"I didnt notice my caretaker was carrying a gun. Because I was too busy petting his pit bull."
"You just got to wonder about some people when they go jeans shopping."
"He's always really quiet, and I'm like, 'shouldn't we at least be smiling at each other? We both have these tiny dogs.'"
"I don't do 'nature struggle' stories."
"That was back when children were men."