Sunday, January 18, 2015

Sunday Favorites: Wiped

New to A Lady Reveals Nothing? You've missed SO MUCH. Not to worry. Every Sunday, I dig through the archives to repost an old favorite. Mostly because I'm too lazy to come up with new content every single day. Enjoy! This story originally appeared October 13, 2009:

We happened upon this little number in Tallin, Estonia...notice how in the photos I'm not technically going anywhere near this toilet. Which, is also "technically" how I go to the bathroom in any public restroom. Sorry. There you have it. I stand (or more accurately: crouch). This is not usually my cup of tea, but you should see some of the toilets I have been in.

My sister Kim just reminded me of a story that brings me great dissatisfaction. Once, while in some European country and I'm sorry but I can't really remember which one, but what does it matter? Anyway, there was no toilet paper in the stall where I was. I looked through my bag, my pockets, for anything. Nothing. Any sign of tissue. Nothing. Only a couple of wadded up funny moneys from a different country. I called out to my neighbors. The few there either didn't answer, or didn't speak English. And so, I'm embarrassed to admit, I examined my money to see which one was the smallest value, and of those, which one was the dirtiest and yuckiest (therefore worthy of wasting in this way) and I used a Euro to wipe my butt. A money. Dirty, disgusting money. Passed through thousands of hands, and millions of germs. And countless situations. Touching my most intimate and private parts.

Looking back, I regret not choosing the most crisp and clean bill.

And now you know.

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