"You know what? A lot of these problems are me."
"Neurologist? Don't you mean your uterus?"
"Quit this traveling."
"I said one dirty thing. We don't have to spend all afternoon on it."
"Well listen: I don't have all day to talk to you. They asked me if I was your father and I said, 'sometimes.'"
Two words: twitter account.
I wish Larry was as interesting as your dad. He always says the same things: "Are you ready to leave yet?; I can get that cheaper at _____; Did you lock the door?; what's for supper? And on, and on, and on.
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