Sunday, April 22, 2012

Sunday Favorites: The Minister

New to A Lady Reveals Nothing?  You've missed SO MUCH.  Not to worry.  Every Sunday, I dig through the archives to repost an old favorite.  Mostly because I'm too lazy to come up with new content every single day.  Enjoy!  This story first appeared when I lived in New Orleans back on August 25, 2011: 

In a nutshell, my job is to provide technician services for New Orleans energy customers who have opted into a grant-sponsored pilot program which provides a device that monitors energy usage (kWh).  That usage is displayed on the device and translated into a dollar amount that can be tracked realtime and projected for the end of the month bill.  The goal is to educate homeowners to reduce their bills and hopefully save the environment in the process.  I have been hired to enter the homes of people whose devices aren't working properly and fix them.

I love the program.  I have actually heard people say, "So you mean, if I turn off the TVs in the bedrooms when I'm not watching them I can save money?"  Hey, you don't know what you don't know.  I'm happy to be a part of it and I can't wait until the devices are implemented nationwide and I can have one in MY house. 

My absolute favorite part of this job is overhearing the conversations between the energy company rep and the homeowner while I'm doing my job on the device.

Today's overheard conversation was with a minister who admitted to siring 25 children and, no, he wasn't making it up.  I know this because I asked him to name them and he did.  Here are some of my favorite quotes (and please use your best 'Southern Baptist Minister' accent when reading):

"I got a bill for four hundred dawlahs.  I almost had a baby with a bonnet on." 

"I got 25 kids.  Be fruitful and become many.  But man, sometimes it's an uphill struggle with a downhill pool."

"I don't want nothing that ain't gonna put nothing on the table.  I don't even want a goldfish."

"My son come here.  Take a bath.  Look in my cupboards.  Don't you have no bath at your place?  You got a brand new baby.  I know you got a bathtub."

"A dog is a pimp.  What yo' dog do for you?  Keep you in debt.  He pimpin' you.  You feed him, then he pass it.  Then you gotta clean that up.  Vet bills?  Yah, he pimpin' you."

"My youngest girl, I call her 'my little hemorrhoid'.  Cuz she gotta talk to me every morning and every night.  She tell me, 'don't you say goodbye to me.'"


We were at this minister's house for three hours.  He smoked several cigarettes during that time so when he left the house, it didn't seem strange.  But when he got in his car and drove away, I couldn't believe it.  "What the?"  The mystery was solved ten minutes later when he returned with a round of Cokes for us.

Later, when I overheard him tell the energy reps that he was going to start taking cold showers to save on energy, I couldn't help myself.  I said, "You shoulda thoughta that 25 kids ago."


Chris said...

You said that out loud??!

A Lady Reveals Nothing said...

I most certainly did

Meghan Sara said...

OMG. The perfect comeback. *slow clap of approval*

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