Friday, September 30, 2011

The Bane of Hal's Existence

Perhaps it's a touch of the autism, but my dad really enjoys continuity.  Organization.  Cleanliness.  (We are talking about everything but his booger jeans here.)

And so, much to the chagrin of his six young children, he HATES it when people write in concrete.  We were never allowed to do it.  Boy would he get annoyed in New Orleans.  It's like when a new piece of concrete is poured the whole neighborhood gathers around and writes in it.  There isn't one piece of sidewalk that isn't completely littered with writing:

(Side note: these New Orleans water meter covers are pretty famous...)

Which reminds me of a story.

This summer, my Mom and Dad and I were sitting at home when a truck pulled up to our house, honking like he was an old friend.  A man with a Southern accent asked if we wanted our driveway asphalted.  He was in town working on the road and had some extra, and did we want him and his crew to put some in for us?  My dad yelled 'no thanks' and the man drove away.  About a week later, a different truck and a different man with a Southern accent drove up and honked and asked us the same question.  This time my dad went out and talked to him for about an hour.  I was freaking out because I didn't want this snake oil salesman bilking my dad out of thousands of dollars.  So I marched outside, stood between them, and grilled that Southern man.  Just where the heck was he from?  He said Worthington, Minnesota.  I asked, "what's your street address?"  *pause* THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT.  I said, "don't you think it's a coincidence that just last week another man with a Southern accent came in here trying to sell us asphalt?", and "where are you going to be when we have problems and need to contact you?", and "how are you going to re-sell asphalt to people that the city already paid for?" and "do you have any idea what a full time job it is trying to protect my elderly parents (sorry Mom and Dad) from you shifty salesmen so that they don't spend all of my inheritance???"  *ha.  There is no inheritance.  What a joke.

His bid miraculously went from $16,000 to $10,000 in a matter of five minutes and then down to $8,000.  You gotta be kidding me.  In the end, of course my dad didn't do it, but we got to thinking about doing something about the dirt floor in the garage.

He decided to shop around locally for a contractor right in Roosevelt who could do the work, and CONCRETE, please.  (Who puts asphalt in the garage, anyways?)

We found a guy who did our neighbor's garage floor, and came highly recommended.  He came in at his bid.  He worked fast.  He's even working on future projects for my parents.  Everybody wins.

EXCEPT:  He was set to pour the concrete the day that I left for New Orleans.  And so I wouldn't be able to secretly write my name in the floor of the garage, securing my place as favorite daughter and also world's best prankster.  So, I contacted him and told him I would pay him $100 to secretly write 'Kady' somewhere when he was finished.  Somewhere inconspicuous, hidden.  My plan was that my dad should get mad at me once.  Not every day for the rest of his life.
Well, he did it!  Free of charge.  I was so excited about our little secret.  And my dad called me and freaked out when he saw it which was exactly the reaction I was hoping for.  It was.  Satisfying.

Crappy penmanship.  And he wrote it WAY TOO BIG.  No wonder this kind of thing irritates my dad so much.  My mom sent me a photo:

Here it is.  In foot-tall letters.  That's a standard palate there in the photo.

My mom says it looks like Lucy from The Peanuts wrote it.  I guess if you want something done gotta delay your trip to New Orleans.

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Here, We Play the WordyGurdy

I have noticed since arriving in New Orleans that it takes ten times as many words to say what we might say in Minneapolis.  

For example, a Minnesotan sign to warn criminals that they are on video tape might say,

"Smile.  You're on Camera."

In New Orleans, well...

A few more examples~


New Orleans:
We would like to apologize on your behalf for the inconvenience that we have caused to you.

We'll be there around 5:30.

New Orleans:
We will arrive at your place of residence exactly, approximately, for sure by 5:30.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Pop On Over to Summer's Blog...

...For a great post about the bi-polar-ness of New Orleans.  BONUS video-dance-lesson from yours truly.

And don't forget to save her to your favorites.

Seriousely [sic], "Matt"?

I saw this sign today and it begs a very obvious question:  

Is this a misspelling, or does somebody named Matt have a Washateria?  A play on words would be kind of cute, I admit.  I just couldn't shake the feeling that somebody's doing it wrong.

I had to know.  So, I googled "Laundry Matt", and got:

Showing results for laundromat

Search instead for laundry matt

I clicked "Search instead for laundry matt" and found this sorry chat discussion board for Maltese dogs with the following question:

Maltese Guru

wagirl98665's Avatar

Name: B*****
Dog's Name: M****, M**, B**** & T*****
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: *********, **
Posts: 4,703
Send a message via Yahoo to wagirl98665

I'm so stressed I have to go to the ghetto to wash my comforters.  Although I have the extra large machine, it's really not big enough for comforters to swish around and wash really good. Wonder why the ghetto is the only neighborhoods with laundry matts? People in good neighborhoods have things to wash sometimes too. I'm always afraid of catching some kind of nasty desease. What do you do with your comforters? I use to dry clean until I found out they could be washed.

Ugh.  I guess people in "good neighborhoods" are ignorant sometimes too.  (Maybe you should train your four dogs NOT to pee on your bedspread so you can avoid all those nasty deseases [sic] that everybody catches at laundry matts [sic].)

I really wanted to believe that the "Laundry Matt" was being "cute", but after I saw its next-door neighbor, the Burrittos Grille LLC...I don't know what to think.

Monday, September 26, 2011

Summer-isms, Vol. 16. EXTRA!!

I have a few more than usual this time.  Please appreciate each one individually for it's hilarity.

"Do you really want to be known as the girl with the braid?"

"We need to agree NOT to post anything on Facebook after 11:30pm."

"These are the arms of a 600-pound woman who has lost 400 pounds."

