Sunday Favorites: Whoever Said It's the Journey, Not the Destination Had it Only Partly Right

New to A Lady Reveals Nothing? You've missed SO MUCH. Not to worry. Every Sunday, I dig through the archives to re-post an old favorite. Mostly because I'm too lazy to come up with new content every single day. Enjoy! This story originally appeared on November 25, 2014:

If you want to get to the other side of the world, here is a little warning: It takes a long time. You will sleep for an hour at a stretch on the plane in a strange contortion of your body that is anything but comfortable. You will brush your teeth in the airport bathroom, and then wash out your armpits in the same sink. Your underwear will be very dirty and you will opt not to change them because the next pair are going to get just as dirty anyways. You will stand in one million lines behind one million idiots. The plane will shake and rumble and you will not grab Carol from Winona or Matthew from Melbourne or the husband of the lady from France's hand but you will want to, and you will give yourself permission to at the last minute when things get serious. You will put your passport back in your purse even though somebody will need to see it again in 30 seconds. You will ride a train all the way to gate D and then find out your plane leaves from gate B. You will make friends on that train with John and Tricia from Nashville, en route to Italy to stay for the 9th time with friends they made just by eating at their restaurant. You will make such good friends with them, in fact, that after the six minute train ride, you will hug them and he will kiss your cheek and they will wish you luck and tell you to be safe and you will say have fun! and you will wish you could see them again but you can't. You will ask the flight attendants to please let you go up and down the spiral staircase because you've never been on a double-decker airplane before and they will let you and then you remember that you totally have been on one, you think, with your sister Kim, but you can't be sure. Maybe you're just thinking of Snakes on a Plane. Some lady will cut the customs line in front of you and your eyebrows will raise because WHATS THE HURRY and then her husband will see your eyebrows raise and you will feel bad because WHATS THE BIG DEAL and then you will wave your hand GO AHEAD and then you will both laugh. You will put a sticker on the bandanna you brought to wipe sweat and catch sneezes but mainly to act as an eye mask on the plane and it will say "please wake me up for meal service". You will help Carol from Winona with her seatbelt, her headphones, her TV, the bathroom, and her Immigration card. You will choose the salmon bisque but only actually eat the mashed potatoes because you are a fake vegetarian but really you're just not hungry because WHAT TIME IS IT? You will watch Lucy, Edge of Tomorrow, and Boyhood and several episodes of 30 Rock and you will get mad when the captain interrupts any one of them to tell you something important in another language. You will decide that fine, you will watch Guardians of the Galaxy, but only because other people are watching it around you and WHATS THE DEAL WITH THE RACCOON but you will be too tired and you will fall asleep instead. You will read a half-chapter of your book at a time and then fall asleep and then put it down and not remember anything you read. Matthew from Melbourne will tell you about his severe nut allergy and how on the way to London he had to ride the plane connected to an oxygen tank for four hours and you'll feel bad that you made fun of his gluten free sandwich. "It's all they had for me", he'll say, and you'll selfishly take the two free seats between you but unselfishly put your head next to him and your butt far away because you're feeling gassy. You will ask strangers to watch your things while you go to the bathroom and you will hope for the best. You will be seen in this getup because you're going to Africa but the airplane is freezing, and you won't even be the slightest bit ashamed:

Your body will say, "wait a minute, where are we?!?" and refuse to poop after teasing you with feelings of having to poop. You will hold your head high because you are a seasoned traveler who carried on and it takes only seconds to get your shoes off and your liquids out and your suitcase up on the X-ray machine belt and this being in airports feels SO GOOD because you're GOING SOMEWHERE and you will laugh at yourself and your ego and dip your head a little because it was probably holding itself up too high. You will make jokes with every. single. person. you encounter but less than 6% of them will laugh or even get it but who cares, you're GOING SOMEWHERE! You will wish you had the courage to ask the men in Dubai who wear those beautiful white robe-dresses to the floor with beautiful checkered scarves on their heads for a picture but you don't because they're a culture, not a tourist attraction plus you're worried because you have ignorant prejudices about their opinions of women but later you wish you had gotten that photo anyways.

You will patiently wait until everybody gets their bags from the overhead compartments but HURRY UP ALREADY JEEZ and then finally you will get off the very last plane and you will want to kiss the ground but you don't because EW and then you will see this...:

...and you will cry a little because it's so good to be here and you're sleep-deprived and then you will arrogantly walk right by all of the people trying to get you to rent a car because you thought ahead and reserved one and the steering wheel will be on the right and the stick shift on the left and you will grind the gears in front of the man and you will hit the windshield wipers instead of the blinkers but who cares because YOU'RE HERE.

Sunday Favorites: My 15 Hours in Kenya

New to A Lady Reveals Nothing? You've missed SO MUCH. Not to worry. Every Sunday, I dig through the archives to re-post an old favorite. Mostly because I'm too lazy to come up with new content every single day. Enjoy! This story originally appeared on December 30, 2014:



On the way from Seychelles to Mozambique, I had an overnight layover in Nairobi, Kenya. I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to leave the airport because of visa requirements. Sarah's friend from Nairobi was traveling and so she couldn't host me, and so I sent out a couchsurfing request just in case. The woman who responded told me that I could just pay $25 for a "transit visa" and leave the airport no problem.

However, she couldn't host me either because although she lived close to the airport, traffic is so bad that it would have taken me two hours to get to her place and two hours to get back to the airport and there goes my good nights' sleep. 

