Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Hal-isms, Vol. 59

"And you all know that I am very little racist in me."

"You people don't know what a hardware store contains. There's probably cassette tapes and T-shirts in there."

"Kady you're a nice girl. Articulate. But what comes out of your butt in pictures is a disgrace. And your mouth sometimes. It's worster."

"You two wouldn't be so smug if you lived my life."

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Mortal Wounds

Every time I curl my hair I get a new pretty red mark on my arms or hands. 

Monday, January 19, 2015

Makin' Lefse

About a year ago some of the girls in my family got together with my mom to make Lefse. I was going to write about it and do a "how to" but then I forgot and so I'll do my best to remember all the steps...

First you make your mom mix some potatoes and stuff in a bowl with her bare hands:

Then you make her mash it some more:

Then you make her roll the potato mixture into cute little balls:

Then you make her use a bunch of flour so it doesn't stick and then roll out the little balls into flat pancake-y things:

And then you make her start fryin' 'em up:

She uses a special stick to flip 'em and roll 'em off the griddle:

Pretty good, but you don't want all them holes:

You get the nieces involved:

Kelly will usually selfishly start eating before all of the work is done:

Look at those gorgeous lefses!!

I don't know who made these ugly ones, but it wasn't me (it was probably Kelly):

And then you play cards:

Sunday, January 18, 2015

Sunday Favorites: Wiped

New to A Lady Reveals Nothing? You've missed SO MUCH. Not to worry. Every Sunday, I dig through the archives to repost an old favorite. Mostly because I'm too lazy to come up with new content every single day. Enjoy! This story originally appeared October 13, 2009:

We happened upon this little number in Tallin, Estonia...notice how in the photos I'm not technically going anywhere near this toilet. Which, is also "technically" how I go to the bathroom in any public restroom. Sorry. There you have it. I stand (or more accurately: crouch). This is not usually my cup of tea, but you should see some of the toilets I have been in.

My sister Kim just reminded me of a story that brings me great dissatisfaction. Once, while in some European country and I'm sorry but I can't really remember which one, but what does it matter? Anyway, there was no toilet paper in the stall where I was. I looked through my bag, my pockets, for anything. Nothing. Any sign of tissue. Nothing. Only a couple of wadded up funny moneys from a different country. I called out to my neighbors. The few there either didn't answer, or didn't speak English. And so, I'm embarrassed to admit, I examined my money to see which one was the smallest value, and of those, which one was the dirtiest and yuckiest (therefore worthy of wasting in this way) and I used a Euro to wipe my butt. A money. Dirty, disgusting money. Passed through thousands of hands, and millions of germs. And countless situations. Touching my most intimate and private parts.

Looking back, I regret not choosing the most crisp and clean bill.

And now you know.

Thursday, January 15, 2015

*POST YOUR DRAFTS* Movin' Along...

I found this old post in my drafts from December of 2011 when I was just fresh back in Minneapolis from my eight-month-trip-to-Central-and-South-America-then-two-months-with-my-parents-and-then-four-months-working-in-New-Orleans-and-Tucson-trip and I was trying to get my house rented out so I could work-all-summer-and-live-in-Larry-and-Chris'-basement-and-then-leave-for-my-two-months-in-Eastern-Europe-and-then-two-months-in-India-trip -- ANYWAY I regarded the draft as marginally interesting because it's about what life is like when you don't have anything but yet you have way too much, and I'm talking about stuff. Maybe you'll find it marginally interesting too -- thanks for your patience while I suffer from "severe writer's block" and "my life is a little boring right now".


I'm living in Minneapolis again! It's so good to be "home", even if only temporarily.

I've been staying in the house that I own this month while I search and prepare for the next renters by doing little things like replacing furnace and fridge filters, adding lint traps to the washing machine drain pipe, replacing light bulbs, broken light switches and re-caulking the two bathtub/showers. The place is completely empty except for a borrowed air mattress that I've set up in my old bedroom with some bedding and a nightstand that I found in my little little storage corner in the basement:

This bed also serves as a couch, dining room table, and office desk.

I was so happy that I had saved this bedding.  Without it I would have been sleeping right on a plastic air mattress.  And with it I have a little bit of normalcy in this totally empty house.  

Other things I'm totally happy I saved:

  • A couple bath towels and hand towels.
  • A set of pots and pans.  
  • An electric kettle.
  • Four cereal bowls.
  • Two tumbler style water glasses that are doing double duty as wine glasses.
  • Two travel coffee mugs and a coffee cup.
  • Miscellaneous mixing spoons, wooden utensils and a spatula.

I have enough to get by and a heck of a lot more.  

The little corner storage area is about four feet by six feet, and about eight feet high. I had filled it completely full and all the way to the ceiling with all of my worldly belongings that didn't fit in the backpack I brought with on my trip around the world. I called that really simplifying and downsizing. But when I got back, I was completely overwhelmed with the stuff in there. Looking at it made me feel claustrophobic and trapped. I thought, 'there's no way I could fit all of that into my car.' And I don't want to own more stuff than can fit in my car.  

It was pretty interesting to see what exactly I felt was worth saving in January 2010 when I last lived here. I found a laundry basket filled with hangers.  Dumb.

I found a roll of tin foil, boxes of zip lock bags, a pair of three-and-five pound weights. An office chair. Clearly some of the items in my storage area were only there because they didn't sell at the huge garage sale I had before I left. I spent the better part of a Saturday going through and getting rid of at least 40% of it. Seriously there was a lot of garbage in there. Garbage. It is so much easier parting with the ridiculous when returning to your "home" after two years of being completely "homeless". You just realize exactly what you do and do not need to live.

I took photos of the stuff I felt I could sell and put them on Craigslist. Within an hour I had sold an electric guitar I haven't played in ten years and three Rubbermaid tubs' worth of picture frames. I also sold my old compost bin. $355 went straight into my India savings account.

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Oh, We Have Lots of Fun at Work

Part of my job is to do training for the Processing team and so sometimes I do Webinars and that means opening up my screen for viewing to show people how to do stuff. I'm usually smart enough to take down anything I wouldn't want anybody else to see (celebrity news searches)...but I hadn't realized that when I receive a new email it temporarily pops up at the bottom right hand section of my screen as a preview.
My chair-breaking and purple-scarf-losing friend Tara noticed that and so she began to and continued sending me emails throughout the presentation with the word POOP in the subject line and sometimes the words POOP POOP POOP so that throughout training those words would appear for all to see. Over and over again.

Also, Debra thinks I'm hilarious. AND SHE'S RIGHT

I haven't yet decided upon my revenge plan, but for starters here is an embarrassing picture of her:

***And a disloyal reveal: She was Bedwetter Betty***


Tuesday, January 13, 2015

I Bought a House!

But it's really, really tiny (only 684 square feet) and the floor plan is all wrong and so I have to figure out how to utilize the space a little better and so I bought these special pencils imported all the way from Vietnam and also some paper with little squares on it. 
Total Project Investment to date: $5.62
This is what I have so far...
Yes that is a gin drink

More to follow! And this site might temporarily become a project renovation blog and you might see me on the Nate Berkus show.
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