In honor of my last night at the restaurant, I bring you just some of the hilarious hi jinx I pulled at the restaurant this summer.:
A gentleman asked me for some Heinz 57, just as I was pulling it out of my apron for the table. Before he saw it in my hand, I quickly did the "pull a quarter from behind the kid's ear" trick, only it was a Heinz 57 bottle and a man's ear.
*I perfected this one last night with a lady. First I said, "I'm sorry, there's something behind your ear." and then produced the bottle.
I dropped a drink behind the bar. Luckily the glass didn't break, but there was a mess of ice and liquid all over the floor. Bend over and wipe it up? Not me. Instead, I threw two towels on the floor and skated around, finishing off with a nice Michael Jackson Moonwalk.
My neighbors and my mom and dad came out last night. My dad put his cowboy hat on his seat for storage. After I took everybody's food orders, I bent down, lifted the hat slightly and asked, "and for you sir?"
A man was bellied up to the bar and asked if we had personal sized pizzas because he was starving but didn't want a whole pizza. We didn't, so he decided on a whole pizza. He asked how long it would take. I told him ten minutes, ran back and threw one in the pizza oven, which, I didn't realize, shuts off automatically at 11pm. When I went back to check on it, I ended up having to move the pizza to a toaster oven. I came back out and told him 5 more minutes. He was like "WHA?", cuz he was starving. But he was a good sport and we were laughing about it. When I gave him the 2 minute mark he said, "you know what? just bring it out. As is." So I did. And luckily it was perfectly cooked. But just to make sure the mood stayed light, I delivered it with a bite taken out of one of the pieces.
If you accidentally give somebody a Bud Light instead of their requested Budweiser, ask them if they *wink* are sure...you know...and look at their gut. (This only works on skinny people. Do not, I repeat, do not try this on a non-skinny person.)