An Interview With My Sister Kim: Peein' in the Woods Ain't Easy

Kim, tell me, have you ever had to pee in the woods?

Many years ago, I went hunting for deer with my husband, his father and his brother. At one point, I needed to use the bathroom really bad, and planned to take the 3-wheeler from the woods back to the farm and use the outhouse. I was voted down by the guys who insisted they needed me to help with the next deer drive, and they didn’t want to wait for me. I was told to just go in the woods.

How did you feel about that? I mean, what's so hard about peeing in the woods?

I hate going in the woods, because there’s always the danger that the pee will run down my legs and into my pants and boots instead of running nicely in a stream directly to the ground.

Oh, I see. That would be terrible. Well, what did you do?

I finally gave in to the pressure and decided that if I found a good log to sit on, it would keep my stream separate from my pants and boots, and I could make it work. My father-in-law stayed behind, and my brother-in-law took off down the trail to eat his lunch at his 3-wheeler. I waited until he disappeared around the corner of the trail and then headed off into the woods to find a log. I made my husband accompany me.  

Ah yes, the "fallen log" approach. I too have opted for this method. It really can save one from having to squat and thus risk spraying urine all over their pants and boots. How would you describe this method, perhaps to City-Folk who have never heard of it before?

For those who aren’t familiar with the art of log-peeing: It’s important to find a log that’s big enough around to accomplish two purposes. It must keep you high enough above the ground. It must also completely meet the ground so the stream cannot enter your boots on the underside of the log. If you do find a log that meets these specifications, it then becomes very difficult to balance your body, so that there is enough of you on the back side of the log ensuring the pee stream stays on one side while your clothing is clean and dry on the other side. There’s another challenge if one has short legs. I have short legs. When you push several layers of long johns, jeans and wool pants (not to mention a few pairs of long socks) down as far as possible until they meet boots, those layers don’t get very far before they meet resistance. This means that in the winter, if you want to keep your clothes pee-less, far more of your body must be on the back side of the log than would be necessary if the weather were warmer and you were wearing fewer pieces of clothing. This is why I needed my husband.

Oh, I see. I was confused about the necessity of his presence. You know, I made the mistake once of sitting on a fallen log that was hovering a few feet above the ground. Can you comment on why that wouldn't be such a good idea?

What? Are you stupid? You weren't concerned the log would break and fall, taking you with it?

Maybe just continue with your story.

Anyway, I headed off into the woods to find a good log. I walked a ways to make sure I was out of sight. I saw and rejected several logs. Finally, I found a log that passed inspection, and wiggled my several layers down as far as they would go. I sat on the log. I squirmed my way back as far as I could and grasped my husband’s hand so I wouldn’t fall over backwards. At last I relaxed and began to relieve myself, at which point I looked up. To see my brother-in-law, sitting on his 3-wheeler, eating his sandwich, watching.

"Mother Mary Blessed Ever-Virgin"

I love guest posts from my mom and her wicked childhood!  Please enjoy these two fabulous stories about her being a horrible sleepover guest:

We had 7 children in our family and my mother was very clean but not able to have many nice things. What we did have was nice to us but did not compare to what other people had in their homes, so it was nice to go visiting to see how they lived. One time when we lived in Bemidji I got invited to spend the night with a friend from school. It was very exciting to go because she was an only child. She had everything: her own room and everything in it was all pink and matchy-matchy. So we put on our pjs and hung out with no little brothers to bother us. She had a little pink suitcase with a filing system inside to store all her 45's, so we played all of them and yes, we sang into our brushes at the top of our lungs. In the middle of the night I got up to go to the bathroom but was afraid to turn on any lights so I went in the dark. I had to go bad so I pulled down my pants and sat. And peed. In that split-second, I realized I forgot to lift the lid and I was peeing on the lid. But it wasn't just the lid...it was covered in a pink and white chenille toilet seat cover. OH NOOOOOOO!!!! Needless to say, I was horribly embarrassed. I know they must have found out somehow, I don't know...it was not discussed. I don't think I got asked back.

Then we moved to International Falls and I got invited to a really fun girl's house. They had 2 girls and so my little sister got to come too. We played Mother Mary Blessed Ever-Virgin. We put our white slips over our hair and knelt beatifically while we sang Catholic chants at the top of our lungs. That was  not fun for very long...so we made tents and pretty much trashed the room. We all four slept in the same double bed. This time I had to go to the bathroom again but what can I say? I laid there and peed the bed. WHYYYYY??? But, what luck! My sister was lying next to me and she got all wet. So I blamed the whole thing on her and got very very mad at her for getting it all over me. I apologized for her to the mother and she comforted my sister and told her not to worry about it. I told my sister I would never bring her with me again on a sleepover. And I never let her forget it, either.