"My teeth look SO straight, but SO yellow."

"Are you eating a half-pizza all alone in your room on Facebook?"   (Yes.  Yes I was.)

"You're turning into a big weirdo."

"Do you ever wish it was more than just you and me?"

"I'm real good at closing things tight.  I'm a hair-stylist."

"You know I'm going to swear at least once an hour.  If I'm telling a story."

And this one.  This one isn't a Summer-ism, per se.  More like a Summer-fact.
She, at six years old, sat on Sam Walton's lap.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

To Die For

Sort of a variation on a recipe from my sister Kelly...

Sautee fresh green beans in Sesame Oil.  Add onion, garlic, and rice vinegar.  When they're nice and almost ready, toss in cherry tomatoes (here I have yellows and reds) for a little minute and dust with toasted sesame seeds.

Crushed pepper and a little soy sauce.  YUM.  And if you have any asian-y salad dressings you can use that too.

Delicious served hot or cold.

Saturday, September 24, 2011


I didn't really have any idea that we'd be caught up in a mail storm of Saint's Fever while here in New Orleans.  I couldn't care less about sports, to be sure.  I only sort of get into Women's Beach Volleyball during the Summer Olympics but that's because I can't stop staring at their bikini butt wedgies.  Hello...?  I know I'm not the only one.

*Image stolen from
Anyways, (and this blog post doesn't begin to touch on Saints' Fever) we have tailgating parties outside our balcony on Decatur.  They set up a plasma screen TV on the outside of one of our neighborhood businesses and people come on by to watch and be noisy.  I'm dying to attend the next one.  Unfortunately we had plans to go to dinner with our bosses that night so we couldn't make the festivities.

This is the Superdome where the Saints play.  My office is less than a block away.  On game days we have to purposely go home early to avoid the crazy traffic it causes.

You should have seen this dude celebrate when that guy scored a really long touchdown during the Green Bay game.  He ran throughout the whole restaurant, dancing, arms in the air.

I didn't get that on tape, but here he is being kooky:

Anyway, it's hard not to get caught up in all of it.  I have decided to cheat on the Volleyball Butts to get into Football Butts momentarily.

*photo stolen from

Friday, September 23, 2011

ah, Facebook.

Facebook.  Bringing people from around the world together.  And making it possible for two lazy roommates to insult each other without leaving the privacy of their own bedrooms.

No you are.
 ·  · 28 minutes ago · Privacy:

    • Kady Hexum not napping?
      27 minutes ago · 

    • Summer I'm checking on a douf from last night douf. Or is it doof?
      23 minutes ago · 

    • Kady Hexum Well I'm trying to find us a new apartment, doof. 10 pushups!
      19 minutes ago · 

    • Summer napping. now. you call Heather?
      19 minutes ago · 

    • Summer I miss your smile.
      19 minutes ago · 

    • Kady Hexum got her voicemail, left a too-long message.
      19 minutes ago · 

    • Kady Hexum as usual
      19 minutes ago · 

    • Kady Hexum do the pushups.
      18 minutes ago · 

    • Summer omg that is SOOOOO like you
      18 minutes ago · 

    • Kady Hexum will you bring me a beer before you fall asleep?
      18 minutes ago · 

    • Summer how bout this crazy adventure we're on? eatin catfish and okra while watching Tyler Perry movies. If they could see us now. Then THEY"D be the sorry people!
      17 minutes ago · 

    • Summer they think WE'RE the sorry people
      17 minutes ago · 

    • Summer  I can't and you know why
      17 minutes ago · 

    • Summer  yes, the bacon-lover
      17 minutes ago · 

    • Kady Hexum from mom swap?
      17 minutes ago · 

    • Summer  yes
      16 minutes ago · 

    • Kady Hexum heh heh. did you do the pushups
      16 minutes ago · 

    • Summer  I can't; I'll do them later
      16 minutes ago · 

    • Summer what's the bare minimum number of steps you think I could take to get to your room?
      15 minutes ago · 

    • Summer I'll measure when I wake up
      15 minutes ago · 

    • Kady Hexum I had to do my pushups under the desk at work, you will do yours right now.
      15 minutes ago · 

    • Summer I SAID I CAN'T OK!?
      14 minutes ago · 

    • Kady Hexum Do you think I could throw a shoe and hit David from the balcony?
      13 minutes ago · 

    • Summer yes but I'm better at hoops
      11 minutes ago · 

    • Kady Hexum Please stop saying hoops. That makes me just as mad as when you called zit pus "sebum"
      11 minutes ago · 

    • Summer not zit pus! that is different. ewwwwww
      10 minutes ago · 

    • Summer  wow. Tucson is far
      9 minutes ago · 

    • Summer  is Mexico still dangerous for people like us?
      8 minutes ago ·  ·  1 person

    • Kady Hexum Redheads and super-smarts?
      7 minutes ago ·  ·  1 person

    • Kady Hexum when you measure the steps to my room, please remember the beer
      6 minutes ago · 

    • Summer  ‎"Kady you are a positive young lady who has no filters and says whatever's on her mind. Summer, you are a very intelligent young lady"
      5 minutes ago · 

    • Kady Hexum ‎"Kady you have a strong personality. Summer, you are a very intelligent old lady."
      4 minutes ago · 

    • Summer  that's not how it went at all
      4 minutes ago · 

    • Summer  ‎"Summer, you look just like Joan from Mad Men (Kadrelle)" "Kady you got to harry up and git married and have some babies!" (Brandon)
      3 minutes ago · 

    • Kady Hexum I think he said my eggs were old.
      2 minutes ago · 

    • Summer  he said they needed a walker
      about a minute ago · 

    • Summer  ok I'm sleeping now love you byyyyeeee
      about a minute ago · 

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