New to A Lady Reveals Nothing? You've missed SO MUCH. Not to worry. Every Sunday, I dig through the archives to repost an old favorite. Mostly because I'm too lazy to come up with new content every single day. This story originally appeared on June 6, 2011.
Tonight after work Hanna and my mom and I were staying up late and enjoying an episode of America's Next Food Network Star (or whatever it's called) and I had to go pee. So I went pee. I'm peeing, and suddenly I hear my dad, who has been asleep for hours and hours whisper, "who's in the bathroom?" And I'm like, 'oh jeez' because as you all know, he had his PROSTATE removed last year because of cancer and all we can talk about since is his pee problems, so I had to hurry and finish up peeing as a courtesy to my post-cancer dad. I even decided to run out and wash my hands in the kitchen. As I ran out, I was horrified to find him in nothing but his black whitey-tighties.
**So my whole life I grew up seeing my dad in his underwear. The truth is, they were extremely threadbare. Mostly us kids just didn't look, because, gross! Apparently my mom had a conversation with him pretty recently about how if he was going to insist on walking around in his underwear they were going to have to be black from here on out. (And as a sidebar to me, she said the trick to get your husband to wearing a different kind of underwear is, 'you gotta throw away the old ones'.)**
Anyway, I sort of thought that would be a funny Facebook status, you know, seeing my dad in his 'black' whitey-tighies...and so I started up the computer...and decided a blog post would be better, and right as I was typing, my dad stumbled out to the kitchen in a robe. My. mom's. pink. robe. The. one. so. short. it. barely. covered. his. black. whitey. tighties.
Me and Hanna and my mom started laughing so hard, so so so so so hard that we were laughing until we cried. My stomach started to hurt as I ran for the camera. But he's so used to my blog as a source of teasing him now that he instinctively hid behind the refrigerator door so as to thwart my effort at a photo.
"Please dad! Please! I'll give you all my tips from tonight if I can just take a photo of you in that tiny pink robe!"
"KADY! KADY! KADY...KADY kady kady KADY!...STOP IT! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? Why are all the lights on? DON'T YOU DARE TAKE A PICTURE! All the lights are on upstairs!"
So then I tried to get a video because he's so hilarious, but my camera was stolen so I'm using my mom's camera and I don't know HOW to take a video, or furthermore, how to get the flash to work so I didn't get a dad gum photo of my dad in a tiny pink robe.
After he begged me not to blog about this by telling his side of the story--
--and to be fair, here is his side of the story:
"You wake up in the middle of the night to go pee after a HORRENDOUS surgery, and somebody's in the bathroom. Somebody's ALWAYS in the bathroom. Anyway you get made fun of...but your throat is dry and you need some water, so you try to cover up, but it's dark and who knows where your real robe is, so you just grab what you think is your robe and...Kady it's a very small house. It's not meant for a tourist 'traction."
So later on he came out in a Smith & Wesson T-shirt with a gun on the front that says "BANG" and plaid pajama pants, slippers, and a button down Carhartt hunting shirt. Noticing me noticing him, he said "You have to dress to the nines just to get water nowadays."
And then my mom said, "Listen, Rock Hudson would grab frilly Doris Day robes and wear them." But she must have forgotten Rock Hudson was gay.