Sunday Favorites? On a Wednesday????? ...A Day at the Farm

Today is the 4th of July, 2012. I'm back at the farm, wrastlin' up cattle. I decided to repost the story from last year.

From 7/3/2011:

My dad and I went to a friend's farm to participate in a hundred-year-old tradition of getting the calves innoculated and tagged and other necessary torture tactics (castration).  It was such a fun experience to be a cowgirl for the day.  My dad looks super handsome in his cowboy hat, no?

My first calf.  Liza took it down and I had to help hold it down.

Awwwwwww...

There's some good-lookin' dudes on this ranch.

My partner and me.

I took this one down...I kind of had to roll it on top of myself and then get out from underneath it.

This is Ted.  You might remember him from the Granada 6.  We both lived in Costa Rica at the same time.  Turns out he has been helping with these calves for years.

Full of crap.  Literally.

Facing fears...here I am fileting a "Rocky Mountain Oyster"

EW!  Erica was screaming: "it's dripping! it's dripping!"

Afterward, we went for a ride through the pasture to check on the calves and make sure they were doing OK.

Minnesota...I love ya.

Bringing the burro in the house to see grandma is an old tradition.  She fed him some Cheetos.

Hal-isms, Vol. 26

My dad and I have a tradition. Or we tried to have a tradition. Last year we got really into the Minnesota State Flower, the Showy Lady's Slipper. It was a pretty exciting time. We drove around and stared and pulled over and took pictures and bonded over these beautiful orchids, which grow plentifully up by my parents' place. I swore that for the rest of my life my dad and I would share this every summer. But this year I got lazy and couldn't get up there to see them. Oh, the phone calls! Please enjoy Hal-isms, Volume 26, which is basically a transcription of one phone call in which he berates me for not driving 14 hours in one weekend to see him the Lady's Slippers:

Sorry, Dad.

On my recent trip to Mount Rushmore. "Kady. You drive out to see the president but you don't drive up to see me. It's a stone. And then I go to see a coyote and people say 'ugh'."

"I would sit on the sharpest stick for you. Four feet long. Wait- that would come up under my heart, wouldn't it?"

"It's not ethnic groups. The prejudice that I have in me is city people versus normal people."

"Ignorant isn't a bad word. It just means you don't know."

"My prejudices are more toward...you people from the city, from the big town. You're the problem."

"I'm going on facebook to talk dirty like the rest of you kids."

"I stopped the tractor and I look around. And I'm six feet up. Oh my God, Kady, there are HUNDREDS of lady's slippers on Butch's field. Not five. Not ten. HUNDREDS."

Then I asked how he could possibly burn out Butch's field. "I can't do it. It would be like murdering a Kindergarten class."

"You have to come now, or be one of them dummies. One of them city people. Look at your cement blocks. Look at your empty cans of beer. The money. And go clubbing. And don't worry about the Lady's Slippers. Why worry about it? Right?"

"Kady there's an old expression. You've never heard it. It goes: Stop and Smell the Roses."

"There's more to life than cement buildings, and crime and people who don't have a clue because they've never driven up to the lake and looked at the stars through a telescope where there isn't so much light."

"I knew a guy who was a walking thesaurus. Well I'm a walking encyclopedier."

"Why don't you look at another cement block. And say, 'I don't think I've seen that one before.'"

"There's more to life than not having mud on your shoes, Dear."

"Tell 'em I apologize for misconstruing their perception."

"People say, 'save a whale, they're all dying'. And so I go, 'oh no! the whales are all dying!' Well there's a bunch of whales and they're not all dying."

"It just came to me today. As I'm sitting out looking at my pristene view. Kady, I gotta tell you. Can I change the subject?"

The Steam Room

When my sisters and I were traveling in Austria, we stayed at a fabulous hotel in the mountains which boasted a spa that included several kinds of Turkish steam baths. As prudish Americans we were given pause at the "NO BATHING SUITS" sign as we entered the spa. We got seriously confused. What the?! Why? OH!! But you can wear a towel!...OK...we can just wear our towels. Phew! We started in the eucalyptus room and moved to the lemon room, never opening up our modesty cloaks towels. After that we kind of separated and started trying new rooms on our own. We were pretty much the only people in there, and when I ended up alone in a sauna, I couldn't help the urge to try something new *wink*. I stationed myself on an upper bench and opened up my towel. How dangerous! How luxurious! How exciting! The decadence was short lived, since not three seconds later I heard the door open. I quickly shut my towel. In walked a completely naked European man who lay down (face up) across the room from me on a lower bench.