SO -- I had no plan except plan B: Sleep in the airport. I have done this. It is no fun. 

On the little bus that takes you from the airplane to the airport I met Jackie, the nicest person in the whole world. She told me that I absolutely had to get to the game park and then physically walked me through customs, (VIP line - she's a diplomat), and then waited for me to go to the bathroom which included brushing my teeth and washing my face, brought me out of the airport, arranged for a taxi service to take me to the game park, then to a famous restaurant called "Carnivore" (think Fogo de Chao) and then back to a hotel near the airport and THEN in the morning from the hotel to the airport. I keep forgetting to email her a thank you note. This reminds me I GOTTA DO THAT.

Everything went pretty swell, except traffic IS really bad and so we got to the game park 10 minutes too late and they wouldn't let me in, no matter how hard I told them that I was from Minnesota and we don't have elephants there and I only had one night and all I got was a mean mean lady saying "it is impossible."

So my poor driver just took me to an animal orphanage instead, and that was really really fun because there were lots of cute kids there and we played and played.

And my driver taught me how to speak Swahili...the important parts anyways:

Jambo - hello

Mishkuru kutana nawewe - nice to meet you

Asante - thank you

Tuko salama - we are ok

Kwaheri - goodbye

Tafhadali - excuse me

Sina pesa - I don't have any money

I am in this picture -- can you find me?

Check this out. The older boy was running back and forth and the lions were copying him! I about died at how cute and awesome it was and then his little brother and I got involved and the driver took a video. Pretty cool.

 KENYA!!!

My 15 Hours in Kenya

On the way from Seychelles to Mozambique, I had an overnight layover in Nairobi, Kenya. I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to leave the airport because of visa requirements. Sarah's friend from Nairobi was traveling and so she couldn't host me, and so I sent out a couchsurfing request just in case. The woman who responded told me that I could just pay $25 for a "transit visa" and leave the airport no problem.

However, she couldn't host me either because although she lived close to the airport, traffic is so bad that it would have taken me two hours to get to her place and two hours to get back to the airport and there goes my good nights' sleep. 

SO -- I had no plan except plan B: Sleep in the airport. I have done this. It is no fun. 

On the little bus that takes you from the airplane to the airport I met Jackie, the nicest person in the whole world. She told me that I absolutely had to get to the game park and then physically walked me through customs, (VIP line - she's a diplomat), and then waited for me to go to the bathroom which included brushing my teeth and washing my face, brought me out of the airport, arranged for a taxi service to take me to the game park, then to a famous restaurant called "Carnivore" (think Fogo de Chao) and then back to a hotel near the airport and THEN in the morning from the hotel to the airport. I keep forgetting to email her a thank you note. This reminds me I GOTTA DO THAT.

Everything went pretty swell, except traffic IS really bad and so we got to the game park 10 minutes too late and they wouldn't let me in, no matter how hard I told them that I was from Minnesota and we don't have elephants there and I only had one night and all I got was a mean mean lady saying "it is impossible."

So my poor driver just took me to an animal orphanage instead, and that was really really fun because there were lots of cute kids there and we played and played.

And my driver taught me how to speak Swahili...the important parts anyways:

Jambo - hello

Mishkuru kutana nawewe - nice to meet you

Asante - thank you

Tuko salama - we are ok

Kwaheri - goodbye

Tafhadali - excuse me

Sina pesa - I don't have any money

I am in this picture -- can you find me?

Check this out. The older boy was running back and forth and the lions were copying him! I about died at how cute and awesome it was and then his little brother and I got involved and the driver took a video. Pretty cool.

 KENYA!!!

Whoever Said It's The Journey, Not the Destination Had it Only Partly Right

 

 

If you want to get to the other side of the world, here is a little warning: It takes a long time. You will sleep for an hour at a stretch on the plane in a strange contortion of your body that is anything but comfortable. You will brush your teeth in the airport bathroom, and then wash out your armpits in the same sink. Your underwear will be very dirty and you will opt not to change them because the next pair are going to get just as dirty anyways. You will stand in one million lines behind one million idiots. The plane will shake and rumble and you will not grab Carol from Winona or Matthew from Melbourne or the husband of the lady from France's hand but you will want to, and you will give yourself permission to at the last minute when things get serious. You will put your passport back in your purse even though somebody will need to see it again in 30 seconds. You will ride a train all the way to gate D and then find out your plane leaves from gate B. You will make friends on that train with John and Tricia from Nashville, en route to Italy to stay for the 9th time with friends they made just by eating at their restaurant. You will make such good friends with them, in fact, that after the six minute train ride, you will hug them and he will kiss your cheek and they will wish you luck and tell you to be safe and you will say have fun! and you will wish you could see them again but you can't. You will ask the flight attendants to please let you go up and down the spiral staircase because you've never been on a double-decker airplane before and they will let you and then you remember that you totally have been on one, you think, with your sister Kim, but you can't be sure. Maybe you're just thinking of Snakes on a Plane. Some lady will cut the customs line in front of you and your eyebrows will raise because WHATS THE HURRY and then her husband will see your eyebrows raise and you will feel bad because WHATS THE BIG DEAL and then you will wave your hand GO AHEAD and then you will both laugh. You will put a sticker on the bandanna you brought to wipe sweat and catch sneezes but mainly to act as an eye mask on the plane and it will say "please wake me up for meal service". You will help Carol from Winona with her seatbelt, her headphones, her TV, the bathroom, and her Immigration card. You will choose the salmon bisque but only actually eat the mashed potatoes because you are a fake vegetarian but really you're just not hungry because WHAT TIME IS IT? You will watch Lucy, Edge of Tomorrow, and Boyhood and several episodes of 30 Rock and you will get mad when the captain interrupts any one of them to tell you something important in another language. You will decide that fine, you will watch Guardians of the Galaxy, but only because other people are watching it around you and WHATS THE DEAL WITH THE RACCOON but you will be too tired and you will fall asleep instead. You will read a half-chapter of your book at a time and then fall asleep and then put it down and not remember anything you read. Matthew from Melbourne will tell you about his severe nut allergy and how on the way to London he had to ride the plane connected to an oxygen tank for four hours and you'll feel bad that you made fun of his gluten free sandwich. "It's all they had for me", he'll say, and you'll selfishly take the two free seats between you but unselfishly put your head next to him and your butt far away because you're feeling gassy. You will ask strangers to watch your things while you go to the bathroom and you will hope for the best. You will be seen in this getup because you're going to Africa but the airplane is freezing, and you won't even be the slightest bit ashamed:

