Yet Another Baby-Related Unsolicited Confession

A reader's comment on this previous post reminded me of a story:

Once, when I was having a non-baby-related ultrasound, I insisted that the technician print me a picture of my empty womb. She shrugged her shoulders and complied.

And then I brought it to work and hung it on my cube wall - where it stayed for YEARS.

Not my uterus.

Ladies' Room, Mount Rushmore

After driving 11 hours to visit Mount Rushmore, I was so happy to finally see it in person.

Summer-isms, Vol. 34

"I heard a big fat fart."


"I don't think anybody has any complaints about my infertility."


"I think I should know better by now not to buy a button-up shirt."

"I need to get Cancer Insurance before I get Cancer."


"I don't believe in telling people what not to do. I believe in telling people what not to wear after they're already wearing it."

Motherly Love

I suppose if you're going to have seven kids you learn a thing or two about raising them.  Take my mom, for example.


She had an amazing ability to NOT play with us.  "Mom! Come here! Play with me!" (or whatever).  "I can't!" she'd reply. "I have a bone in my leg!" And then she'd make us feel her shin bone and we would feel so so so sorry for her with that bone in her leg.

Another thing she'd do is turn it around on the tattle-teller.  For example, if I came running up to her complaining that Pete had just hit me, she'd get super sympathetic and say, "Oh, poooooor Kaaaaady. Now you go and tell him you're sorry."  And I would!

And you know how when you hurt yourself, and you run up to your mom and say, "it hurts when I do this?" and then you bend your finger or whatever? She would always say, "well, stop doing that."

Now, THAT'S good parenting!

Hal-isms, Vol. 25

"The only goin' I'm doin' is takin' a leak."

"I only said some of the stuff in jest, it wasn't like it was reality or something. It's probably other people that act like this."

"I don't like to hear myself talk because I already know what I'm going to say. I just talk to keep the conversation going."

"You should be a therapist. I'd walk outta there feeling great."

"You only have 35-40 readers. They could be sending this around the world."

My Empty Womb

An Unsolicited Confession:

One time, when I was shopping for the 1,000,000th Baby Shower I threw for my 1,000,000th pregnant friend, I was standing at Target in the baby aisle and looking at the tiny little socks and feeling a little bit sorry for myself because I was single and childless and sort of fat that day.  I looked down at my belly...

"if you can't beat 'em, join 'em"

...then I rubbed it, like a pregnant woman should and continued caressing my unborn child while looking at the baby stuff.

Then I probably went home and had a beer.

From the Archives, AKA Sunday Favorites

New to A Lady Reveals Nothing? You've missed SO MUCH. Not to worry. Every Sunday, I dig through the archives to repost an old favorite. Mostly because I'm too lazy to come up with new content every single day. Enjoy! This story originally appeared on April 12, 2011, when I lived in Brazil:


Meet Jacina and Aldo. I am renting a house in back of their place but they invite me for dinner all the time.  I love them.  They speak no English and I speak no Portuguese.  Tonight I pantomimed a story about how my dad wipes his boogers on his pants, and then later wipes his hands on his pants to clean his hands.  Aldo pantomimed back that nobody will want to marry a girl who wipes things on her pants.