The Accuser (left) and the Accused (right)

Friday Blog Love

This week's Friday Blog Love goes out to The Karina Chronicles, a travel-centered, woman-celebrating, blog featuring contributing lady authors and fun interviews.   

Guess who contributed?

I've Never Been One to Toot My Own Horn, But, "BEEP BEEP"

Aside from the fact that we were totally neighbors when I lived in New Orleans, the celebrity whose life most closely mirrors mine has and always will be Angelina Jolie.  I'm in a long-term relationship, living with the man of my dreams, (and by 'long-term' I mean 'non-existent' and by 'with the man of my dreams' I mean 'alone in the basement of a married couple in their sixties') have scads of children who love me and each other (and by 'children who love me and each other' I mean 'zits on my chin and cheek area'), hmmmm....what else?

Angelina and I have so much in common.  She is comfortable around snakes...

...I am comfortable around snakes:

She looks amazing in a bikini in a waterfall...

...I look amazing in a bikini in a waterfall.

She goes to Cambodia and wears no makeup...

...I go to Cambodia and wear no makeup.  

Today, though, we truly have more in common than ever.

...we have both appeared in Forbes Magazine.


She, for her Celebrity 100 status and I, for the lil' appearance I made in an article about ladies who travel solo.

Seriously. I was featured in an article on Forbes.com!!!

I was interviewed* by J. Maureen Henderson, of Generation Meh:

 "...I knew I wanted to bring in the big guns. I consulted some of the web’s most savvy solo female travelers for their perspective on why going it alone is not as daunting as it seems, their best advice for women taking the vacation-for-one  plunge and what makes their personal travel highlight reel."

I'd like to thank my mom...

Get it?

Guest Post: Exploring The Twitter, by Minty Wafflefarmer

Looking for some insight on The Twitter? I'm still learning how the whole thing works. I follow a guy by the name of "Minty Wafflefarmer" and he makes me laugh every day. If you're not following, do it now.  I asked "Minty" to write a guest post to bring us up to speed on this whole Twitting thing, and he has also included his favorite Tweeters! Enjoy~ A Lady Reveals Nothing

Hello Internet word renderers,

My name is Minty Wafflefarmer (not a real name) and i use the "twitter handle" @australianimal and i am going to write about some things to do on the interwebz when you are bored or in the middle of a "very important" work meeting or job interview.

First off, there's the website called Twitter www.twitter.com Its pretty new. Maybe you've heard of it? Some people don't understand Twitter. Its kind of weird. Twitter can be used for many things, but most newcomers are like "what is this? a bunch of Facebook statuseses?" because you only get 140 characters to put in a thought or something. For example you could put:

"I just brushed my teeth, but instead of toothpaste I grabbed the Preparation H. OH NO!" 

You can be a little share bear about any or every part of your daily life. Lots of REAL CERTIFIED CELEBRITIES are on Twitter and do just that. That can be for some people I guess. But for me, I am enjoying using Twitter to tell little short "jokes". I am on there anonymously and I enjoy putting strange silly little one-three liner jokes which hopefully will make some of my followers chuckle. I guess it's like pretending I am a stand up comedian and the followers are members in the audience. Anyway, you can get feedback on your jokes if you link your Twitter account to a service called Favstar. (www.favstar.fm) When someone retweets a tweet of yours or Favorites it, Favstar counts up each of those for each tweet you do and then you can see if a joke you told was funny to however many different people. Its like the laughs at a comedy show?  Here's a tweet I did awhile ago:

"When Renee Zellweger was little she'd ask her mom, "Can I be an actress when I grow up?" Her mom was all SHUT UP AND EAT YOUR LEMONS."

Here is a list of people on Twitter that I think write the most consistently funny jokes. Most are good clean fun, but: "Language Warning" sometimes.