 

Your body will say, "wait a minute, where are we?!?" and refuse to poop after teasing you with feelings of having to poop. You will hold your head high because you are a seasoned traveler who carried on and it takes only seconds to get your shoes off and your liquids out and your suitcase up on the X-ray machine belt and this being in airports feels SO GOOD because you're GOING SOMEWHERE and you will laugh at yourself and your ego and dip your head a little because it was probably holding itself up too high. You will make jokes with every. single. person. you encounter but less than 6% of them will laugh or even get it but who cares, you're GOING SOMEWHERE! You will wish you had the courage to ask the men in Dubai who wear those beautiful white robe-dresses to the floor with beautiful checkered scarves on their heads for a picture but you don't because they're a culture, not a tourist attraction plus you're worried because you have ignorant prejudices about their opinions of women but later you wish you had gotten that photo anyways.

You will patiently wait until everybody gets their bags from the overhead compartments but HURRY UP ALREADY JEEZ and then finally you will get off the very last plane and you will want to kiss the ground but you don't because EW and then you will see this...:

 

 

 

...and you will cry a little because it's so good to be here and you're sleep-deprived and then you will arrogantly walk right by all of the people trying to get you to rent a car because you thought ahead and reserved one and the steering wheel will be on the right and the stick shift on the left and you will grind the gears in front of the man and you will hit the windshield wipers instead of the blinkers but who cares because YOU'RE HERE.

 

 

 

 

Sunday Favorites: First Class = High Class, Baby.

New to A Lady Reveals Nothing? You've missed SO MUCH. Not to worry. Every Sunday, I dig through the archives to repost an old favorite. Mostly because I'm too lazy to come up with new content every single day. Enjoy! This story originally appeared on October 30, 2008:

I don't know how it happened but I made it into First Class again all the way home. Maybe it was because I totally flirted with the guy at the desk at the airport in Cape Town and he green lighted me in First Class all the way home, even from New York to Minneapolis! He said, do you know your priority? (Which I think means, what is the seniority of the person who you're flying under) and I actually winked at him and said "TOP priority." It was so worth it. And I met a nice old lady whose luggage was completely filled with only yarn, and then I accidentally walked in on an even older lady in the bathroom because she was too old to lock the door. I felt so bad because I said, "OH I'M SO SORRY WOW THAT WAS REALLY RUDE WOOPS I MEAN GOSH I'M SORRY I DIDN'T WANT TO..." and then I saw that it was a really old lady and then I felt so super bad becuase she reached out to shut the door but she was much much too old to get up so fast and I stood there watching all of this and then I went to another stall.

I killed some time at the airport and got 20 BUCKS BACK at the VAT counter! But the 20 bucks was in rand and so I had to spend the money at the airport kind of like vintage Wheel of Fortune. YOU WIN! But you win the fun of buying crappy stuff for your house! How about a porcelain dog statue? YAY! But I bought a monkey for Murphy that was really really cute and it made me happy.

The flight was fun. The flight attendant guy that I hit it off with was so super nice that he kept bringing me alcohol. I got very, very tipsy on the plane. I was SOBBING and then LAUGHING and then SOBBING and then LAUGHING while watching Kit Kittredge: An American Girl. And then I took this photo because I was so nostalgic about flying and being above the clouds and it was SO beautiful (and I was buzzing):

And then I took this photo because first class is SO awesome!:

Can you see all the space at the end of my feet? Can you see how wide the chair is? Can you see my special down-like blanket? Can you see I remembered to bring my slippers with me on my trip? Can you see my tonic water, my individual salt and pepper shakers, my bun with butter? And that was before dinner people! Can you see Kitt's neighbor, so happy before her home was taken away by the evil, evil bank?

I didn't bother getting out of the airplane in Senegal on the way home. I already been there. But man do they wake you up. DING DING DING DING. Attention everyone. Ten dudes from Senegal will now get on the plane and remove the cushions from your seat and run their hands inside the compartments of your suitcase and say "ma'am is this your bag?" and then spray some sort of deodorizer up and down the aisles of the plane and then you might get a chance to sleep after that but probably not.

p.s. Kitt Kittredge is really really good.

