Saturday, January 31, 2015

Shash-age Links

A touching, raw article about a woman and her breast cancer diagnosis.

Haha hilarious. I love how this started out with humiliation and then turned into a 40-year tradition.

There is a forest in the shape of the state of Minnesota in a Minnesota forest. Seriously.

Well no more late night ATM withdrawals for me...though I gotta tell you if anybody comes within 456 feet of me I'm like, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" and I get the heck out of there. Thank goodness this poor girl was OK #yesallwomen

School pictures so bad they're really good.

The Onion, my favorite and the most credible news site around continues to keep me laughing and laughing.

I am so into selling my poop I might even quit my day job.

Doc says I gotta Pilates my way to a stronger back after my dumb car accident. The side effect, of course, is accidental physical fitness, thanks to this joint. Totally recommend if you have one in your area.

Why won't kids who have autism look you in the eye? This little boy explains it pretty well, giving a voice to the non-verbal kids like my nephew Murphy.

You're living under a rock if you haven't heard of this blog, but just in case...

I wonder if anybody will ever love me like this?

I love this weird guy who happens to be the President of Uruguay. Please don't tell me he's actually a terrible man because I will never believe you. There's some great photos of him at this link.

Got an extra $20 laying around? Consider donating to my friend Britnie's giveforward fundraiser. She's only 27, and she found out she has a rare and terrible form of ovarian cancer a couple days before her lil' wedding this fall. It's just awful. But, we had a fundraiser for her and it was wildly successful and any little bit helps. Thanks!

I was going to put my baby in a dresser drawer, but I'll go with this cardboard box instead. But first: Move to Finland!


Friday, January 30, 2015

True Romance

I wonder if anybody will ever love me like this?

(Play air guitar while I sing my karaoke jams)...

Of course, I would be willing to reciprocate by playing air piano while he sang his karaoke jams...


Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Starbucks Romance

Yesterday I was putting cream in my coffee at the Starbucks and I heard a man's voice over my shoulder say, "I'll be right here beside you", presumably so that I wouldn't turn around too quickly, get scared and spill my coffee. On him.
But I was so excited about the nearness of a man and that incredibly romantic thing that he had just said to me and so I accidentally blurted out, "do you PROMISE? FOREVER?"

image stolen from Pinterest -- I google imaged "Starbucks Romance" like a huge nerd. Hope you can make out the owner's stamp there...

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Hal-isms, Vol. 59

"And you all know that I am very little racist in me."

"You people don't know what a hardware store contains. There's probably cassette tapes and T-shirts in there."

"Kady you're a nice girl. Articulate. But what comes out of your butt in pictures is a disgrace. And your mouth sometimes. It's worster."

"You two wouldn't be so smug if you lived my life."

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Mortal Wounds

Every time I curl my hair I get a new pretty red mark on my arms or hands. 

Monday, January 19, 2015

Makin' Lefse

About a year ago some of the girls in my family got together with my mom to make Lefse. I was going to write about it and do a "how to" but then I forgot and so I'll do my best to remember all the steps...

First you make your mom mix some potatoes and stuff in a bowl with her bare hands:

Then you make her mash it some more:

Then you make her roll the potato mixture into cute little balls:

Then you make her use a bunch of flour so it doesn't stick and then roll out the little balls into flat pancake-y things:

And then you make her start fryin' 'em up:

She uses a special stick to flip 'em and roll 'em off the griddle:

Pretty good, but you don't want all them holes:

You get the nieces involved:

Kelly will usually selfishly start eating before all of the work is done:

Look at those gorgeous lefses!!

I don't know who made these ugly ones, but it wasn't me (it was probably Kelly):

And then you play cards:

Sunday, January 18, 2015

Sunday Favorites: Wiped

New to A Lady Reveals Nothing? You've missed SO MUCH. Not to worry. Every Sunday, I dig through the archives to repost an old favorite. Mostly because I'm too lazy to come up with new content every single day. Enjoy! This story originally appeared October 13, 2009:

We happened upon this little number in Tallin, Estonia...notice how in the photos I'm not technically going anywhere near this toilet. Which, is also "technically" how I go to the bathroom in any public restroom. Sorry. There you have it. I stand (or more accurately: crouch). This is not usually my cup of tea, but you should see some of the toilets I have been in.

