Wednesday, May 24, 2017

Microblading

Did you/have you noticed in previous posts that I have absolutely no eyebrows of my own? It's OK -- I just draw them in with a pencil. 

But that's irritating and almost free, so why not spend $600 on a semi-permanent solution that will fade in about 2-3 years? 

I'm talking about microblading. It's like a tattoo, but less permanent. AND I LOVE IT. 

Don't ever let anybody tell you it doesn't hurt. Because it really hurts bad. And it takes two hours. Twice. So just prepare yourself for that fact and never mind anybody else's opinion on the subject. 






Also for about a week you're going to look like two chocolate-y brown caterpillars crawled on your face and died. But that fades and they look amazing again after you pick all the scabs off. 


You'll regret it for like 5 days.



But don't worry, you'll go back to lookin' like yourself again.


Monday, May 22, 2017

Cancer

Well, it's back again. The lung cancer, I mean. That lump in her leg turned out to be lung cancer as we know, but it never really went away and plus she had been having major pain in her chest so she went in for her three-month checkup and they took a scan. Lung cancer. In lots of spots. 

That's the bad news.
The good news is we have been hanging out a TON lately. I'm typing this up from my old loft bedroom in tiny Roosevelt MN with a vodka squirt in my hand. 



Monday, May 8, 2017

Living with Teenage Boys, Vol. 2


"Throw your dirty laundry down the stairs!" 





I forgot to say "...and make sure they land. down. the. stairs."




Saturday, May 6, 2017

Zach-isms, Vol. 4





"I try to be easy on the eyes."

"I'm not laughing at you OR with you."

"I do toot kind of a lot, but what happened this time?"

"Old people have oatmeal every day."

"Whatddya mean 'have I pooped?' Do you think I'm new? I'm the king of bowel movements."


Friday, May 5, 2017

Sylvia

Kelly's Yorkie Sylvia is 832 years old. She has zero teeth and it's sort of my fault. You see, Sylvia's breath stunk so bad that I refused to hold her or pet her or babysit her and then finally Kelly took her to the vet and every single one of her teeth was rotted out of her head and so they pulled them. I'm not suggesting it was 100% my doing, but I definitely was a huge hag about it. Kelly was probably sick of hearing me crab.

Anyway, now Sylvia has a stuck out tongue all the time. There's no teeth to hold them in. 

She pees everywhere and she loves to ride in my pocket on a bike ride. 









Thursday, May 4, 2017

Hal-isms, Vol. 68






"Well, it was a memorable time."

"I don't talk about mushy stuff it gets ya combobulated."

"Maybe we can find our real kids, Mom, and get rid of these sh**heads we got now."

"Rowdy you're the only kid we've had that can lay quietly while we watch a movie."

"Last night I said something to that damn sister of yours and now she's going to write it in her portfolio."
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...