Posted with Blogsy

Things to Do Before Leaving NOLA # 10: Have Four Days' Worth of Horrible Car Troubles

This story is probably as long as the horrible day that the system beat us in Thailand.  In an effort to consolidate, I'm going to bullet point the story:

Friday, September 30:

• last day of work
• return one rental car to the airport
• park other rental car on Tuesday-street-sweeping street.  (No matter, we'll return it Monday.)

Saturday, October 1 - Monday, October 3:

• do lots of moving errands
• do lots of fun stuff, as outlined in the previous 9 posts in this series
• run out of time to return rental car

Tuesday, October 4:

• sleep until noon
• lollygag about the apartment for a few hours
• get a tan in my living room

• inform Summer that I don't feel like leaving the apartment so she leaves to go to her appointment alone
• get phone call from Summer
• "where is the car?"
• realize rental car has been towed
• make 357 phone calls trying to see if tow lot will release car to us, since we are not owners. nope.
• make 432 more phone calls trying to see if rental company will call on our behalf
• resolve, finally
• walk to tow lot two miles away through bad, bad neighborhood
• talk loud and fast to Summer through bad, bad neighborhood so nobody gets any ideas about robbing us
• finally pick up rental car, $193 later 
• drive it to the office to pick up Summer's car which has been stored at the office and not driven in 7 weeks
• follow each other to drop rental car off at the airport
• ride together back to apartment
• break down two miles from apartment on off ramp
• Summer steers and I push car 
• a few good Samaritans help as she pops the clutch and starts the car and it runs for two blocks
• repeat for two miles
• finally give up and call triple A
• wait for triple A driver
• drive car no problem with help of triple A driver's power pack attached to battery
• it's the alternator, he says
• leave car overnight with voicemail to mechanic, who advertised Foreign car repair
• stay out until 4am dancing with Lionel Batiste

Wednesday, October 5th:

• wake up late and find out Foreign car repair place does not work on cars over 10 years old
• discover Enterprise rental car company would have come and got all of our rentals, we wouldn't have needed to drive to airport
• pick up another rental car
• push/pop clutch on Summer's car for three blocks
• jump car with new rental car

• drive car two blocks again
• give up
• leave Summer with her car, drive rental car to ATM to withdraw $70 cash, in order to leave deposit for alternator shop's power pack so we can drive Summer's car there for repair
• return to Summer and her car, drive 3mph the two miles to alternator shop, who has graciously stayed open just for us
• leave car with adorable cajun couple
• REALIZE THAT ALTERNATOR SHOP IS 45 YARDS FROM ORIGINAL OFF-RAMP BREAK DOWN LOCATION:

Photo taken from alternator shop.  We broke down at that traffic light the night before.

Thursday, October 6 - Friday, October 7:

• cross fingers, hoping car will be ready for our cross country journey on Saturday  (it was)

Saturday, October 8:

• drive to South Carolina, only to be informed part-way through the journey that the destination had been changed to Birmingham, MI.  

The Adventure Continues...

I Made it to La Paz and then she Stole my Camera

So, I'm in Puno, Peru, pooping my guts out for days and days.  The little hotel lady was so cute, "are you going to Copacabana tomorrow?" and everyday I would tell her, "I can't.  I'm sick."  This went on for four days.  And then one day I felt better (I even shaved my legs) and the pooping was much less frequent...so I decided to go for it.  After all, it was only a 2 hour bus ride to Copacabana. 

BEFORE THE PROTESTERS DECIDED TO CLOSE DOWN THE ROAD AND THE BORDER CROSSING.

So, as she explained, my only option to get into Bolivia was to take the slow slow boat across Lake Titicaca and walk across the border.  "How long is this boat?"  "9 hours", she tells me, "but don't worry, it has a bathroom."  Oh, I'm sure this boat does have a bathroom.  It always goes really well for me when the boat has a bathroom. 

Fortunately, the boat ride went off pretty much without a hitch.  I would post some photos of the lovely, lovely Lake Titicaca, but...well the camera is gone.  It was early Sunday morning, I figured I would spend one night in Copacabana, go to Isla del Sol, and then go over to La Paz for my flight on Tuesday night.  Anyways, I didn't really pay attention to anybody on the boat, because I was trying not to poop on them, but they were to become my best friends in the next few days.  Because the boat totally dropped us off in the middle of nowhere.  We had to pay some random lady 1 sol (30 cents) to use her dock and then we had to walk uphill for a mile to the border.  When we got there, a Bolivian man in a Stephen Segal ponytail told us that the Peruvian border was closed, and they wouldn't be able to give us a stamp 'out' of Peru, and so the open Bolivan border people couldn't give us a stamp 'in' to Bolivia.  And so we better just go to La Paz and settle everything with the Embassy there.  So that's what we did.  And of course he conveniently sold us all bus tickets and then we realized we had been Segammed.  (scammed by Segal.  You didn't need explanation for that one, did you?)  Oh well, no more Isla del Sol.  At least I could maybe bike down the death road if I had time...

Back on the bus!  For three hours.  Oh, yah and the bus dumped us off and we had to ride little Hal Hexum fishing boats across this water thing and wait for the bus again.  They never really explain anything.  This is when our little group started bonding.  There was Iyno from Finland, Alexandra from Germany, me from the USA, Melvin from Singapore, Sarah and Adam from England, Danny from Denmark, Sahaf from Israel, a girl from Peru and a girl from Italy and a dude from Peru.  When we finally arrived in La Paz we all went to the same hotel and I ended up sharing a room with Iyno and Alexandra.  In the morning, we all trudged over to the Embassy where they told us that they could stamp us 'in', but we had to do ten ridiculous steps first, including make copies across the street and blah blah blah.  Oh, but you from the USA (me) and you from Singapore (Melvin), you need Visas.  So first, you need to buy Visas.  Then you two can go through the 10 ridiculous steps.  But first, Visas.

