Chipmunk Cheeks

Hanna got her wisdom teeth out while visiting my sister in Belize.

 

 

 

How Do You Get Little Kids to Warm Up to You, the Foreigner?

You give them your camera, that's how. Works every time.

Roomies

My niece Hanna got married in January, but her roommate apartment broke up around November 1st. So I told her she could move in with me for the interim three months.

Hanna is cute and hilarious and we joke around a lot but living together was sort of terrifying. I told her to bring three pairs of underwear and one bra and a toothbrush and one change of clothes because my house is too tiny for a bunch of crap, but she didn't listen.

Move in day!

And then I told her she didn't have to pay rent or buy groceries and I would drive her to work every single morning so she wouldn't have to spend an hour on the bus as long as she cleaned my house top to bottom with a toothbrush once a week. A small price to pay in my estimation. I told her that it wasn't going to seem fair but I was going to be insanely irritated if she left one spoon in the sink, meanwhile I would probably have seventeen wine glasses in, on, under and around the bed. And it would be her job to pick them up and wash them.

But she didn't listen.

Her side of the bed

And one time I came home to find this business. I about freaked out! But instead I shamed her on Instagram in front of all of her friends:

We had a blast though. We hung out in bed and watched one million episodes of Gossip Girl and shared this giant Rice Krispie Bar and had a million hilarious conversations about her crazy dreams.

...and sometimes she did a chore or two.

The Worst Kind of Turd is an Honest One, Vol. 5

I got this text from my little turd nice Hanna the other day...

See? Turd.

She makes a good point. In all cases. I did get married. I haven't written a post here in forever. I don't know what to write now that I can't use my "I'm going to die alone and be eaten by my cats" shtick. 

And, my husband "builds me adorable custom shelving":

Adorable Custom Shelving

I guess I'll have to write about funny things that happen to married people. Like, seriously, this guy has NO Netflix etiquette. He watches OUR show by himSELF just because I fall asleep everytime the TV is on.

It's not that funny. I know.

The Worst Kind of Turd is an Honest One, Vol. 7

On Record Store Day, Hanna and I were walking down to the festivities and I remembered that while I had carefully picked out my outfit, I hadn't considered my undergarments. 

"Hanna! OMG! Can you see my underwear lines?"

"...um...yah...kinda..."

"Take a picture of my butt and show it to me so I can see."

*she takes a picture of my butt and shows it to me*

"OMG. We have to go back to my house so I can change my grungies."

*she rolls her eyes*

_____

Two days later she texted me this photo of my panty lines, floating in mid space because she's hilarious and really, really mean. 

In Local News...

Brought to you by our correspondent on the ground, Miyo Hanson...

Nieces

A test photo-conversation between my nieces and me. 

Best School Assignment Ever

Look what came home in 11-year-old Murphy's backpack for homework!!!

It really warms my heart that our school system is teaching what really matters to our nation's disabled children. Celebrity news.

Awwwwwwwww...he got it right!!!!!!

The Student Has Become the Master

Remember my failed attempt at growing an Avocado tree?

Hanna read about it and proceeded to show her Aunty up by having bigger boobs growing an Avocado tree and even putting into a pot that she made.

She gave it to me as a gift and I love it.

Apparently she just straight up planted it in dirt and watered the heck out of it -- she didn't bother with the toothpicks and the hovering over water.

Twice as tall as a wine bottle!

Big Week

OMG you guys! I had SOOOOOOOOOOOO much fun at Brad and Angie's wedding!!!

I danced all night long!

As Maid of Honor, naturally I was called upon to give a heartfelt serenade. 

Brad loved it so much! He put his arm around me and we three chatted about this-and-that. 

And then of course the honeymoon. So relaxing. The views were absolutely breathtaking.

We like to let loose -- 

#family
#real

More Personal Ad

When Child Slave Labor is OK

When your car is dirty and you don't feel like cleaning it out yourself and your nieces stupidly drop by to borrow your bike, that's when.

Vacuum...

Scrub...

Who is cuter than these two?

They LOVE Me

Broomball and Bonfires

I recently took Hanna AND HER BOYFRIEND up to meet Hanna's parents. They made a broom ball party out of the weekend on their fantastic pond. The night prior it snowed 10 inches and so in order to make it possible to play my brother-in-law John and my nephew Skeeter had to plow and shovel and it took them 12 HOURS. They said it was worth it. But look at all that snow.

The cool thing about playing broom ball at Kim and John's is that everybody plays together, kids and adults and everybody is on the same level playing field because the ice is so slippery that nobody can get going very fast and therefore everybody gets a chance at the ball. I couldn't play of course because I'm terrified of slipping and hurting my back and as Hanna said I'm totally an old grandma now. But I did go out there and take some photos. 

It was such a nice day for it too!

Go, Hanna, Go!

Really, I mean look at all that snow!!!!

Two goalies...and two girls from the opposing team just hanging out by the goal. Anything goes.

Indonesian on Ice

Gorgeous day

My favorite quote of the whole day was one that I overheard while hanging out by the entrance to the pond. There was a shortage of brooms and so some people had to wait to play until other people came off the ice. I heard a guy say, "oh man if I ever come into some money..." (and at that point I thought he was going to talk about the sweet snowmobile or motorcycle or hunting rifle or car he was going to buy, but nope) Instead he said, "...I'm gonna get me like 15 brooms!"

After dark we had a bonfire. I couldn't believe that a) Skeeter was able to get it started in the first place and b) how the snow around the pile never really melted and c) that fire burned and burned for hours. 

Conversations with Miyo

"Playing is like the most activest thing you can do."

Baby Blues. Cured.

I think I've been pretty open about my hormones and being 36 and how logically my brain wants no babies but emotionally my uterus wants all of the babies right now! It keeps getting worse the closer I get to menopause (which my three older sisters keep lovingly reminding me is just a few years away).

Recently, my nephew Miles accidentally got two months behind on his homework in five of his classes. I volunteered to help him catch up. Remember I'm the Auntie who is mean mean mean and makes kids do their homework for hours and hours and hours and hours?? Miles and I so far have put in about 13 hours on this project over the course of three weeks. He's done most of the work while I just sort of keep him on task (except I really love Algebra so I accidentally kept doing the problems before he got them done instead of teaching him how to do them, but that's neither here nor there).

Anyway, one of our five-hour homework sessions happened on a rare warm day in Minnesota February and everybody got to go outside and play in the snow except for me and Miles. Because I am a responsible adult who knows when to skip the fun and help the kid. Which means I can never have any babies. Because babies grow up to be kids who have homework and I never ever want to skip the fun ever again! I'm 100% cured. 

Ask me anything you ever wanted to know about Copernicus.