you were 18, it was inspiring, but now, at 28, it's officially embarrassing. Let's stop before it becomes heartbreaking."

Isn't that MEAN!? So I said to MY mom, "don't you ever crush my dreams like that!"

And she said, "YOUR dreams? You? Who wouldn't let me watch 'Country Justice'?"





p.s.
I was searching for a google image for this post, and found this hilarious blog, a movie review site Specially for the Lifetime Movie Network:
http://www.mothermayisleepwithlifetime.com/

Here is a post specifically about 'Country Justice', including a synopsis:
http://mothermayisleepwithlifetime.blogspot.com/2011/01/county-justice.html

Dear Ryan Gosling...

Dear Ryan Gosling, are you sure you won't reconsider my dinner date invitation? I know I probably called you at a very busy time...what with you promoting your new movie and everything...but, let's look at the facts:

• I am a very good cook
• I am trained in massage therapy
• You are very good looking:

Photo stolen from perezhilton.com

• I am very good looking:

• I would prefer not to work
• I am practically Canadian
• Some say I look just like Scarlett Johansson
• I am willing to overlook your awkward Mickey Mouse Club phase:

Ugh...you were even adorable in your awkward Mickey Mouse Club phase.

• My parents want me out of their house
• I want a baby

So, call me will ya?  My number is on your cell phone.  Repeatedly. 

Love, Kady

Hello, Hair Cut

Another set of comparison photos, if I may:



This is last year's bad haircut, (a result of trying to trim-up in foreign countries):

This is my dad in 1967:

This is last year's bad haircut again:

And here we have Ace Ventura, Pet Detective:

And...here we have Ed Grimley:

What is your Thumb Doing on my Face?

This is my buddy, Beata.  You might remember her as the guitar player from the band I was in just before I quit my job to travel the world.  (Ramona Day.  We were awesome.  Click here to sample a song.  *cough*).  Anyway, this is an extreme close up of a spot on her face.  Right before this photo was taken, and just before we rolled around on the floor laughing hysterically, I stuck out my thumb and tried to rub out the spot, saying, "you have something on your face."

And she said, "that's a sun spot.  And thanks for wiping OFF the foundation I put there to try and cover it up."

Deer Season

My dad is bugging me about deer season this year. Am I sticking around for it, or what? I told him I don't think it's very sportsman-like to shoot deer after you hang them in trees.  Wakka wakka.

This photo was taken three feet out our front doorstep.

I'm thinking about it though.  I haven't been deer hunting for a long time.  I decided when I was 22 that I could afford to buy meat at the grocery store and so I wouldn't be hunting, thank you very much.  Well now I CAN'T afford to buy meat at the grocery store.  So, there you go.

My dad tells a story of a time that he was walking through the woods, hunting but also trying to drive a deer to walk past my brother.  He had a little bottle of doe pee with him, which he would drip a few drops onto his heel as he walked.  This would not only cover up his human scent, but attract bucks.  I think.  Don't ask me why he does what he does.  Click here to see what else attracts bucks. EW!!  Anyway, he scared up a deer in the path right in front of him.  It took him by surprise, but he whipped out his rifle, and to free up his hands, quickly put the little bottle of deer pee in his mouth.  Accidentally with the cap off, pointing in.  Of course when he pulled the trigger, he bit down.

Family Day

I gotta admit, I love having my parents all to myself.  Suck it, other 5 kids.  You may have your "job" and your "family", but you don't have a free loft bedroom in mom and dad's 900 square foot cabin, now do ya?

Today, we had a Family Day.  The goal is to have Family Day every Wednesday, but I'm not stupid.  I know this is probably the first and last time.  So I soaked it all up, every minute.  One thing we committed to, as part of Family Day, is that we would make something really yummy for dinner together.  (My mom makes something yummy every night, so it's 'no bigs', but this is where I can get involved.)  Did I mention my mom makes me three squares?  She does.  Another thing she does is my laundry.  But I digress.

So.  The Hexums made curry!  This is a first for me, and I'm sure for ol' Hal and Dianne.  And we cheated.  We used Trader Joe's Thai Green Curry Simmer Sauce.  It's so easy.  We just sauteed some beef, and added the simmer sauce and some veggies, and served over rice.

Veggies usually equal carrots and cauliflower here...but we also added edimame, onion and carlic.

Here's the beef!  With the onion and simmer sauce.

Totally fantastic.  A definite Recommend.

