Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Meeting the New Neighbors! Finally!


This morning I received the nicest note from a neighbor!


I didn't really know what to do. But I just couldn't let them "get away with it"! People like me, once they meet me (I think) and so I marched right up to the door and knocked loudly. An ancient, crabby, meth-head looking woman came to the door and I showed her the note.
"Gosh," I apologized. "I'm really sorry about this...I got a note. You know, the only space available on the street was the one in front of your house. It won't happen again..."
She wouldn't even look at me. She turned around and went back in the house. WHATEVER!!!
My facebook friends had the following suggestions:

  • Park in her yard.
  • Leave a bag of flaming poop on her doorstep.
  • Burn the house down and roast hot dogs on the embers.
  • Park in front of that walkway from here on out.
  • March up to the door, West-Side Story style, ready for a dance-fight.
I've been thinking about what I SHOULD have said, and thought up a couple of real good comebacks:







7 comments:

Chris said...

All I've got to say is, your handwriting is very similar.

Jared Wennstrom said...

There is another way to interpret the note.
If you look carefully, it appears she may have actually _signed_ the note "Idiot" (given the word's location at the far right, on its own line). If that's the case, there are only a couple of possibilities:
1. Her surname is "Idiot", which is unlikely according to howmanyofme.com (which suggests there are less than 117 Idiots in the U.S.)
2. She sees herself as an idiot, in which case it's clear her self-esteem is dangerously low, and she deserves your pity, not your wrath. Poor thing.

In either case, the correct response is to stop parking your car in front of the walkway. If you time it right, you should be able to park on top of your neighbor instead.

Brutalism said...

Flaming bag of poo. It's a classic.

Anonymous said...

Burn her a CD, which may be too futuristic for her, of fun little walk on or driving songs. A couple Of them could be Walk on By, Drive by The Cars, These Boots are Made for Walkin' by Nancy Sinatra, or even Deadman's Curve. Maybe you should include Mr. Roger's Won't You Be My Neighbor to soothe The Bridge Over Troubled Waters. Good luck Lady.

Megs said...

I know that two wrongs don't make a right and that we should kill with kindness blah, blah, blah. But people like that, that are insanely rude without provocation, make me so angry. I say burn the place done and park on the ashes.

Anonymous said...

Jared has a point, but i see it differently. I picture her writing the note, all but the last word, then leaning back in her chair thinking about you in general (not just the parking situation) and finally feeling she has "grokked" you completely adding the final word.

ps. i use the word "grok" only to expose Jared as the SfFi nerd he is. it will almost certainly draw him out.

Jared Wennstrom said...

Grok...funny. You're right, of course, like the honey badger, drawn by the delicious [though temporarily soporific] cobra, I cannot help but rise to the bait of a Robert A. Heinlein reference, much less an allusion to his masterwork.

And now, having been drawn out, I must return to my nerd cave to complete my annual reading of "Ender's Game".

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