My sister Kim just reminded me of a story that brings me great dissatisfaction. Once, while in some European country and I'm sorry but I can't really remember which one, but what does it matter? Anyway, there was no toilet paper in the stall where I was. I looked through my bag, my pockets, for anything. Nothing. Any sign of tissue. Nothing. Only a couple of wadded up funny moneys from a different country. I called out to my neighbors. The few there either didn't answer, or didn't speak English. And so, I'm embarrassed to admit, I examined my money to see which one was the smallest value, and of those, which one was the dirtiest and yuckiest (therefore worthy of wasting in this way) and I used a Euro to wipe my butt. A money. Dirty, disgusting money. Passed through thousands of hands, and millions of germs. And countless situations. Touching my most intimate and private parts.

Looking back, I regret not choosing the most crisp and clean bill.

And now you know.

Thursday, January 15, 2015

*POST YOUR DRAFTS* Movin' Along...

I found this old post in my drafts from December of 2011 when I was just fresh back in Minneapolis from my eight-month-trip-to-Central-and-South-America-then-two-months-with-my-parents-and-then-four-months-working-in-New-Orleans-and-Tucson-trip and I was trying to get my house rented out so I could work-all-summer-and-live-in-Larry-and-Chris'-basement-and-then-leave-for-my-two-months-in-Eastern-Europe-and-then-two-months-in-India-trip -- ANYWAY I regarded the draft as marginally interesting because it's about what life is like when you don't have anything but yet you have way too much, and I'm talking about stuff. Maybe you'll find it marginally interesting too -- thanks for your patience while I suffer from "severe writer's block" and "my life is a little boring right now".


I'm living in Minneapolis again! It's so good to be "home", even if only temporarily.

I've been staying in the house that I own this month while I search and prepare for the next renters by doing little things like replacing furnace and fridge filters, adding lint traps to the washing machine drain pipe, replacing light bulbs, broken light switches and re-caulking the two bathtub/showers. The place is completely empty except for a borrowed air mattress that I've set up in my old bedroom with some bedding and a nightstand that I found in my little little storage corner in the basement:

This bed also serves as a couch, dining room table, and office desk.

I was so happy that I had saved this bedding.  Without it I would have been sleeping right on a plastic air mattress.  And with it I have a little bit of normalcy in this totally empty house.  

Other things I'm totally happy I saved:

  • A couple bath towels and hand towels.
  • A set of pots and pans.  
  • An electric kettle.
  • Four cereal bowls.
  • Two tumbler style water glasses that are doing double duty as wine glasses.
  • Two travel coffee mugs and a coffee cup.
  • Miscellaneous mixing spoons, wooden utensils and a spatula.

I have enough to get by and a heck of a lot more.  

The little corner storage area is about four feet by six feet, and about eight feet high. I had filled it completely full and all the way to the ceiling with all of my worldly belongings that didn't fit in the backpack I brought with on my trip around the world. I called that really simplifying and downsizing. But when I got back, I was completely overwhelmed with the stuff in there. Looking at it made me feel claustrophobic and trapped. I thought, 'there's no way I could fit all of that into my car.' And I don't want to own more stuff than can fit in my car.  

It was pretty interesting to see what exactly I felt was worth saving in January 2010 when I last lived here. I found a laundry basket filled with hangers.  Dumb.

I found a roll of tin foil, boxes of zip lock bags, a pair of three-and-five pound weights. An office chair. Clearly some of the items in my storage area were only there because they didn't sell at the huge garage sale I had before I left. I spent the better part of a Saturday going through and getting rid of at least 40% of it. Seriously there was a lot of garbage in there. Garbage. It is so much easier parting with the ridiculous when returning to your "home" after two years of being completely "homeless". You just realize exactly what you do and do not need to live.

