New to A Lady Reveals Nothing? You've missed SO MUCH. Not to worry. Every Sunday, I dig through the archives to repost an old favorite. Mostly because I'm too lazy to come up with new content every single day. Enjoy! This story first appeared October 11, 2008:
Favorite things about flying:
1. The plane usually is going somewhere cool.
2. Walking around with just a tiny backpack and everybody else has huge wheeled luggage.
3. Feeling independent and cool being a lone traveler.
4. Being able to cure myself of ear-popping by holding my nose and blowing out my ears.
5. Farting, but knowing nobody would ever blame it on cute lil' me.
6. Day dreaming about a crash where I am the hero, and I selflessly help everyone out of the plane. Sometimes I die, but sometimes I become the surrogate mother of the baby I saved who had no other family.
Least favorite things about flying:
1. All the farting that goes on. SHEESH! Maybe the atmospheric pressure change causes gaseous noxiousicity to happen...I don't know but planes constantly smell like poop.
2. Sitting next to people who don't have the good sense to put their arms in front of them, rather than in my seat; when I clearly am leaning waaaaay over to make room for their dumb arm.
3. Poor little babies crying the whole way.
4. Having to pay for ginger ale :(
5. Waking up and noticing that I had my head leaned back and my mouth open.
6. Waking myself up with a snort.
7. Having to pee so bad and the stupid Fasten Seat Belt is ON THE WHOLE TIME.
8. Sitting next to ladies who think their perfume smells so good that they need to bathe in it.
9. Finding wads of hair in your hand when all you wanted was to find the seat belt that fell below the seat.
10. Day dreaming about that crash again, but this time worrying that everybody will push past me and I will get stuck and burn to death.
Which airline made you pay for ginger ale?
Some dumb one in South Africa. Cape Town to Joburg.
I can't tell you how much this post made me laugh. Would it help if I explained that I have crossed the Atlantic 77 times? (And that's just clocking up flights 'twixt Europe and North America...)
Still laughing. Rock on, traveller.
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