Sunday, October 30, 2016

Sunday Favorites: Elevators

New to A Lady Reveals Nothing? You've missed SO MUCH. Not to worry. Every Sunday, I dig through the archives to re-post an old favorite. Mostly because I'm too lazy to come up with new content every single day. Enjoy! This story originally appeared on May 1, 2014:

In my office tower, I have deduced that there must be some kind of old people eye doctor on the third floor. This makes for lots of awkward elevator conversations. (Remember when I worked in the same building as that hair restoration company?)

So how do I know about this old people eye clinic on third floor? My main clue is the droves of old people getting on the elevator and taking their sweet sweet time to locate and then push the number 3. The second clue is that when they go back down the elevator they always have an eye patch on. Anyway, remember I'm always late, so I can't tolerate this inability to locate the number 3 in a series of numbers from L-14. This drives me to near insanity. I've taken to just pushing it for them in most cases and then they look at me like, "are you some kind of a magician?" "how'd you know?" and then I'm like, "I'M IN MENSA." 

Yesterday a little old lady was on the elevator already when I ran for the door and barely made it on. She was staring at the numbers and so I pushed 10 for me and 3 for her. She looked at me SO CONFUSED and she said, "I couldn't see the numbers" ( the HECK did she DRIVE to my building then???) and so I said,

"Maybe you should tell that to the eye doctor."

Saturday, October 15, 2016

Happy 50th Anniversary, Mom and Dad!

Stop ruining my moment, KASEY!

My parents celebrate their 50th Anniversary on October 15, 2016.

50 YEARS!!

It's hard to believe that only 50 years ago my mom was a 17-year-old blushing bride, holding her bouquet of flowers in front of her middle to hide my sister Kim, living inside. Back in the day when a man was expected to make good on a mistake. And more mistakes they would make, yessirreeee, 6 more to be exact, one of them being me!

I asked them both what they love about each other, after all this time. Their faces looked not unlike Hillary's and Donald's when asked to say "one positive" thing about the other.

They thought about it for a while and here were their responses:

He takes care of everything that needs taking care of
He keeps the wolves away
He jiggles the toilet handle
He gets the spiders out of the bathrub
He changes the light bulbs
He went to work every day

(...and he had to think about this for a long, long time)
After a snowstorm and I shoveled us all out, she'd make me a hot drink

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