I didn't know what to do. I couldn't get up and leave, because I had just arrived, but I was seriously uncomfortable. I was terrified that I was going to 'look'. I lay there, trying to decide what would be a rational amount of time to decide to leave a sauna after you enter. I gave it five minutes.

When I got up, I sat up too quickly and BANGED! my head on the ceiling. OW! How embarrassing! I made eye contact with the man. Then-I-looked-at-his-thing-and-then-I-panicked-and-so-I-looked-back-at-his-face-but-got-nervous-and-then-looked-back-at-his-thing-and-then-back-at-his-face.

And then I got the heck out of there.

Yah right, dudes. No bathing suits allowed.

Sunday Favorites: Makeup and a Dress

New to A Lady Reveals Nothing? You've missed SO MUCH. Not to worry. Every Sunday, I dig through the archives to repost an old favorite. Mostly because I'm too lazy to come up with new content every single day. Enjoy! This story originally appeared on December 17, 2011 when Summer and I were working on water meters in Arizona:


The other day at work, we were sitting in the car finishing up some paperwork and an older gentleman came out to the end of his driveway and stared me right in the eye. I shrugged my shoulders at him but he kept staring and so finally I rolled down the window.

He said, (in a Native American-slash-Canadian-slash-Mexican accent),

"To be honest with you I wish there was a problem here all the time so I can see beautiful women like you."

"Damn. You know?"

"Both of you are pretty."

"The way you are right now? I can imagine you in a dress and some makeup."

"I've been watching you work, and I thought, man, she can look like a movie star. You know?"

"It's incredible."

Summer was on the phone and I was talking to this weirdo and writing everything he was saying really fast. She wondered what all the hubbub was about and ended her phone call. She leaned across me and asked him what he needed, and he said,

"Don't believe who hired you.  Believe a stranger.  Don't believe whoever hired you.  It's not correct to hire beautiful women.  You know what I mean?  Do you understand what I'm saying?"

We had to take a picture of ourselves.  Because we could look like movie stars?  You know?

Lil' Miyo

My niece Miyo talking into a banana like it was a phone: "OK, someone is going to open this for me. Gotta go. This is not a phone."

Kady and Kasey

I'd like to share a facebook photo comment trail that I happen to find wildly hilarious. Behold: Kasey and I on a family roadtrip out to Yellowstone National Park in 1991.

1991 was a really good hair year.

• 
• Kady:  Blonde perm and braces. Looks like the breast buds were coming in too...
• February 10, 2009 at 11:57pm ·

• 
  

  Kasey:  gross! Your breast buds used to be bigger than mine. Notice my Hilary Clinton headband. It had batting in it or something under the navy blue fabric to make it puffy.
  

  February 11, 2009 at 11:45am ·

• 
  

  Kady:  why is there gum on my face?
  

  February 11, 2009 at 1:20pm ·
• 
  

  Keri:  That hair cut, even when in style never did anything for anyone.
  

  February 11, 2009 at 3:32pm ·
• 
  

  Keri:  Look at those two sweeties smiling with arm around eachother, like they never would think of fighting.
  

  February 11, 2009 at 3:33pm ·
• 
  

  Kady:  I loved it! It was shaved up the back.
  

  February 11, 2009 at 3:34pm ·
• 
  

  Kasey:  I think we were laughing at the fact that I had just taken a crap on the ground in the mountains. The brakes were heating up due to overuse and we had to pull over where there was nothing but wilderness. When you gotta go, you gotta go.
  

  February 11, 2009 at 6:23pm ·
• 
  

  Kady:  p.s. Kasey in this photo, the smoke behind you sort of makes it look like you just totally farted.
  

  April 19, 2009 at 11:59pm ·
• 
  

  Kady:  Or maybe that was your smoking poo, laying on the ground behind you.
  

  April 20, 2009 at 12:00am ·
• 
  

  Kasey:  that's alot of smoke, either that or alot of poo
  

  September 22, 2009 at 2:55pm ·
• 
  

  Jennifer:  OMG !! Thanks for the laugh!! I totally miss you guys!! lol
  

  November 3, 2009 at 8:06pm ·
• 
  

  Kasey:  Miles, "Mom, look at her and tell me her name shouldn't be Bryce."
  