I took photos of the stuff I felt I could sell and put them on Craigslist. Within an hour I had sold an electric guitar I haven't played in ten years and three Rubbermaid tubs' worth of picture frames. I also sold my old compost bin. $355 went straight into my India savings account.

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Oh, We Have Lots of Fun at Work

Part of my job is to do training for the Processing team and so sometimes I do Webinars and that means opening up my screen for viewing to show people how to do stuff. I'm usually smart enough to take down anything I wouldn't want anybody else to see (celebrity news searches)...but I hadn't realized that when I receive a new email it temporarily pops up at the bottom right hand section of my screen as a preview.
My chair-breaking and purple-scarf-losing friend Tara noticed that and so she began to and continued sending me emails throughout the presentation with the word POOP in the subject line and sometimes the words POOP POOP POOP so that throughout training those words would appear for all to see. Over and over again.

Also, Debra thinks I'm hilarious. AND SHE'S RIGHT

I haven't yet decided upon my revenge plan, but for starters here is an embarrassing picture of her:

***And a disloyal reveal: She was Bedwetter Betty***


Tuesday, January 13, 2015

I Bought a House!

But it's really, really tiny (only 684 square feet) and the floor plan is all wrong and so I have to figure out how to utilize the space a little better and so I bought these special pencils imported all the way from Vietnam and also some paper with little squares on it. 
Total Project Investment to date: $5.62
This is what I have so far...
Yes that is a gin drink

More to follow! And this site might temporarily become a project renovation blog and you might see me on the Nate Berkus show.

Sunday, January 11, 2015

Sunday Favorites: How Do Normal People Ride the Elevator?

New to A Lady Reveals Nothing? You've missed SO MUCH. Not to worry. Every Sunday, I dig through the archives to repost an old favorite. Mostly because I'm too lazy to come up with new content every single day. Enjoy! This story originally appeared November 1, 2013:

Last night after work I got into the elevator to find three young handsome men including a bearded redhead -- and you know I'm a total sucker for beards and for redheads. They were in the middle of a conversation but that didn't stop me from stepping right in the middle of all three of them, while maintaining eye contact with the redhead and declaring,


And then acknowledging the awkwardness of making that joke right upon entering the elevator, not considering the time required to make a 10-floor descent, I turned back to the door and declared again,


They looked at me, confused and the redhead continued speaking, presumably where they had left off before I broke their conversation. '...and then I talked to Rosalind about it...'

And then I interrupted again, mock-angrily-crazy-eyesed, (you know, like a jealous hag over the '10-second relationship' I had just pretend garnered with the bearded red-headed cute one), cocking my head and positioning my arms across my chest:


"No. She's my manager." By now they realized I wasn't going to let them have their conversation and that clearly I wanted all of the attention on me. They gave me a slight pity laugh (because come on, that jealous bit was FUNNY) and then mercifully the elevator doors opened and THEN I said,


I went left when I should have went right, and then I figured it out and had to turn around and walk past them again and then I walked really really fast out of the building, with the three handsome men following me all of the way out.

WHY can't I be more like her?

Saturday, January 10, 2015

Hal-isms, Vol. 58

"If I had a memory at all I could really come up with some doozies."

"I'm like a wolf. I scan. I scan. And when I see a break, I take it."

"You're like a gol' dang chickadee. You can't sit on a branch for two seconds."

"I was watching the TV or the gyrolator or whatever you call it."  (he was watching his laptop)

Hal's truck

Friday, January 9, 2015

Oh We Have Fun at Work

Tara, my chubby-chair-breaking-friend, complained to me the other day that she lost her favorite purple scarf at work. She couldn't find it anywhere. Had I seen it?


Well then I did see it. On top of the fridge. HA!

The obvious joke would be to make fun of her for, you know, staring in the work fridge, hungry as can be, getting sweaty and removing the scarf to throw it on top of the fridge to make room for more food in her mouth.

Instead I private messaged her a photo on Instagram with this caption:

Loving the soft new toilet paper in the 10th floor bathrooms!

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