Sunday, June 5, 2011

Kiss My Grits, in the Key of G, Please

Tonight was my first night waitressing serving at the Lodge near where my parents live.  I had a total of four tables all night and felt dang stressed out about it.  Of course there were three of us working and of course the two seasoned waitresses servers had probably ten each and called it a slow night. 

I was taught not to set down your drink tray on the table when you're bringing them out (oops) and also not to talk too long (oops).  Apparently people are not there to talk to me.  They're there to eat.  *This one will be tough because I am SO INTERESTING.   

At about 9pm, a man came in and set up a Karaoke machine.  Now, Karaoke is my third favorite activity right behind pinching blackheads and sleeping in.  So it was difficult, nay, it PAINED me when nobody signed up and the Karaoke man sang about 6 songs in a row to get everybody warmed up...people, this is where I come in.  I have like a ton of go-to songs ready for just such occasions, but instead I found myself sweeping and doing dishes, touching wet food no less (least favorite activity), feeling sorry for the Karaoke guy and trying to clean up the kitchen as fast as possible.  At 10:30 I finally finished my shift, threw my apron on a chair, and sang my little heart out to the style of Gladys Knight and the Pips, Gloria Gaynor, Bonnie name a few.

(By then a lot more people were game to sing so it wasn't just me up there...)  Which reminds me of the time I had the best idea for a Saturday Night Live skit.  Say you have a guy who runs the Karaoke night, but he won't let anybody else sing.  He just sings the whole time and ignores requests.  Maybe one audience member gets a song in and then he sings like four in a row.  Hilarious!  Well I guess there already is exactly that skit.  I'll add it to the list of things I invented that already exist.  Like the blackhead popping implement.

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