Gettin' a Big Head. For No Reason At All, Vol. 2

The other day I was really excited when I received a package addressed to me. I opened it up and found a really awesome Ryan Gosling coloring book, but didn't remember buying it for myself. There was no note, and no return address -- it came straight from Amazon.

Every once in a while I get a lil' present from a faithful reader, and sometimes they even come in the mail. I admit, I get a big head over it. 

I started trying to figure out which FAN of mine sent me this coloring book. Which one of my thousands and thousands of fans...

And then my sister Keri saw it on the table and she goes, "oh! you got Mom's present!"

Thanks Mom! (For the coloring book and for keeping me humble.)

Oh, Ryan Gosling

Ryan Gosling was spotted wearing this shirt with a picture of a young Macaulay Culkin on it:

And then, to be hilarious (and it was), Macaulay Culkin tweeted this photo of himself:

And then the photoshoppers went nuts:

Crazy photoshoppers!

It's like Inception, only cuter.

From Our Readers

You Guys: The most wonderful thing happened.

I got a Fedex package.  From a reader.

And it was.

The most.

Amazing.

Present.

Ever:

He was afraid I already had it.

He forgot I don't have anything.



THANKS D. You sort of made my year.

Did You Think I Didn't Know?

I'd like to thank the literal dozens of you who immediately forwarded this article to me.  But, Ryan already told me about it.  Over coffee.  And a foot rub.  He rubs my feet.

Friday Blog Love

This is not so much Blog Love as it is a Blog Post Love.  Sometimes I obsessively google Ryan Gosling, and this post always comes up...and...I couldn't have said it better myself.  Enjoy.

My favorite part: 

"Did you hear that loud boom in the far off distance? Those were my ovaries exploding." 

Check it out!






Here's some more info about the author, lifted from HelloGiggles.com.  

Meghan O'Keefe is a comedian and writer who lives in New York and likes pandas. Follow her on Twitter & Tumblr!  
See more posts from Meghan

Time for More Feminist Ryan Gosling

(Click on the photo for more...)

Don't Play Jokes on my Husband Ryan Gosling, He is Way Too Sensitive

So Ryan Gosling and I were talking last night (he hates it when I write about him and he would die if he knew I posted these photos, so don't tell him!) Anyway, I was saying that I think we should name our babies in alliteration, like in my family, you know: Kim, Keri, Kelly, Kady and Kasey. My sister Kasey did it with Miles, Murphy and Miyo. Why shouldn't we?

He's so cute when he's all tired and cozy.

Anyway Ryan Gosling was like, "Kady. I thought we talked about this. You said you don't even want kids. Why do you always have to name the babies we're never going to have, and then tell me all the stuff you're never going to let them do, and then talk about how they're going to be forced to do tap lessons? And YES. By the way. It IS wrong to purposely break a child's leg just because you think they look cute in a cast. And if we DID have kids, NO we are NOT going to put them in the DRESSER DRAWER instead of a crib. I don't CARE what they're doing in Africa. Are you telling me you want kids? It's like, either you want them or you don't. I'm so confused." and blah blah blah. 

So I had to tell him. Check out his reaction. Ryan Gosling freaked out! "You're pregnant! OMG! I can't believe it! I'm so happy!" And then he kept saying stuff like, "I knew it! Your boobs* have been so HUGE lately. And you eat SO much.  You eat like you haven't eaten in weeks. Wow. Kady, seriously, I have secretly wanted to have tons and tons of kids with you but I pretended not to care because you seemed so dead set against it." and blah blah blah.

And then I was like (and this broke my heart just a little bit), "Psych! Just kidding." And then Ryan Gosling kind of got sad. He totally started crying, but I won't post that photo. That would be mean. Gosh, now that I'm telling the story I totally feel really bad for the poor guy.

And then he was all, "That is not funny."

*Hal would like to object to my use of the word "boobs" in this post.

Oh Man

Can Eva Mendes do this, Ryan Gosling?  I bet she doesn't even have a hat with a little animal on it.  Or a fluorescent vest.




 

It's Time for Feminist Ryan Gosling Again...

Click on the photo for more Feminist Ryan Gosling.

Ryan Gosling, the Man of My Dreams

Last night I had a dream that Ryan Gosling and I were breaking up and as a result, he had to move out of my house.  Well, Ryan Gosling has a lot of hanging clothes.  So I packed all of them up and moved them to the far away location for him.  (I don't know why.  Maybe I needed the closet space.)

A friend who I suspect was Summer was helping me at the undisclosed far away location to hang up all of the hundreds of identical garment bags.  When we finished we decided to stalk him at the restaurant where we knew he'd be dining out with his new lady.

My friend informed me that I had nothing to be afraid of, that we would just show up, be fabulous, tell him where we left all of his clothes and make him regret his bad bad decision.

The new girl was gross!  She had on silk tight printed pants and a matching bare midriff top that tied at the waist.  My friend convinced me to go right up to them and introduce myself.  Why should I be ashamed?  So we did, and by then the girl was sitting on my ex-boyfriend Ryan Gosling's lap!  With her half-ponytailed, frizzed-out hair and bad makeup.  I could not believe he left ME for HER.  I looked at Ryan Gosling, and motioned towards her with my eyes and said,

"Weak chin."

Hey Ryan, I can no longer be your storage unit, OK?

*image stolen from downtowndolls.blogspot.com

More Feminist Ryan Gosling

I can't help it.  I love these.

"Hey girl..."

Click here for more:  http://feministryangosling.tumblr.com/

Feminist Ryan Gosling

New favorite website I wish I had invented.