OK - when I was in Buenos Aires I spent half a morning at the Bolivian Embassy where they told me I did NOT need a Visa, that they could give me 15 days Transit Visa for free.  And then in Puno, a man said I did in fact need a Visa, but he didn't have any stickers.  He said, go to the border they have tons of stickers there.  But the border was closed.  So here I was, having to pay $135 to be in Bolivia for 2 days. 

GOOD LORD THIS STORY IS LONG.

Anyways, I'll try and skip to the end.  Melvin and I did all they asked us to do, and came back at 5:30pm, but of course only his was ready.  I had to come back at 11am.  And so I did.  And that's the story of how I got my passport back 3 hours before I had to be at the airport to go home.

I celebrated by buying Hanna a present, and me two presents.  This spent all of my Bolivian money right down to the exact amount I needed to take the rickety colectivo vans they have to the airport.  Then I went and got all my bags and loaded up, had a friend take the one and only picture of me with my backpacks all loaded up and ready for the airport, (*sniff* stolen) and I started walking the two blocks to the airport van pickup area. 

After I hailed the van, and before I got in it, somebody forcefully bumped into my backpack and ran me into the man next to me.  But it was crowded.  I didn't notice until halfway to the airport that my little camera was no longer in my back pocket.  I am pretty sure I apologized to the thief for bumping into him, as he stole my camera.

Blah blah blah

Anyways, after the last week I have had...lost wallet, poopy McPooperson, too much time spent in an Embassy and not enough time having fun in La Paz, stolen camera...I was sort of bummed, but then I got an email from my mom regarding my homecoming weekend at the cabin:

Here's the plan.....

Thursday: Kelly and I are doing pizza night.
 Friday: Keri --- breakfast. Kelly --- supper.
 Saturday: Karley --- breakfast. Kim --- supper.
 Sunday: Pete and Tanya --- breakfast. Dianne --- supper.
 Monday is leftover day all day.

In between and all day we can snack on anything we want.

Please bring: snack foods, beverages including alcohol and wine, food for your assigned meal.

Sleeping accommodations: Keri, Kelly, Kady: Loft.
Hanna, Karley, Bethany: Bunkhouse.
Kim, John, Skete: Tent
Pete and Tanya: Camper
Miles, Murphy and Miyo: In, around and in between. :D

There will be 4 boats for fishing...we have plenty of rods and tackle and life vests for everyone.

Are you kidding me?  Pizza night?  Leftover night?  Did you notice I wasn't assigned for any meals?  So I don't have to DO anything?  4 boats for fishing??  I'm so freaking excited to see my family this weekend and eat and fish and I guess sleep with Keri and Kelly in my loft bedroom!

Hope you like the floor, suckers!

The 60-hour Trip

From Brandi and Grady's house to Managua:  (5.5 hours)

Brandi and Grady drive us to end of their 45-minute bumpy gravel road at about 7:30 in the morning on Thursday, where we met our taxi drivers.
Taxi drivers bring us from Leon to Managua where I had my last Nicaraguan meal at Tip Top, which is Nicaraguan fine cuisine just like KFC.  You really can't leave Nicaragua without eating Tip Top!  Unless you're Josette, who had orange juice and did not get diarhhea.  I think.

From Managua to San Jose, Costa Rica:  (9 hours 45 minutes)

Central American buses give you a seat number, kind of like they have on flights.  And this is awesome, when they overfill the bus.  It means you have a seat.  But jeez, people, when the bus is empty, you really can sit where you want.  I have had women go and 'tell on me' with the bus driver because I was in their seat, had the stinky fat man next to me NOT move across to the row next to us when it emptied (even though I begged and begged him inside my mind), etc.  Well on this bus I was seated next to a woman but all the rows behind us were taken, so I moved one row back to have two seats to myself.  I fell asleep.  Enter a stupid schoolkid, who WAKES ME UP from sleeping to show me I'm in his seat.  Irritated, I grab my crap, noisily move a row back giving him a look, like "ooh you're a big man. Why don't you just take any of these thousands of empty seats?!"  No worries, I'm snoring again in seconds.
Then a poor poor poor grandma gets on the bus, with her daughter and granddaughter and it takes a half hour because she BROKE HER LEG and was trying to get to a hospital in Costa Rica.  I mistakenly thought she was just extremely obese because of a jerky American sitting in front of me saying, "whoa she is really big. What were they thinking letting her on this bus?"  She wasn't really that fat actually, she just couldn't move because her LEG WAS BROKEN.  I had a panic attack on her behalf because somewhere during the 9 hour bus ride when she couldn't even get off the bus to go through the border with the rest of us, she tried to go to the bathroom but then gave up after making it only like three rows back.  Stupid American man tries to tell her daughter that the bathroom is too small for her.  So she had to go back to her seat where I imagined her peeing or pooping right there on the seat.  Later towels would be changed and I was sure it was for peeing or pooping but it wasn't, they were just propping up her leg.  I will never know how she made that whole trip without going to the bathroom, Pobrecita.

