New to A Lady Reveals Nothing? You've missed SO MUCH. Not to worry. Every Sunday, I dig through the archives to repost an old favorite. Mostly because I'm too lazy to come up with new content every single day. Enjoy! This story first appeared on August 1, 2011:
My cousin Jacqui takes an elderly woman named Mrs. Osgood into Austin to have therapy about once a month. She is the properest of propers and would certainly NEVER allow her children to use the word fart. One week Jacqui had to bring her daughters River and Willow along for the ride. Jacqui jumped out to pump gas, and as she stood beside her car, heard River say, "One time, when we were in Minnesota, my mom farted so loud it sounded like a tuba!" (p.s. I have heard Jacqui fart and 'tuba' is a perfect description.) Of course, Jacqui laughed hysterically while Mrs. Osgood sat absolutely stone-faced. Later, Jacqui asked Willow why River said that. Willow told Jacqui that she was explaining to Mrs. Osgood about how she was so relieved because she had just passed her standardized testing in math. She had been struggling but Jacqui and Willow prepped and studied and worked very hard and Willow ended up not only passing, but getting a perfect score of 100! Mrs. Osgood said, "your mom must be a very good tutor!" Willow said, "yah, she's the best!" Which reminded River of the time in Minnesota when Jacqui "tuted" so loud it sounded LIKE A TUBA.