(Thanks, McShash for the recommend.)




http://feministryangosling.tumblr.com/

Here's a sample:

The Minister, Vol. 3

When we finally finished up our work at the Minister's house and his device was working properly, I told him I had good news and bad news:

"The good news is...your device is up and running and the new meter is working great.  The bad news is...we'll probably never see each other again."  And then I slapped him on the shoulder and we laughed and laughed...  Of course, we had already bonded over the Pickled Pig Lips incident.

I love this job.  I really enjoy talking to people the whole time we're waiting to get their issue resolved.  I love hearing their stories and also enjoy helping them plant palm trees and sweeping their living rooms, as was the case with the Minister.  (See how adorable I am at work?)

Some of the other, more introverted (and ironically Louisiana-born) employees with the first name Summer have a different strategy.  They opt to spend their visits in the air-conditioned car, speaking as little as possible to the customer, since technically that is the job of the Customer Service Rep with whom we partner up.  They choose to be technician-y and fix-y, and are known to be accused of 'not being from around here' because they're 'not really friendly'.  But I digress.

Sometime during the next day, my Customer Service Rep Annie received a call from the Minister, whose real name is Mr. Sims.  They chatted for a moment, and then he asked her to "please have Kady call me."  So, later I called him from my work phone.  I asked him how everything was working for him, and he said everything was fine, but was I was busy that evening?  I said "I'm sorry, Mr. Sims, but I have plans".  He said, "oh, that's too bad.  I was wondering if you wanted to go to a tailgating thing that I was going to go to."  Then he said, "but maybe you'd like to get dinner with me another time."

REMEMBER.  HE HAS 25 CHILDREN.  MOST OF WHICH ARE OLDER THAN ME.

I said, "Mr. Sims, are you asking me out on a date?"  When he said yes, I shuddered and then remembered my imaginary boyfriend Ryan Gosling:  "I don't think my boyfriend would like that."  He wasn't phased.  Instead he just said, "yes he would...yes he would."

So, that was horrifying.  And again you disappoint me, Ryan Gosling.

___

WELL,  the plot thickens.

Yesterday, I visited an older retired couple, and the whole time, the husband kept winking at me.  I ignored it because I thought it was one of those automatic smile-winks that people just do as a tick when they talk.  But then he asked me for my phone number so he could call if he had any questions on his device.  I gave him my work number.
Later, we went alone outside to look at the meter, and he told me that he knew the meter would work properly and the only reason he asked for my number was because I was cute.  I looked at him and said, "If you only knew how many elderly men asked me for my number..."  He was immediately offended by me calling him elderly and then I told him that if he was going to be so bold as to ask a woman for her phone number right in front of his wife he deserved to be offended.

Then he called me.  And left a message.
Then he called me again today.  And left a message.  Including the phrase, "I don't want [you] to think I give up so easily."


TRANSCRIPT OF FIRST VOICEMAIL MESSAGE:
Yah, this call is for Kady?  My name is Murray and I doubt you remember me.  I'll try again tomorrow.


TRANSCRIPT OF SECOND VOICEMAIL MESSAGE:
Yah, this is Murray and I'm calling for Kady Hexum*, and I don't think she remembers who I am...but I'm gonna run the risk of trying again, cuz I don't want her to think I give up so easily.  Anyway...talk to you later.

Is there some kind of sticky note on my forehead that says, "please, no attractives or intelligents need apply.  Just the olds, pervs and grosses for me."??

...and remember 'Rock'?


Maybe Summer is on to something with her "I'm here to fix your device, not make best friends with you" strategy.

This is Mickey Rooney and I have no idea who to give credit to.  I just found it on Google images.

*Summer said, "what is WRONG with you, when she found out I gave a customer my first and last name.  And my PHONE NUMBER.  I countered with...it's my WORK number.  Maybe he really did need to contact me for business-related purposes.  She got so mad.

Why, Ryan, WHY???????

I received a very upsetting email from my friend Ash:

O M Geee Kady, I am SO SORRY! X Inbox X Reply Axxxxx Sxxxxx to me, Summer show details Sep 9 (4 days ago) Are you doing OK? I'm always here to talk, any time. ((hugs)) Ash

With this photo attached:

Ryan, first of all, it was really hurtful to find out this way.  And second, you look a little smug, don't you think?  After all we've been through?

You could have had all this:

 **

I just don't get it.  What does she have that I don't have???

OH.

UGH.





** Sarah Lindahl, I posted that never-before-seen bikini photo just for you.

Dear Ryan Gosling...

Dear Ryan Gosling, are you sure you won't reconsider my dinner date invitation? I know I probably called you at a very busy time...what with you promoting your new movie and everything...but, let's look at the facts:

• I am a very good cook
• I am trained in massage therapy
• You are very good looking:

Photo stolen from perezhilton.com

• I am very good looking:

• I would prefer not to work
• I am practically Canadian
• Some say I look just like Scarlett Johansson
• I am willing to overlook your awkward Mickey Mouse Club phase:

Ugh...you were even adorable in your awkward Mickey Mouse Club phase.

• My parents want me out of their house
• I want a baby

So, call me will ya?  My number is on your cell phone.  Repeatedly. 

Love, Kady

I Think I'm Ready for that Baby Now, Ryan Gosling

I had to send my nephew Murphy to school one day, and here is the email I sent his teacher:

Anne, Murphy doesn't have his backpack because I was unable to get into his house this morning.  I sent him with my backpack. (I threw in some underwear and fresh socks/flip flops just in case.)  That dress he is wearing is not a dress.  In fact it's my sweatshirt.  It is acting as a coat, as I forgot to grab his.  He doesn't have to wear that huge thing all day if he wants to take it off.

The blank piece of paper in the backpack was supposed to be a note to you, but I had no pen.

Signed,

Super responsible Kady Hexum




What's with the face Ryan Gosling?  I'm serious.