Costa Rica to Mexico City: (13 hours)

Arrive at airport at 9:45pm.  Ready to just sleep in airport.  Figure I have tons of internet time, since my flight doesn't leave until 7am.  WRONG.  No available wi-fi.  Good LORD.  I don't even know what airline I'm flying.  I just know I'm going to end up in Miami at some point.  Brush teeth, pinch every zit on my face, put on sweatshirt and fleece, take out towel and use it for blanket (always bring a towel when traveling).  First time sleeping in an airport, that I can remember.  Well, it sucks.  I can't sleep, there were no chairs so I'm on a full-on tile floor, worrying too much about getting ripped off.  Finally the morning comes, I figure out I must be flying to Mexico City to get to Miami eventually, change into jeans, get in the correct line, pay my $25 exit fee (ugh) and depart Costa Rica. 

Mexico City to Miami: (5 hours)

There was a Starbucks in the airport at Mexico City! STARBUCKS!  I was so excited I dropped $4.50 on a mocha!  And took a photo!

I don't know if I've ever been this happy to see a Starbucks before!

People ran past me and made such a ruckus that I followed.  Somebody told me it was Itati Cantoral, a famous Mexican actress.  Usually it's me the paprazzi is after, so I was glad to get a reprieve for once.

 

Pathetic far-away shot of famous celebrity being chased by paparazzi.

Miami to Santiago, Chile: (15 hours)

Arrive in the United States!  Kiss soil, as I have not seen the US for five months.  Pinch every zit on my face, brush teeth, wash armpits, read magazines! When you're out of the country, English smut magazines are a luxury only the very lucky can find and the very rich can afford.  Oh, the magazines!
Brad and Angelina are so happy! Jen Aniston has fungus fingernails.  Suri is given explicit toys to play with!  She's RIPPED from her bed at 1am for crazy dinners that Katie prepares.
Then an old lady fell down on the moving escalator.  But I was on the one running next to it.  I jumped! over to the one she was on and ran and ran to help her but by that time her stupid husband finally figured it out and slowly helped her up. 
Flight delayed 4 hours due to weird fire on tarmack and we have to stop in Cancun Mexico to get GAS.  haha.  I pop a Xanex for just such an emergency as flying and wake up in Santiago.  Amaze-balls!  10 hours went by!  I must have been tired after all that Celebrity News!

Santiago Chile to Sao Paulo Brazil: (8.5 hours)

Boring.  But check out the Andes!  Super gorgeous to fly over.  And I got my own row of three seats! Sleepy time!!!

I finally finished Anna Karenina too!  Spoiler Alert: she dies.

Sao Paolo Brazil to Florianopolis Brazil: (2 hours)

I figure out my connection was screwed up because of the delay out of Miami, and they slowly take their time at the connection place to get me on the flight and I waited there for 40 minutes while a girl tried to ask each person what to do.  I am patient, infinitely patient, but I have somebody picking me up in Floripa, so I want to make this flight!  It's leaving in 20 minutes, people!  Finally they print me a boarding pass and tell me to run.  Which irritates me.  So I sort of jog.  I make it with plenty of time, and get picked up in Floripa by my fabulous friends Tadashi, Fabiano, Luciana and Maria.  60 or so hours.  To get from stupid Nicaragua to stupid Brazil.  But the flight was cheap man. 

And now I'm here!  In Brazil!!!!


By the numbers:
6 flights (including stop in Cancun)
2 Xanex
1 bus
6 passport stamps
2 old lady emergencies
3 times getting a row all to myself
1 book
1 underwear change
0 showers
3 days
1 overpriced coffee

Wrappin' it all up with a nice bow

Yesterday, the last day of a four-month trip, I managed to lose my wallet, camera and laptop.

The wallet I left at the check in counter, and was returned to me by a nice man.
The camera I left in my seat on the plane, and was returned to me by a nice lady.
The laptop I just plain lost.  I called and emailed and checked with Lost and Found about seven times.  Then I found it in the back seat of Laurissa's car.  And then I remembered putting it there.


A brief synopsis of my last few days of travel:
Saturday night I accidentally kicked a bathroom stall door with my pinky toe and lost the nail and a heck of a lot of blood.
Summer left for Bangkok on Sunday afternoon. 
I went back to our hostel and went to bed at 9pm but didn't fall asleep until 1am.  There was a loud snoring man not three feet from my face.  It was so loud and he was so close that I actually reached out my arm and touched his head to get him to stop.  Several times.  Sometimes I didn't touch his head, but instead just banged my ring against the metal bed frame near his head.  That was not as effective as the head-touching.  Another man was talking in his sleep.  Two girls came in at midnight and turned the light on and got ready for bed.  A German guy who had the bunk above me saw that I was awake and had a long conversation with me even though everybody else was trying to sleep.  A group of people talked loudly and played guitar outside the window near my bed.  All this time, I should have been irritated, but I couldn't help but smile, as I knew it was to be my last night in a hostel for a very long time.
The next day, I planned to go to the Contemporary Art Museum.  First I packed and showered and Skyped my mom and Cory for some last minute 'on my way home!' conversations.  My dad told me to stay away from 'that Vandersloot'.  I traveled for an hour by subway only to find out that, like every city in the world, Seoul also closes it's museums on Mondays.  Dejected, I returned to a shopping area I remembered, spent too much time and no money and got back to my hostel with barely enough time to make my flight.  I RAN with my 40 pound backpack on my back to the airport shuttle and made it to the airport just in time.  My plane sat for a long time before departing, which narrowed my connection in Chicago to 45 minutes.  So I asked the flight attendant before we made our descent if I could move to the front of the plane to get ahead of everybody in customs.  That's when I left the camera and it was subsequently returned to me.  I was the 15th person off the plane, but with running I made it through the passport control area first.  Then the bags didn't come out for ten minutes and it became 6:50.  No matter what I wasn't going to make my 7:15 flight.  But lots of people missed their connections and I got ahead of them in line.  ha.  They put me on a 9:45 flight, and I checked my bag, but I begged the check in man to let me on the 8:20 flight and that's where I left my wallet. 
I got on the earlier flight, without my bag, and borrowed two cell phones to ask my mom to log into my facebook account and put an SOS out there to let my ride know that I wouldn't be on the original flight.  Once in Minneapolis, I found Laurissa, we went and had drinks to kill time and then returned to the airport to grab my bag and that's when I lost my laptop, or so I thought.  It wasn't until the next morning that I found it in her backseat so I had a fun night trying to remember what I have on the hard drive besides EVERY PICTURE I TOOK FOR THE LAST FOUR MONTHS.  So glad I found it.

