New to A Lady Reveals Nothing? You've missed SO MUCH. Not to worry. Every Sunday, I dig through the archives to repost an old favorite. Mostly because I'm too lazy to come up with new content every single day. This story originally appeared on May 1, 2010, when I had a giant epiphany about bathrooms:
I had an epiphany yesterday.
I am probably shooting myself in the foot with my bathroom fear because I'm spending WAY too much time in there, trying to mentally prep myself for the task at hand.
First, I either foot-push or middle-finger-push the door open slowly, scanning the floor and walls and ceiling for geckos or spiders. Then I step into the stall slowly, slowly, slowly, turning sideways to make myself skinny(!) so I don't touch anything. I look around again for creepy crawleys. Then I use a piece of my kleenex to lift the lid in a Western-syle toilet to check for spiders, bugs, rats under the seat. Then I step from left foot to right foot, mustering courage to begin the process. My hands are usually in the air in front of me, or at my sides, waving slightly. I breathe in and out, slowly. Then I usually make sure my camera, wallet, purse, sunglasses are secured before I unzip my pants and slowly, slowly turn around. The rest of the procedure is carried out in a similarly slow and tedious fashion.
The epiphany is this: Why not hurry up, pee and get the heck out of there?!