Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Hanna's Dreams

I cracked up so hard at this dream of Hanna's. I guess she has some pretty detailed dreams and so she started writing them down. Here are just one months' worth, and now I'm totally convinced this girl is Cray-Cray:

July 3, 2012 - I dreamt that Cher took a whole bunch of little boys (ages 10-13) to a construction project in a limo. She had to ride in the back of a cop car for allowing the boys to get so rowdy. At the project the boys stacked a bunch of scrap wood into a pile.

July 4, 2012 - I dreamt that it was a post-apocalyptic world where everyone was poor and everything was old and destroyed. People were assigned their jobs. I was a plumber but there were no usable pipes anywhere so I quit because we had nothing to do. I started off with a small group of kids (including Skete and Mouth from The Goonies) and we lived in a car but then we joined with some older girls and their little brother living in an old bus. We moved to an old house which was much cozier.We found fudge dipped marshmallows in the cupboard. Some people ate two so we forgot to save some for Skete and Manoah who were out scouting. I felt really bad about it.

July 6, 2012 - I dreamt that robbers used the inside pokey part of an old doorknob to stab my Grandpa Hal in the face and neck. My Grandma was complaining about it to us and my dad told her he worked on a place one time where the neighbors were like that. Any time someone made them mad they would stab and stab them and stuff salt in their eyes for revenge. He complained that there was always bloody bodies with salt filled eyes left all over the place. 

July 8, 2012 - I dreamt that a bunch of little boys were walking down a hallway dressed up like little pimps. They were wearing colorful suits and little top has and walking with fancy canes. They were strutting along strongly. Then a little dwarf boy ran after them because his little legs couldn't keep up. He was so short he had to hold his cane in the middle and hold it above his head because he was running. Then the girl I was walking with in the dream asked, "Why are all those little boys walking with canes?" "I guess they just have swagger," I replied. We continued down the hall and walked outside to find a group of old people laying on the ground wailing. An old man was struggling to crawl to his wife's side. We rushed to her and asked, "What happened?!" "A gang of little boys stole all our canes!" the old man cried. "Why? Why would they do such a thing?!", his wife wailed.

July 9, 2012 - I dreamt that a bunch of people were zombies like on that episode of Community where they spread their zombies through bites. All the zombies were in my living room. I liked them but I chose to live in the maple tree out front because I didn't want to be a zombie. All the zombies were only afraid of one thing, which was a mysterious zombie who lived in the woods. When the mysterious zombie showed up everybody freaked out. He was a weirdo in a bomber hat with ear flaps. Then Gus from the cartoon "Recess" showed up and saved everyone by asking scary zombie not to kill everyone because the guy was his uncle.

July 10, 2012 - I dreamt that I had crazy huge boobs. At first in the dream I was like "Great! I've got huge boobs!" But then I was like, "Wait, these things are TOO big!" Then I was unhappy.

July 11, 2012 - I dreamt that I was working at Subway and my mom came and picked me up. After we got home I realized I was supposed to close but left Subway empty. Then my boss Lisa stopped by Subway with a bunch of her friends and after looking around realized the whole building was empty. I was at home freaking out that I would be fired and my mom was like, "eh, whatever."

July 12, 2012 - I dreamt that I was wearing a diaper and then I pooped in it. It was a ton of poop, like gobs and gobs and it was all over the place. Then I was trying to change myself and I threw the diaper in the garbage but the bag came off the can and fell down inside and poop got all over the can. Then I was trying to wipe myself and it got all over my hands. Finally I was so full of poop I just gave up and decided I needed a shower. Instead of using the shower in the bathroom I was in I went to a public sauna at a beach. There were a million people there and I was embarrassed to undress because I was so smeared with poop.

July 13, 2012 - I dreamt I was in a children's prison that was like a Nazi concentration camp. All the little girls had their heads shaved and were wearing brown. Everyone only got a couple crackers and a tiny bit of Coca Cola a day. The prison wasn't meant to kill all the children. It was just severely mismanaged. There was lots of dead babies. We had to go to an in-prison school. The teacher was a very fat lady. I complained everyone was starving to death. She rolled her eyes and huffed that we were getting all the food we required so quit complaining. Then I showed her how much we got to eat each day and said, "If it's plenty why don't you try only eating that much a day, Fatso?" Then she got mad.