Today I caught up some on my favorite shows, up to and including the Lost season finale, for which I have not yet formulated my opinion.  Well at least I can finally read Sarah's blog post about it, and go back and read everybody's facebook status updates that I had previously avoided like the plague.

Oh Stockholm, I wish you were MY holm.

We arrived this morning via flight to Stockholm, and our only task for the day was to find and book the Viking line ferry from Stockholm to Helsinki and a return trip. We figured this might take a few hours because who knows where the Viking line even is, right? So as soon as we got off the plane and got our bags, we asked at the ticket counter and the man said to go upstairs. Well, we did. And there it was. The Viking Line Office. So we booked a C Class cabin on the way there tonight (includes our own bathroom) and a B Class cabin on the way back (C class was sold out) for Saturday night. I'm probably going to get claustrophobic again in the tiny cabin that is below the water level and so does not have a window. We got the cruise for about $200 per person and that's round trip, includes breakfast and two nights sleep. 

This gives us 2.5 days in Helsinki and Tallin and one day in Stockholm after today. We went to the Midievel museum today and it was kind of boring because its being moved and the new one doesnt open until 2010. So that was a bust, but I did get to learn a little bit about how the people constructed the town when it was first built and that was interesting. They used to kill about 7 people a year in Stockholm for murder, theft of items more than 1 mark, and defamation of character. I was surprised it was only 7 people per year. 

So then I bought another cap!!! Exactly the same as my two lost caps, but plaid. We'll see how long this one lasts. :) Also I bought a USB port, so if I find an internet cafe that has a USB port that I can use, I'll upload more photos. That's why I haven't blogged about the hike up to Preikestolen yet, because I want to include the photos.

I received confirmation that as of today the memory stick is on its way to Oslo, and then Inge Bjart has promised to forward it to me in Minneapolis. YAY!!!

We shopped and shopped in Old Town, and I got something for Miles. Officially if your name is on this list, you're getting a prezzie:

Miyo

Miles

Dad

Mom

Me

That's it so far and I feel bad.

Ross feels even worser, because NOBODY is getting anything from him. NOBODY. (Just kidding, he bought lots of stuff and you're all getting AWESOME STUFF!!) Just kidding. He's trying, but stay tuned. Things are becoming more and more affordable so you just might get lucky!! This is me typing this, and Ross just said that is not what he would have said, but it's fine. I think he might hate me.

Oh p.s. Sweden is cheaper!! We filled our tummies today. With tacos that were delicious and had cucumbers in them. I got a burrito, chips and an apple juice for $8. I'm happy to report that the beer comes cheaper here too. Where in Norway, the cheapest beer ANYWHERE was $10, I found one here in Old Town for $5, but didn't buy it because it's only like 1pm. When we got to the airport we almost high-fived, but Ross wouldn't do it, he left me hanging...it was because I saw some stuff for $2, like nuts and stuff, and there is NOTHING in Norway that costs $2. And Ross is too cool for high-fiving apparently. But he did give me a knowing look.

We bought a bunch of groceries just now and have bananas, granola, crackers and cheese plus an hour of internet for just over $20. That's what just internet costs in Norway.

OK so, off to the Viking ship (I hope we dont have to row...AHAAAAHAAAA!!!HAA!HA!!!) and an overnight cruise to Helsinki. They call it the party boat, I'll letcha know if that is the case. We hope to meet Veera and Minea in Helsinki and hang out with them for the day...

I will post more later. Bye!!

Reykjavik Iceland

So we are here and we are killing time because our flight arrived at 6:20am and we can´t check into our hostel until 2pm. We dropped our big backpacks off there though and walked to a bus stop and took the bus into town. We walked around for an HOUR trying to find a place to have breakfast. Couldn´t find anything. Finally I had to get out our little tourist map and follow it up to the city center and we ended up finding a place where you could get a sandwich. Every food place we found before that doesn´t open until 11am on Saturdays. Now, is that because everybody stays up late on Friday night and drinks and then sleeps in on Saturdays? Doesn´t anybody want breakfast in the morning? That was weird.

