Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Something sort of weird and dangerous just happened...

...so I'm unwinding, two glasses of wine, watching a movie, and suddenly I hear somebody talking REALLY LOUD outside my window. So of course I turn down my movie and I start listening.


Super loud. So I look out the window and there is a young guy, 20's-ish, and he is DRUNK. Swaying, and calling somebody and trying to get somewhere.

My mind was racing. Should I call the police? There's no time to get his licence plate. I can't let this DRUNK person drive away and kill a little baby! He's about to drive away. But I can't let him in my house! It's raining! What about the babies!? So I scream "HEY!" and then I hear him interrupt his phone call and see him look around.

"You wanna sober up a little before you go anywhere?"


"You wanna hang out?"

"Sure. Where ARE you?"

So I run downstairs and open up the front door, and sit on the front porch. This guy is TRASHED. Can't WALK. It's raining. My butt is now wet from sitting on my porch and it's raining on me. He sits down. We exchange pleasantries.

ME: "Do you want to go for a walk?"


"Let me grab an umbrella and some shoes."

I ran in the house (locked the door behind me) and grabbed my shoes but couldn't find an umbrella and we ended up walking down to 54th and then down to Cedar and back. (About 9 blocks.) The entire time I was praying, hoping that my good deed would not end in a rape/murder situation. I kept looking at every house that had lights on...he tells me about his daughter Ava Grace, and she's 2, and she's his whole world. His brother has had 2 DUI's, his sister has had one. He works for a grocery produce distributor. His brother lost his license for a year, and his sister 6 months. I explained that if he lost his license, he couldn't get to work and then he couldn't take care of Ava.

Blah blah blah

I decided I couldn't let him drive, even after our walk. I couldn't let him in my house. I asked who we could call. Could somebody come and get him? Could I call him a cab? We called his brother. I talked to him. He lives at 60th and Chicago.

And then Rigs called. (Dude from the phone call that started thsi whole thing). He said, "I'm really disappointed DAN, I'm really f&^$%&g disappointed."

Dan goes, "I'm not coming to the bar."

I go, "Let me talk to Rigs...hi Rigs this is Kady. I'm trying to get Dan a ride home"

Rigs goes, "F*#K YOU!!!!!!!! KAAAAAAAADY!"

I'm like, (to Dan) "nice friend, Dan".

Rigs continues, "You tell DAN that I'm throwing all his S*&t outside in a box..."

I'm like, "you sound like an angry wife".

Then he hung up on me.

And then Dan's brother came and got him. but not before I heard him yelling that "that girl didn't give me good directions". I think Dan and his friends hate women. But he didn't hurt me. He did ask for my phone number though.


p.s. Mom and Dad, I'm sorry I did that. It seemed like the right thing to do at the time. And, I'm adding it to the list of reasons why it's a miracle I'm alive right now.


A Lady Reveals Nothing said...

Also, his car has like a 24 pack of crappy beer in the back seat. And a half-eaten hamburger just sitting in the front passenger seat.

I wish I could say I had high hopes for Dan and your safety on Minneapolis roads.

A Lady Reveals Nothing said...


Of course I couldn't sleep because I kept picturing this dude and his brother coming in my house, and so I totally woke up at 3am to the sound of somebody PEELING out of my neighborhood. I looked out the window and the car was gone.

PEELING out? Is that really necessary?

I totally lost some major faith in humanity. Clearly "Rigs" got home from the bar, most likely drunk, and convinced Dan to get his car then and there.

sheashea said...

wow...they must have ran out of stuff to drink and remembered the 24 pack. Thats pretty crazy, but just call the boys in blue next time. Better he gets off the road and you survive to travel the world again.

Flaggy said...

I just have to ask - Was he cute?

kasey said...

kady, this is coming from love: you are THE stupidest idiot EVER. why have you not been eaten by a bear or swallowed by a pelican? If an alien shoots at you and is saying, "we come in peace, don't run, we are your friends" don't listen to the words, instead: realize he is shooting at you.

ps: I think it's all because your left handed. you just ain't right.

A Lady Reveals Nothing said...

No. Not cute.

Anonymous said...

But you're afraid of gollum. . . and the fake scary thing from The Village????????? Love, Jacqui

A Lady Reveals Nothing said...

p.s. Kasey, did you just watch Mars Attacks again for the 100th time?

A Lady Reveals Nothing said...

p.s. again, who is Flaggy?

Flaggy said...

I am left-handed. Not even a good body?

A Lady Reveals Nothing said...

Sad. He was so drunk I couldn't tell.
BIG baggy shorts.Sideways baseball cap. Not my type.

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