Saturday, December 31, 2016

2016 - The Year in Review

Remember 201020112012, 2013, and 2014?

Somehow there IS NO "2015 - Year in Review" post. 2015 was a blur. I got botox for the first time, bought my house, renovated it, met a boyfriend, fell in love, GOT ENGAGED, and my mom got breast cancer and moved in with me for 6 months to get surgery then radiation and chemotherapy treatments...then Hanna moved I said. Blur.

2016 was WEIRD. For one thing, I didn't leave the country. (For the first time since 1998). Do you count Montreal, Canada? I guess I did leave the country. It didn't feel like it counted because it was just for the day and I didn't get a stamp and I drove there by myself when I was visiting Zach in Vermont. 

Oh yeah, Zach. I forgot to die alone and instead I got married

Photo by nylonsaddle

During 2016, Zach and I went to 27 states together (and Puerto Rico).

I became a stepmom.

We joined a kickball team:

We weren't number 1.

My mom got lung cancer (again) and this time it had moved to her leg (surgery to remove) and her brain (radiation to zap). I was all ready for her and my dad and Rowdy to move in with me and Zach and the kids into this 900 square foot house, but as it turned out she was only in the city for a month. While they were here they celebrated their 50th Wedding Anniversary.

A great year. 
A tough year. 
The last year of me NOT being 40. 



Tuesday, December 6, 2016

Zach-isms, Vol. 2

"You have a very large arm. That arm should win a competition for something."

"I really feel that I'm 100% mentally there I'm just not audibly there and I mean that in a really sincere way."

"You have like a bowling ball head."

"Don't you dare face that on postagram."

"Let's try to do something that'll make our farts come out."

Saturday, December 3, 2016

The Worst Kind of Turd is an Honest One, Volume: Step Mom

One of the first bike rides we went on as a step-family happened to be a 68-mile round trip from our house to Wisconsin and back. Which of course took hours. And made for a nice opportunity for conversation. 

The 14-year-old and I were riding side-by-side at one point, and he said to me: "Out of all the girls in my life I've ever met you're the only one who doesn't complain about her weight."


My heart got so warm. My head got so big it almost exploded. Every feminist bone in my body shone brightly --- finally! Somebody noticed and appreciated my "realness". I thanked him for noticing and responded by saying that it's important to be healthy and riding bikes is one way that I try to stay healthy, and blah blah blah....but then my mind retraced his comment..."complain about her weight" 

I asked, "wait. are you saying that it's surprising because I'm also like the one girl in your life who's not skinny?"

"Well. Yah," he said, "you're actually kind of fat."

Gonna be a long ride.

Friday, December 2, 2016


I normally go to my Pilates class after work but today I wasn’t able to --- and so I hit the noon class. I was ten minutes late, of course (as I am ten minutes late for literally everything else in my life). I ran into the class, jumped on my machine and tried not to interrupt much.

The first move is called Beach Ball Twist. This is where you are on your knees, straight back, and take the handle of the Fit Former in front of you with “I Dream of Genie” arms and you twist at the waist. From 10:00 to 2:00, back and forth. It works best if you squinch your butt cheeks as hard as you can. So they say. So I squinched. And squinched. And twisted and turned from 2:00 to 10:00 to 2:00 and back.

The next move is Shot Put. This is where you take the same handle in your right hand and make an “L” – or half a football goal post. Then you TWIST and squinch your butt some more and then give yourself a “High 5” in the mirror. As I returned back to the half football goal post “L”  I happened to look over my shoulder at the person behind me.

Male Co-Worker.

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