The plane ride over here was about 6 hours. I slept for most of it, but Ross didn´t sleep at all. I offered him my drug cocktail of Adavan + Melatonin but he wouldn´t take it. So I have jetlag but he really has jet lag. Poor thing. For us it is basically 6:30 in the morning right now, but here it is 11:30. We just want to go to SLEEP. After that, we´re going to try and go to the hot springs. Ross just accidentally withdrew way too much money from his account because their $20,000 option (about $200USD) is listed like $20. on the screen, so he thought it meant $20 dollars, but instead it meant their $20,000. They put commas where periods should go and periods where commas should go. Confusing. Also this key board has all kinds of letters that don´t belong on a keyboard and I am trying to avoid them.

I can´t upload photos here, sorry...there are no USB ports to this terminal. So you´ll just have to imagine the awesome photo we got of ourselves at the Minneapolis airport in the Viking thing with the heads cut out and our heads in it.

I was so worried on the plane that the people next to me were going to have to get around me to go to the bathroom that I couldn´t really sleep, and they never did need to go to the bathroom anyways. I said I slept the whole way and I did, but like interrupted weird plane sleeping. So like I said, I´m tired. This post might not make much sense.

We saw a cute little old man on his bike, who had a mean growl on his face, and so I smiled really big to cheer him up and instead, he just stared at me the entire way by, me smiling, him growling.

Another little old lady wouldn´t smile either. What´s up with that?

The Flight to New York

So I don't know how it happened but I made it into First Class again all the way home. Maybe it was because I totally flirted with the guy at the desk at the airport in Cape Town and he green lighted me in First Class all the way home, even from New York to Minneapolis! He said, do you know your priority? (Which I think means, what is the seniority of the person who you're flying under) and I actually winked at him and said "TOP priority." It was so worth it. And I met a nice old lady whose luggage was completely filled with only yarn, and then I accidentally walked in on an even older lady in the bathroom because she was too old to lock the door. I felt so bad because I said, "OH I'M SO SORRY WOW THAT WAS REALLY RUDE WOOPS I MEAN GOSH I'M SORRY I DIDN'T WANT TO..." and then I saw that it was a really old lady and then I felt so super bad becuase she reached out to shut the door but she was much much too old to get up so fast and I stood there watching all of this and then I went to another stall.

So I killed some time at the airport and got 20 BUCKS BACK at the VAT counter! But the 20 bucks was in rand and so I had to spend the money at the airport kind of like vintage Wheel of Fortune. YOU WIN! But you win the fun of buying crappy stuff for your house! How about a porcelain dog statue? YAY! But I bought a monkey for Murphy that was really really cute and it made me happy.

So the flight was fun. The flight attendant guy that I hit it off with was so super nice that he kept bringing me alcohol. I got very very tipsy on the plane. I was SOBBING and then LAUGHING and then SOBBING and then LAUGHING while watching Kit Kittredge: An American Girl. And then I took this photo because I was so nostalgic about flying and being above the clouds and it was SO beautiful (and I was buzzing):



And then I took this photo because first class is SO awesome!:


Can you see all the space at the end of my feet? Can you see how wide the chair is? Can you see my special down-like blanket? Can you see I remembered to bring my slippers with me on my trip? Can you see my tonic water, my individual salt and pepper shakers, my bun with butter? And that was before dinner people! Can you see Kitt's neighbor, so happy before her home was taken away by the evil evil bank?

I didn't bother getting out of the airplane in Senegal on the way home. I already been there. But man do they wake you up. DING DING DING DING. Attention everyone. Ten dudes from Senegal will now get on the plane and remove the cushions from your seat and run their hands inside the compartments of your suitcase and say "ma'am is this your bag?" and then spray some sort of deodorizer up and down the aisles of the plane and then you might get a chance to sleep after that but probably not.

p.s. Kitt Kittredge is really really good.

The trip to Kruger

Cape Town is near the southernmost tip of Africa. Kruger is far to the east, near the border of Mozambique. Originally I was to fly from Cape Town to Jo'burg, and then fly from Jo'burg into Kruger, or closer to it. Well there were no flights into Kruger, and so I had to be picked up by a bus.

But first I have to tell you that I got onto a plane through it's butt. There was a stairway leading into the direct rear of the plane. That was a first.

Anyway, I had to be up very early, because the flight to Jo'burg left at 5:45 AM. The nice lady from Tobi (the little backpacker place where I use the internet) and her husband picked me up and dropped me at the airport. They got to the house at 5:15. But, I didn't have an alarm clock, and so I had to use my cell phone. But my cell phone is confused here and gets no service. When I had to turn it on to try to use the alarm, I realized that my phone thinks it's January 1, 2000, at 12:10pm. But really it was 11:30pm. So I had to calculate the times if I wanted the alarm to ring at 4:30am. So I set the alarm for 5:10pm. Aren't I so smart? I felt pretty smart anyway.

Well my body woke me up at 3am of course. And I stayed pretty much in and out of sleep between then and 5:15 when I had to be picked up. By the way, I saw Orion high in the sky at that time. I always like it when I see Orion because it means that fall is here and it's almost winter. You have to stay up pretty late at night at this time of year to see Orion, and because I live in the city it's hard to see the stars. But here, OH! the stars! They have completely different constellations in parts of the sky. Also I saw JUPITER! Who could imagine it? Anyway...I digress.

So I get to the airport, fly to Jo'burg, and go right past baggage claim because I am awesome and only carried on.

Well I was being picked up....

I will continue this story later. Going to dinner.