Wednesday, July 20, 2016

New Orleans

Summer made a video of a trip that we took with Beata to New Orleans a few years back -- twerking was all the rage at the time. It'll make sense in a minute...

guh i love that city........

What Makes Us Girls from Summer Grimes on Vimeo.

Saturday, June 25, 2016

My Coat

We had been having some yo-yo weather in Minnesota and one day I grabbed a wool jacket to wear to work. Of course it warmed up mid-afternoon and so I forgot the jacket in the conference room (I had a very important business lady meeting there and I was running fashionably late so I didn't stop by my office prior to). 

The next day I asked the receptionist if anybody saw my jacket. Nope.

"Oh well, it will turn up."

Several days and maybe even a couple weeks went by. My friend Tara came into my office to tell me the story of how "somebody" had dropped a coat off in my other friend Alayet's cube. She was excited that somebody was giving her an article of clothing. She went on to tell Tara, though, that the coat had hairs on it and therefore was "dirty and disgusting" and "why would somebody give me this filthy coat?" Turns out somebody assumed since it was an XS that it was Alayet's (which is a compliment to me since she weighs about 87 pounds).

I told Tara that I forgot the jacket in the conference room and we laughed for 27 minutes.

I mean, "filthy"?



Look how she drowns in it.

Tuesday, June 14, 2016

Hal-isms, Vol. 65

A Voicemail from Hal:

"Kady I know it's hard for you to believe that I can tell about people like Prince and I can...just know everything...I know you think it's not true but we went to a wedding anniversary today and they had a jar fulla candy and you were supposed to pick the number...I guessed two hundred and twelve and hit it RIGHT ON THE MONEY. I know it's bragging and it isn't meant to be and mom's starting to call me Rain Man. Bye."

Monday, June 13, 2016

Zach-isms, Vol. 1

Meet my husband, Zach. He's the sweetest and handsomest fellow in all the land and someday I will tell you all about how we met and fell in love, but for now -- the first installment of Zach-isms:

Sometimes he says them when he's still sleeping:

"Is there really M&M's for sale?"

...and sometimes when he's still awake:

"After being married for a few months I now know that women's poops don't not smell."

"Which chin should I kiss?" 

"I saw my friend Brian the baker. His name is Brian and he's a baker."

...and sometimes I get really excited when Nora McInerny Purmort retweets a picture of my uglyface review of her book to her 10,000 Twitter followers:

"Why do you want 10,000 people to see your ugly cry face?" 

Sunday, June 12, 2016

Sunday Favorites: Pure Poetry

New to A Lady Reveals Nothing? You've missed SO MUCH. Not to worry. Every Sunday, I dig through the archives to re-post an old favorite. Mostly because I'm too lazy to come up with new content every single day. Enjoy! This story originally appeared on August 6, 2013:

My brother sent me this text tonight -- a photo of a poem I wrote to him when I was younger:

If you can't read it, here's a transcript:


My love for you Pete
stretches from here to Crete
it will outlast time
and unlike a mime
it proclaims loud and clear
that I hold you so dear
your picture I hold close to my heart
even though in the past in my face you would fart
hold me down on the floor
from your butt the juice would pour
I could not withstand
the force of your hands
holding me down
in your stench I would drown
the air would turn grey
but...I love you anyway

How do we know Jeffrey Dahmer was a careless smoker?
He left BUTTS behind the couch.*

*#1: The Jeffrey Dahmer reference dates this poem to approximately 1992, or me at 15. #2: I'm so sorry. That joke is terribly insensitive and I would slap my 15-year-old self up if I had a time machine. Who am I kidding? If I had a time machine I would slap my 15-year-old self up for perming my short hair:

My apologies to the victims' families.

Saturday, June 11, 2016

Thursday, June 9, 2016

Hal-isms, Vol. 64

"I rest my case."

"We have to take your mother to her posthumous cancer appointment."

"I see in the news that Butterboy didn't do so well but who knows what the lies are?"

Kady: "Dad - sometimes in life all you have is your family."
Hal: "Oh, BS. I got my dog and my guns."

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