The Cream Can

My dad and I ran down to the annual Roosevelt Flea Market to see what kind of junk we could find. Flea market shopping with my dad always reminds me of the time my mom said he came home with a lawn chair for $2 that had a $1 sticker on it. HA

Anyway we made our rounds and all the same vendors were there - people selling vintage stuff, stuff they made, etc. I found a very cool LADIES sign that would have fit perfectly into the cutout above my bathroom on the main floor but was listed for $275 so no thank you. 

We ran into lots of neighbors including Butch and Sandi Fish, and at one point somebody told my dad he better go check out the cream cans the old feller outside the barn had for sale. We had already been by there and nothing grabbed our attention but we went back to see what all the fuss was about. 

AND WOULDJA LOOKEE HERE:

This one used to belong to my Great Grandpa Peter Hexum, Roosevent Minn. The old feller said he wanted $100 but we got it for $60. And THEN we told him it's a family heirloom and we woulda paid $1000. Just kidding but kind of. 

So cool and so exciting and so happy it's back where it belongs on my dad's porch.

Obviously all of us kids are fighting over it. Pete thinks it's rightfully his because his name is right there on it, I think it's rightfully mine because I'm the one who coughed up the sixty bucks and my dad's brother Aaron seems to remember Grandpa whispering something on his death bed about bequeathing the cream can...

I sure hope our family survives this. 

Hal-isms, Vol. 74

"Stick to bein' a cop. Quit this kissin' stuff."

"You expect a lot outta people who aren't Norwegians."

"Whoa whoa whoa what's going on?"
** his phone rang

"I've seen this - the kids are dead the mom screams and screams 'madre dios' let's watch somthin' else."

"That was before when I used to get offended when people did me dirt."

Logic

All my life my parents never locked the doors to their house. I don't think I ever in my life had a key.

One day this summer my dad and I were leaving the house together and he locked up behind us. I looked at him funny and he goes, "when your mom was alive it was only half mine. Now it's ALL mine."

Coffee Talk

My dad's Keurig is on the fritz.

I suggested he might need a new one. He asked how much they are and I said, "I don't know? 30 bucks?"

Hal: "Wanna pay $15 each?"

Me: "no"

Hal: "Well, $15'd be easier for both of us."

Whattabooger

Somewhere in Eau Claire Wisconsin, a beautiful young professional woman (me) extends her delicate lady fingers out an open car window, lightly rubbing the middle and thumb together as if sifting through sand. Suddenly the wind picks up and carries her booger right back into the car.

She quickly looks at her husband to make sure he does not see. 

He is already laughing. 

Deathiversary

Today was my mom's one year Deathiversary. That is to say she died one year ago today. I haven't said that out loud on this blog yet because I've just had probably the worst year of my life and your mom dying is never funny. And I guess I only like to write about things that are funny. 

Well - I'm back Jerry! Here's something funny:

I woke up at 4am on this, the morning of my dear mother's deathiversary to myself literally crapping the bed. Pooping in the bed. Full-on diarrhea poop. No warning. I wasn't sick. I didn't eat anything weird. Poop.

I knew my siblings might appreciate the irony and also the poop story (we are an intelligent humor bunch, us). So I sent them all a quick text on the old Mass-textomy.

Enjoy!

Hal-isms, Vol. 73

"I don't know if you've noticed but I drive not violent. 'Non-violent driving' they call it."

 

"It's time I stopped dreaming young men's dreams. I need to start dreaming of sitting on the couch listening to the neighbors and watching Trump settle the world's affairs."

 

"I buy my eggs in twins."

 

"You try to help other people, and then YOU suffer. That's been my life."

 

"Kady. I can't keep up with this modern world."