Well-meaning, but possibly drunk woman to younger, single man:
"When you start looking for a wife, here's what you look for. Trust me. I know this, I have kids. First, no illigitimate babies. Second, no student loan debt. You marry somebody with student loan debt, guess what? you're gonna be stuck paying it off. Third, no credit card debt. You marry somebody with credit card debt, guess what? you're gonna be stuck paying it off. Fourth, no midgets in the family. What?! You think I'm kidding? You don't want midget babies. Trust me."