Monday, September 12, 2011

The Minister, Volume 2

Remember the story of the Minister I visited at work?

Well I had to go back to his place on Wednesday.  It was another two hour visit, (last time was three+ hours).  I overheard Mr. Minister tell Miss Annie that he was "as busy as a long-tail cat in a room fulla rocking chairs."  But we passed the time famously.  I found out who was and was not the father on Maury Povich, caught up on my Housewives of New Jersey, and somehow, I'm not sure how? found myself on hands and knees in his front yard, digging in the soil helping him plant a palm tree.  I advised him on how to get it out of the pot and spread the roots and to give it a good soaking.  Later, I swept his living room with a tiny broom.  But it's OK!  He bought me Popeye's chicken for lunch, in another unexplained trip away from the house while we were inside.

I met one of his daughters.  I asked her, "Is it true your dad has 25 kids?"  She said she wasn't sure the exact number but that sounded about right.  She said, "they talk about 'Papa Was a Rolling Stone'.  That's him.  I thought I was the youngest until last year when I met two younger than me."  And then she started talking about her sister Kawanna.  I said, "do you mean Kawanda?", because I remember there was a Katrina, Kareena, Katanya and Kawanda.  But no Kawanna.  She looked at me like I was a crazy person and then said, "Oh yah, see you know better than me.  Her name is Kawanda."

The problem (that we eventually resolved!) with Mr. Minister's meter issue was bigger than anybody expected, and another team from the lab showed up to help, and while we were all collaborating, Kadrell, one of the customer service representatives from the energy company, was enjoying some of the Minister's pickled pigs lips.  She offered me some.  I said OK, because, what have I learned from traveling the world for a year if not to always try new and different foods?  I told her to just tear me off a tiny piece so I could get a taste.  It tasted pickled.  Brine-y.  The texture was a little firmer than wet bread, with little hairs.  Here is the conversation that took place between Kadrell and me:

Kadrell:  "what do you think?"
Me:  "I don't love it.  So how is this a lip?  Is it like the bottom lip of the pig?"
Kadrell:  "It's like this. Pigs don't have lips. They have snouts.  Do you know what you're eating?"
Me:  "What?  Butt?"  (yah right. Why would they call the butt a lip?)
Kadrell:  "Close."
Me:  (ohhhhhhh...)  "Front-butt?"
Kadrell:  "Yes.  You're eating the pig's front-butt.  You're eating pig vagina.  Didn't you notice it was hairy?"*

I gasped, horrified.  It was hairy!  I looked up.  Hoping, praying for it not to be true.  And all I could see was Mr. Minister, laughing so hard at me that his cigarette fell out of his mouth.

*Ripped off of the

*There is some debate as to what a pig lip REALLY is.  I still don't know.  


Kelly said...

Yuck Yuck Yuck Yuck Yuck

Mom said...

That is the second time your lips touched those kind of lips.

Jacqui said...

Thanks, Dianne, for that visual I didn't need. Anyone have some bleach for my brain?

A Lady Reveals Nothing said...

Mom! I was going to leave that for another blog post.

Are you getting me back for the cauliflower comment???

Laura said...


Mom said...

Kady I do think your friends need to know that you are only a CHIP off this old block.

A Lady Reveals Nothing said...

are you saying I CHIPPED you? I had no teeth!

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