Sunday, August 10, 2014

Sunday Favorites: "You Know What I Like to Do?"

New to A Lady Reveals Nothing? You've missed SO MUCH. Not to worry. Every Sunday, I dig through the archives to repost an old favorite. Mostly because I'm too lazy to come up with new content every single day. Enjoy! This story originally appeared on February 27, 2013:

I'm in Puerto Rico with my sister and some friends, one of whom has a funny habit of swapping head for toes on the bed while she sleeps. In other words, she puts her feet by the headboard and her face by the footboard.

Exhibit A

Which reminds me of a story...

When I was about twelve, I had a friend who had HUGE boobs. Of course I had none. (I'm still waiting for them to come in.) Anyway this poor girl was really private about her boobs and I had thus far never been able to sneak a glance — not even like for swimming or sleepovers. She always changed in the closet while the rest of us 'two-backs' changed right in front of each other because what did we have to hide?

Well. One time she spent the night. My bedroom was attached to the bathroom by a tiny doorway that everybody but me banged their head on. And if you looked from the foot of my bed into the bathroom you could see the shower against the far wall. The shower had one of those sliding door situations, with a mirror on one side and a foggy glass door on the other. The way the tracks were set up, you were supposed to put the mirror by the shower head and the foggy glass door further away because the mirror was on the inside track. Correct door placement prevented water from going out the shower between the cracks in the two doors onto the floor outside, which was carpet (ew), but that's not the point of this story. The point of this story is that sometimes guests didn't know how the doors were supposed to go. Now, I didn't mean for this to happen, but it did: My friend with the boobs decided to take a shower and put the doors the wrong way and I accidentally noticed and I was so curious about those boobs that I swapped heads for toes on my bed and sort of watched her take a shower.

Yep. I did.

This is pretty embarrassing to admit. Just remember I was only twelve and still waiting for the boob fairy to pay me a visit. Anyway at some point during her shower, she looked out the foggy glass doors. I felt sure she was looking right at me! Busted! I didn't dare move. What if she saw me scramble to move? Then she would know I was watching her! I had to think quickly!

Instead, I stayed still and pretended to be sleeping when she got out of the shower. Casually and nonchalantly, I remarked, "You know what I like to do? I like to wake up in the morning and flip around in the bed and lay my head at the foot of the bed."

For the rest of our friendship I had to wake up in the morning and flip around in the bed and lay my head at the foot of the bed, because that's what "I like to do". The next morning, she put her towel over the foggy part of the glass. For privacy.

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