@trumpetcake 

@Matty_Softmitts

@Cheeseboy22

@christianduguay

@fleshcake

@bridger_w

@MarylandMudflap

@lizard_wizard77

@badbanana

@outerjohn

@kramediggles

@sbellelauren

@TheSofiya

@markleggett

@AmberTozer

@wolfpupy

@shelbyfero

@MaybeNotSteve

@meganamram 

You know what other sites are good for fun? www.pinterest.com and www.stumbleupon.com my goodness you could waste so much time on those and still have more fun than "going outside" also don't forget Words with Friends and Instagram if you haven't yet tried those/live in a cave. :) Thanks for your time today and follow me on twitter for a giggle or 40 or none depending on your tastes. 

Signed,

 the albino koala "Minty Wafflefarmer" https://twitter.com/#!/Australianimal

Shhhhhh!  Minty sleepy!

Friday Blog Love

If there's one thing I'm good at, it's paying off debt and saving money.  (Is that two things?)  Anyway, it's the whole reason I have been able to be unemployed and irresponsible for the last two years.  Which is why I love today's Friday Blog Love.  

This shout out goes to Anna at And Then She Saved, a cool chick who paid off more than $17,000 in debt in the span of just over a year and lived to tell the story.  And you know what?  The main thing she did to accomplish that insane task was to STOP SPENDING.  She's currently SAVING money.  So cool!

I love her Spending Fast...and her Spending Diet...and how she documented every penny of savings here.

She's even going to be on the Nate Birkhus show!

Special Treat:

(And I'm very excited about this...)  You may recognize the author of her guest post today. 

Hint:  
It's Me!

Guest Post: My Embarrassing Tampon Story

From my Sister Kim:

Our front yard was visible from at least 30 apartments as well as the neighboring houses.  Once, I was wrestling on the front lawn while neighbor kids and family were hanging around.  I was wearing an adorable pair of powder pink painter pants that had a long, skinny tool pocket down the leg.  It was a perfect sized pocket to store o.b. tampons.  Or so I thought.
One of the tampons fell out of the pocket.  I didn't see it until one of the neighbor kids was holding it up waving it, and yelling, “Hey, Kim, do you smoke?! I didn’t know you smoked!!”

Care to share an embarrassing tampon story in the comments?  (Of course you can remain anonymous, but you'll get 1 Million extra points for identifying yourself.)

Shash-age Links

Shash

Do you have a friend who's always in the know?

The kind of girl you call when you spill on your laptop keyboard, because you know she'll know what to do? The kind of girl who actually catches fish on a Girls' Fishing weekend?

Creative?

Smart?

Beeeeee-utiful?

For me, this friend is Ashley. I call her -- affectionately -- Shash.

Well I asked The ol' McShash to do a link roundup for A Lady Reveals Nothing because man, she is good at this stuff! She's the one who clued me into postcardly.com. She's the one who introduced me to yesandyes.org. And she's the one who makes the Best. Mixed. Tapes. Ever.

So y'all. Check out these amazing links. Straight from the Shash:

_________________________

Do you know where the term “cup of joe” came from? I didn’t either. This comic explains 15 amazing facts about coffee.



Get your cheaper, BETTER grade B maple syrup while you can! Grade B isn’t inferior syrup, it just tastes more like maple. But soon, the maple syrup grading system is going to change.

If you live in the Midwest, you remember how horrible last winter was. It’s the end of December and we have hardly any snow, but they’re still predicting a re-run of last year. Hold onto your butts....

You probably don’t have 36 minutes to watch this lecture by illustrator Kate Bingman Burt, but you should definitely visit Kate’s website and take a look at her daily purchase drawings. Makes you think about your own consumption.

Doughnuts are the new cupcakes in the Twin Cities. Heavy Table, a Twin Cities based online food & drink magazine that focuses on the cuisine of the upper Midwest, made a handy flow chart to help you figure out where you should get your sugar fix!

I have a cat, Data. He’s super awesome. Now all I need is the baby and I don’t even have to take care of it. Data can handle raising it. Cat Soothes Crying Baby Back To Sleep

I’ve always loved staring at maps. I could stare at this illustration forever: U.S. Routes as a Subway Map

Most of us take more photos with our phones than with “real” cameras these days, and everyone’s bad at getting prints made. I love the concept behind the new iOS & Android camera/photo printing app, Dotti. It acts like a disposable camera. When you’re done with the “roll” of 12 exposures they will print and send your photos right to your door!

I recently went to a Bon Iver  concert with my husband and some friends. They were phenomenal, of course, but I really loved the opener too. Watch the take away show La Blogotheque did with Lianne La Havas. [BONUS: She’s walking through the streets of Paris, when it was warm out. Remember when it used to be summertime?]