Some of the HILARIOUS things I do and say at work --
When someone compliments the food I serve: "Thanks, I made it myself." (this was funnier when I didn't actually have to cook the food.)
When a little kid orders a Pepsi: "Can I see your ID?"
When delivering drinks to a little kid: I deliver them their parents' beer and say, "here's your Busch Light, Sir/Ma'am." And then when they react I look confused, and then I say, "oh, I'm sorry, yes. You had the Whiskey 7." And then when they react I look confused again, and then I say, "oh, I'm sorry, yes. You had the Shirley Temple."
When someone accidentally sees me in the bathroom, elbow-deep in the crapper, gloved up, toilet scrubber in hand: "Oh I'm sorry, I'm in an important business meeting. I'll be right with you."
When someone accidentally sees me mopping the floor: (Here I break into dance. Think RUN RUN RUN RUN, alternating feet stomping, running in place. Then I break into song:) "She works HARD for the money! So hard for it honey!"
More to follow. I'm constantly working on my act.