  20 hours ago ·
• 
  

  Kasey:  Yay, I'm a Becky.
  

  20 hours ago·
• 
  

  LaMortimer: You guys are livin the vida loca here
  

  19 hours ago
• 
  

  Anita: Did both of you play Becky in 'Roseanne' at some point?
  

  12 hours ago
• 
  

  LaMortimer: Kasey may have been on fire in this photo
  

  12 hours ago
• 
  

  Kasey:  My neck filled in for the role of Becky for two episodes. They were cut.
  

  12 hours ago

My Mom.

I want my mom to tell this story so bad.


 


But my stupid, stupid phone was too full of dumb pictures like this...

Come on. Hilarious.

...and the video cut out. So I'll finish telling the story here.

To review: My mom accidentally passed gas at Menards (to relieve some pressure. There was no sharting.) She sent my dad off to shop in an attempt to scrunch collect herself.

The rest of the story goes something like this:

Once the storm had calmed, they met up again. As they were walking through the aisles near the 'incident', they saw a Menards employee -- on hands and knees -- sniff testing underneath all of the gas grills, presumably to look for a noxious chemical leak because something stunk THAT bad and someone had obviously reported it.

Ol' Hal grabbed my Mom's hand in a valiant act of solidarity and escorted her out of the store, heads held high.

On Golden Pond

Remember this magical place?

My sister Kim's pond in Northern Minnesota.

Well, it's not just for winter sports! During my nephew's graduation party, a few of us snuck off to the pond to enjoy a little canoeing, a little paddle boating, and a little competitive racing and bumper-canoeing:

What me, Worry? (Laurissa, I borrowed your shoes without asking while you were in Eastern Europe. BUSTED.)

An Email to Roxie

An email I wrote to my buddy Roxie from Tucson.
January 10, 2012:

hahahaAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA   

I don't have any funny stories for you today.  I worked 12 hours...oh yes I do.  Here's one:

Every time I go to the bathroom I'm amazed at how GOOD my butt smells, it's like a wonderful powdery but not too powdery clean smell.  Yesterday and today.  I can't get over how great it smells, and I'll be very honest, I haven't showered since last Thursday, (I did a wet wipe on my butt the other day, but they're not powder scented) so it just doesn't make ANY SENSE.  

I finally figured it out.  My renters left behind some Dreft laundry detergent from their babies.  Well I decided to make that my underwear washing detergent and I washed a bunch of brand new underwears I bought at the GAP in Dreft.  Anyways, that's the yummy smell.  (And a great tip to mask butt smell.)

"Dreft. I wouldn't dream of washing my grungies in anything else."

~Kady. Mediocre Blogger.

A shining endorsement, indeed. 

Summer and Roxie

Miyo-isms, Vol. 2

"There's nothin' wrong with boys. Ok there's something wrong with Justin Bieber. He's like trying to be cute. But he's not." 

"Lady Gaga is just for a song. And a friend."

"Hey LADY!"

"You know who likes Justin Bieber? Lisa. Lisa and Lexi. Lexi wishes he would come over to her house."

"I don't like Justin Bieber, okay? You can keep driving."

_____

We spent the day together on Sunday and she rode her bicycle for the very first time without training wheels! She did great.

You ever seen a cuter bicyclist?

And then it started pouring so we hung out in the car...

Really, Miyo? "I love Kady"? If you loved me you wouldn't write on my windows.

She had no good answer for that one.

...and the rain didn't let up so we went to have Pupusas at my favorite new restaurant Pupuseria la Palmera on 42nd and Cedar. If you live in Minneapolis you simply must go and have the revueltas (pork, tomato, onion, green pepper and cheese.) Miyo had the cheese with loroco (an edible flower). Smother them in Cole Slaw and Salsa...only $1.75 each. We had three pupusas and two pineapple juices for less than $10...

...and then the sun came out and Miyo and I went back and rode the entire way around Lake Nokomis and then some. THREE miles total on her first day out! Of course we stopped for six thousand "I need to scratch my nose" and "my muscles hurt" breaks and some obligatory playtime at the park:

Makin' new friends!

Go, Miyo, Go.