Tuesday, September 10, 2013

It's Gonna Take a Whole Lotta Whiskey...

Many years ago (when Laura came home and Mary was blind) my friends and I went to a NOFX concert at First Avenue in Minneapolis. We parked in the Target Center parking ramp (as lazy fans are wont to do). Well: the Target Center parking ramp stairwells were pretty gross. In those days, everybody knew that.

I forgot for a second and used the handrail to assist in pulling myself up the stairs. My friend Mitch saw me and gave me a nice preachy lecture about how you should never, ever touch anything in those stairwells because all the local bums come in there and pee all over the place. In a fit of I-don't-know-what because I'm a total germphobe, I looked ol' Mitch right in the eyeballs and, without losing eye contact, licked a good three foot section of handrail. 

Later, I poured about a half bottle of whiskey onto my tongue (I suppose a few drops also spilled down my throat), hoping it would wash away the herpes, HIV, chlamydia and pregnancy I was sure to contract.

Why am I thinking of this, just now, 15 years later?


Better not watch Wrecking Ball, her latest video. It'll make you hate yourself.
 Hey, Miley: quit licking stuff, Dummy. There's not enough whiskey in the world to wash out my eyeballs.


Liesl said...

She has the grossest tongue too!Its too big and white. Gag. AND this washing my eyeballs with whiskey idea intrigues me.

Nutrideath said...

Yes, whiskey is a great idea. I always cook with it when making chicken. By that, I mean whenever I cook chicken I drink whiskey for the same reason - what if I accidentally lick my fingers & have raw chicken juice on them? The whiskey is just insurance.

Love your blog, by the way.

Your latest cyberstalker,


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