In honor of my last night at the restaurant, I bring you just some of the hilarious hi jinx I pulled at the restaurant this summer.:
A gentleman asked me for some Heinz 57, just as I was pulling it out of my apron for the table. Before he saw it in my hand, I quickly did the "pull a quarter from behind the kid's ear" trick, only it was a Heinz 57 bottle and a man's ear.
*I perfected this one last night with a lady. First I said, "I'm sorry, there's something behind your ear." and then produced the bottle.
I dropped a drink behind the bar. Luckily the glass didn't break, but there was a mess of ice and liquid all over the floor. Bend over and wipe it up? Not me. Instead, I threw two towels on the floor and skated around, finishing off with a nice Michael Jackson Moonwalk.
My neighbors and my mom and dad came out last night. My dad put his cowboy hat on his seat for storage. After I took everybody's food orders, I bent down, lifted the hat slightly and asked, "and for you sir?"
A man was bellied up to the bar and asked if we had personal sized pizzas because he was starving but didn't want a whole pizza. We didn't, so he decided on a whole pizza. He asked how long it would take. I told him ten minutes, ran back and threw one in the pizza oven, which, I didn't realize, shuts off automatically at 11pm. When I went back to check on it, I ended up having to move the pizza to a toaster oven. I came back out and told him 5 more minutes. He was like "WHA?", cuz he was starving. But he was a good sport and we were laughing about it. When I gave him the 2 minute mark he said, "you know what? just bring it out. As is." So I did. And luckily it was perfectly cooked. But just to make sure the mood stayed light, I delivered it with a bite taken out of one of the pieces.
If you accidentally give somebody a Bud Light instead of their requested Budweiser, ask them if they *wink* are sure...you know...and look at their gut. (This only works on skinny people. Do not, I repeat, do not try this on a non-skinny person.)
Is all this why they are letting you leave earlier than planned?
Why have you not been fired??? And does New Orleans know what it's getting itself into?
Fired?? don't you mean, why have you not been PROMOTED??
I forgot one:
Yesterday a customer asked for a joke. I told him:
"What do you do when your pad starts on fire?...
You throw it on the ground and tamp on it."
Post a Comment