Wednesday, April 8, 2009

A Harrowing Experience

This morning, late as usual, I pulled into the office parking lot. A woman was behind me coming into the building, but not close enough behind me for me to wait and hold the door. We have two sets of doors to enter at our building. So I tried to kind of hurry so that I wouldn't be in the uncomfortable position of having to stand and wait while she realized I was standing and waiting and then have to run to catch up to me, just so I could pat myself on the back for being polite.
**Yesterday I was the girl who had to run to catch up because some guy 20 yards ahead decided to hold the door. It's just uncomfortable anyway you slice it.**
So anyway, I kind of hurried up to get to the second door too, and didn't hold it either, but it was OK because she was way too far behind. But then she started to catch up, and so when I got to the elevators I was annoyed because I knew that now I would really have to wait for her. Both elevators were waiting on 1st floor. So I ran in one, hit the 4 button a hundred times rapidly and crossed my fingers that she wouldn't jump in the elevator at the last minute.
She didn't!
I made it alone!
No awkward conversations, no me explaining why I didn't hold any doors and no laughing nervously, while she, probably annoyed too, wouldn't respond or even crack a smile.

So anyways, I felt the elevator reach my floor, and you know an elevator will raise up, settle, ding and then dip? It never dinged! It never dipped! I was hanging in that suspended spot before the ding and the dip. I got stuck in the elevator. Surely somebody was punishing me for being so greedy and impolite. I immediately called the front desk at my office and told Barb that I was stuck in the elevator, and added for drama, "I'm scared". The elevator felt really weird, hanging in space, it felt bouncy and not stable at all. Suddenly I realized what a tiny room an elevator is and I started to get claustrophobic.

I was in the "safe" elevator. Our building has two, and in the past somebody had to use their umbrella to get themself out of that elevator. One time some kind of piston exploded and sent tons of oil into the lobby of our building, causing the tiles and carpet to be replaced. It was out of commission for about a month. So I have to say I wasn't really surprised to realize I was stuck, I was just surprised that it was in the good elevator.

I looked around and decided I was going to have to get comfortable. I took my coat off. I took inventory. Coffee. Check. Phone. Check. Mace. Check. Super Awesome Lunch. Check. (About 2 pounds of sauer kraut and polish sausage from Kramarcek's). So I knew I would be OK if this turned out to be an all day thing. But I still felt panic in my stomach. What if the elevator dropped 4 flights? Would that hurt? Would I break my ankles? Would I die? So I texted some people and tried to stay "haha" about it. People started to crowd around in the hallway, and they were talking to me through the door. Brad from my office tried to pry the doors open and I guess he got it open like and inch on the outside. I tried to pry them open from the inside, but of course didn't get that far.

I was irritated because I was 20 minutes past my usual half-hour late point. (Do the math, 50 minutes late.) I was hoping to slink past my boss' office. And now here I am, busted, and I can hear her outside the door, talking to me. Oh well. I yelled to her "CALL MY MOTHER! TELL HER I LOVE HER!" Later I screamed, "I'M LOSING HOPE!"

The whole experience lasted about 15 minutes. Then suddenly the doors opened! My entire office was standing in the hallway cheering. The funny thing was, I'm standing IN THE ELEVATOR talking to everybody, and they're like "GET OUT OF THE ELEVATOR!!!"

I still have some butterflies in my stomach. SCARY.


kasey said...

I was not one of the people texted. Or was I, and I didn't get it? Or was I not, because I never look at my texts. It's the whole chicken or the egg debackle.

Kim said...

How does that song go?....
"Only yooooouuuuuu"

Mom said...

I never got that phone call. And I am thinkin that it is a good thing you never had to dig into the know...stinky farts. You would have killed yourself...think of that scene when the elevator doors opened.

Hanna said...

Grandma, you are hilarious. The people outside the elevator would all stagger back as a green cloud of cartoon like farts came billowing out the door. Ha ha!

Hey Kady, we were laughing the entire service day over the crazy stuff that happens to you, like the elevator, and the poop in the toilet paper, and the weather girl on the plane, and the money toilet paper in europe, and the running along the train after the old man, though we threw Pete glueing his butt crack shut in too. Seriously the stuff that happens to you is the craziest funniest stuff ever.

beth said...

Some advice for my friend Kady: Next time you are trapped in an elevator (there will be a next time)and you are in fear of the elevator crashing into the ground just remember to JUMP! right before it hits and you will not get hurt or die. This advice might just save your life someday you can Thank me later.

I accidentally erased my first comment.

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