Meet Rock. The lovable, adorable Chicago-an who spends parts of every summer at the Lodge where I work. He's in his sixties, and has a full-on "DA BEARSS" accent straight outta Soldier Field in Chicago.
When you read these quotes, you gotta read them in that accent:
"You're built for speed."
"You could make big time babies wit your hips."
"I'm telling you da trooth."
"You look like you come from a healthy gene pool."
"I'm just an old fart that loves nice lookin' women. Like you. I'm telling you da trooth."
"You got dimples in your cheeks. Ya know what dat means? Dat means, I bet you pull down those pants and you got dimples in those cheeks too."
"You have all the physical attributes."
"You're a great lady."
"You're a great baby maker."
"I love that posterior."
"I love you."
"I'd love to propegate wit you."
"Take it fromma guy that's 62 years old. I'm tellin' you da trooth."
All these Rock-isms came at me over the course of maybe two hours. And yes, I turned around and wrote them on a napkin so I wouldn't forget them. When I did, I got the posterior comment, and also this one.
"You're a southpaw. Southpaws are brilliant, ya know."
So did I get offended and slap him across the face? No. I smiled and laughed. Like all of this is witty, hilarious and charming. Because I'm a bartender. And that's what we do.