My mom just bought this "Rachael Ray garbage bowl" today and we love it!   I have taken to throwing any compostibles in the woods.  Next week, when we get our CHICKENS, I'll give it to them instead.

Another thing we did on Family Day was take a walk and we picked these wildflowers for the deck.

Awwwwwww...

Awwwwwwwwww.................

We also scheduled a NAP for Family Day.  Which shows how old we are.  We napped today.  At least my dad and I did. (Separately, of course.)  My mom caught up on her Bachelorette episodes while we slept.  We did not go fishing, as planned...but did watch the scheduled movie.  "Get Low" with Robert Duvall and Sissy Spacek and Bill Murray and that kid from Sling Blade.  VERY GOOD movie about a guy who plans his own "Live Funeral" where he can be present.  I always imagined I would do the same.

I hate missing a party.

Aint it Garnd ?

Factory direct??

Ladies and gentlemen, it's the new GARND CARAVAN!!

Like my paintbrush skills, protectin' those people's privacy?

Becks...more like Hex

Well, it seems that Victoria Beckham has had her baby girl.  Just prior, her husband David "secretly" took this professional, gorgeous photo of her looking extremely great while pregnant.  I have my doubts about the spontaneity of the photo, but that's not the point of the story.

Posh Belly

*David always texts me photos of the kids, its adorable.  (I ripped it from E!'s website.)

Sorta reminds me of somebody I know:

Pot Belly

Kady and the Chiropractor

I have mentioned that even though my dad had five daughters, he really was kind of a prude.  In that you didn't say the word period around him.  And you certainly didn't talk or joke about inappropriate subjects.  Why, just the other day I saw a dog with big huge testicles running in front of the car, and I said, "DAD!  Did you see the BALLS on that dog?"  He replied, "KADY!  Don't say the B WORD."

Anyway, that's a little background to hopefully make the following story even more hilarious.  When I was about 17, I was rubbing my dad's back, walking on it to try to crack it, (family stuff), I pushed on it...nothing.  I wasn't getting the crack he wanted.  So I told him,  "Dad, flip over.  I'll try something my chiropractor does for me."

So he laboriously and painfully rolled over onto his back, hopeful for the new and exciting treatment straight from the professionals.  Then I said, "he doesn't really crack anything...but he says it helps".  And then I started rubbing his boobs.  Grotesquely. 

For just a millisecond, I could see in his eyes that he was ready to kill a man.

"I'll kill ya."

Waitressing Crowd-Pleasers

Some of the HILARIOUS things I do and say at work --

When someone compliments the food I serve: "Thanks, I made it myself."  (this was funnier when I didn't actually have to cook the food.) 

When a little kid orders a Pepsi: "Can I see your ID?" 

When delivering drinks to a little kid: I deliver them their parents' beer and say, "here's your Busch Light, Sir/Ma'am."  And then when they react I look confused, and then I say, "oh, I'm sorry, yes.  You had the Whiskey 7."  And then when they react I look confused again, and then I say, "oh, I'm sorry, yes.  You had the Shirley Temple."

When someone accidentally sees me in the bathroom, elbow-deep in the crapper, gloved up, toilet scrubber in hand: "Oh I'm sorry, I'm in an important business meeting.  I'll be right with you."

When someone accidentally sees me mopping the floor: (Here I break into dance.  Think RUN RUN RUN RUN, alternating feet stomping, running in place.  Then I break into song:)  "She works HARD for the money!  So hard for it honey!"

More to follow.  I'm constantly working on my act.

A Day at the Farm

My dad and I went to a friend's farm to participate in a hundred-year-old tradition of getting the calves innoculated and tagged and other necessary torture tactics (castration).  It was such a fun experience to be a cowgirl for the day.  My dad looks super handsome in his cowboy hat, no?

My first calf.  Liza took it down and I had to help hold it down.

Awwwwwww...

There's some good-lookin' dudes on this ranch.

My partner and me.

I took this one down...I kind of had to roll it on top of myself and then get out from underneath it.

This is Ted.  You might remember him from the Granada 6.  We both lived in Costa Rica at the same time.  Turns out he has been helping with these calves for years.

Full of crap.  Literally.

Facing fears...here I am fileting a "Rocky Mountain Oyster"

EW!  Erica was screaming: "it's dripping! it's dripping!"

Afterward, we went for a ride through the pasture to check on the calves and make sure they were doing OK.

Minnesota...I love ya.

Bringing the burro in the house to see grandma is an old tradition.  She fed him some Cheetos.