July 14, 2012 - I dreamt there was a restaurant where anytime a woman worked there alone at night she would get raped but nobody cared or took precautions because it was so "everyday" to them because there were so many rapists running around. In the dream a woman was working alone, and a guy came in and raped her. As he was leaving she cried after him, "Would you like cookies with that?"

July 15, 2012 - I dreamt I was hanging out with Shaq and was flirting with him. He was a big baby in the dream and whined a lot. He got hit in the nose and he started whining, "My nose is broken!" even though there was nothing wrong with it. So I made fun of him and was like, "Oh God! You're right. It's so hideous and messed up looking and crooked!" And then he was like, "Nuh-uh! There's nothing wrong with it!" And then everyone laughed.

July 17, 2012 - I dreamt Mikayla had a new Barbie doll with a butt made of rubber instead of plastic "for a more authentic feel."

July 20, 2012 - I dreamt that an Asian girl was living with us, like a foreign exchange student or something. She was nice and sweet and quiet and we all liked her. Then one day Murphy was shot a bunch of times with a nail gun and she admitted it and then she went crazy and screamed, "I hate you all!"

July 25, 2012 - I dreamt that there was a window leading onto a roof at a school. Sometimes when you went through it it would take you to a very Oz-like world. Then I dreamt that there was a little machine that dropped 6-inch diameter colorful bubbles. You could drop one in one place and one in another place then you could jump into the bubbles and come out the other one.

July 26, 2012 - I dreamt that it was a post-apocolyptic world. In the dream there were a bunch of hill-mountains, and there were two groups of people. One group lived in houses at the bottom of the mountains, and the other lived in burrows in the middle of the mountains. Wild baboons lived on the peaks. I was the middle group, and we were fighting against both the house people and the baboons. It was really dangerous fighting against both groups so that's why we lived in burrows. We would go on raids against the house people and then come running back to hide in our holes. I was hiding out with Joe and another guy after a raid and they left for another one. I stayed behind to sleep. The other guy came back without Joe because Joe was killed by baboons. In the dream I was like, "That's weird, he was one of my best friends and I don't even feel sad that he died. I wonder why?" Then I woke up and realized it was because I was dreaming.

July 28, 2012 - I dreamt that my family bought me a cake for my graduation party, but ate half of it for lunch. I was sad and upset that they would ruin the cake because I couldn't serve half a cake at my party, but they said it wouldn't matter. They laughed and said no one would be surprised by the cruddy half-cake since only a couple people would show up and they would expect everything to stink anyway.

July 29, 2012 - I dreamt I was helping Joe pick out deodorant by smelling his armpit after he tried them on.

July 30, 2012 - I dreamt I was trying to steal a drug from a research company. I had to make a key to get it. Then I had to sneak a way into the most secret part of the building where they kept it. I had to go really fast because alarms were going off. When I got to the place where they kept they secret drugs I also found a room full of people they were testing their drugs on illegally. They were being kept prisoner. As I was leaving guards showed up. I beat most of them up really easily as I was leaving but when I was almost outside they locked a door and trapped me. After a short fight they arrested me and took me outside to their police car. Since I was outside again I beat them up and escaped. I got in a van and was driving away through traffic but they were chasing and attacking me. Then a bunch of my criminal friends showed up and drove so I could jump from roof to roof on their cars and escape.

August 1, 2012 - I dreamt that they made little plastic children's snowblowers that really worked. I was trying one out and saying, "Wow! They actually work, and are easy to use! Kids will love these things!" But then I ran over some toys left in the driveway and it shredded them to bits, and I kinda wondered to myself what would happen if you gave such dangerous things to children and wondered if they were really such a good idea.

Nuttier'n a Peanut Factory


Kelly said...

I think she might be onto something with "the more authentic feeling" Barbie butts.

Chris said...

Was she one of the writers for "Lost"?

A Lady Reveals Nothing said...

Of course my favorite is the poop-diaper one, but I also loved how Hanna was so righteously indignant in the Concentration Camp at the "fat" teacher.

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