Sunday, February 19, 2012

Sunday Favorites: The Great Tampon Cover-Up of 1992.



New to A Lady Reveals Nothing?  You've missed SO MUCH.  Not to worry.  Every Sunday, I dig through the archives to repost an old favorite.  Mostly because I'm too lazy to come up with new content every single day.  Enjoy!  This story first appeared on December 10, 2009.


When I was 15, my first friend to get her drivers' license was Krista.  It was SO much fun to go driving around in her little blue two-door car.  The freedom!  We used to do crazy things like sit on top of the car and loop our legs down through the moonroof and around Krista's headrest while she drove 65 MPH down the road.  Once I got hit in the face with a June bug but that's the worst thing that ever happened, thank goodness.  

Anyway, one day Krista I went to the beach with our friend Maija.  Maija called shotgun and I was in back.  On the way home, while taking a sharp curve on a gravel road, Krista got a little over-zealous and drove way too fast around it.  Suddenly it was like we were on ice.  The car fishtailed from one side of the road to the other.  I gotta hand it to her.  She kept it under control pretty good for a 16-year-old, but eventually lost control and we ended up driving down a steep incline and landing in a swamp.  I have no idea how we didn't roll at the speed we were going.  But we didn't, thank goodness.  The car came to sort of a slow rolling stop and at first only the front tires and hood were under water.  But then we started sliding and water slowly started seeping into the car.  We were screaming like teenage girls as it covered Krista and Maija's feet, then their ankles,  knees, my feet and so on. Scary! Maija had trouble getting her seat belt off.  If we had been upside down in a roll situation...I hate even thinking about that.  But -- all's well that ends well, am I right? (Too soon?)

She got her belt off, thank goodness, and we got out of the car and found ourselves in waist deep water.  I'm not going to lie.  I peed.  Come on.  I was already wet, and waist deep in swamp water, escaping the wreckage of a sinking car.  What would you do in a situation like that?

But that's not the point of this story. 

The point of this story is that Krista had a box of tampons in the back pocket of one of the front seats. Somehow, in the confusion, the tampons escaped their box and we found several floating near the car.  We had to go and get help, obviously, but we couldn't just leave the tampons!  People would know we had our periods!  And so, in an adrenaline filled rush to action, we decided the best plan was to shove them -- one by one -- under the car.  Problem solved.

We climbed out of the ditch and back up onto the gravel road.  We ran a mile down the gravel road with no shoes on and found a house and called for help.  (Oh yah, cell phones hadn't been invented yet).  Anyway, we were rescued.  Krista's parents were pretty cool.  Especially when we told them we were innocently driving very slowly down the gravel road and then suddenly we ended up in the ditch and we had no idea how that happened.

Later, Krista's mom told us that when the tow truck pulled the car up and out of that swamp, thousands and thousands of tampons emerged from under the depths and were released to float on top of the murky water.

3 comments:

THE-LOUDMOUTH said...

HILARIOUS!

Sarah Lindahl said...

I love this story! YOU HAD YOUR PERIOD IN HIGH SCHOOL!!!! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!! AND NOW EVERYONE KNOWS IT!!!! HA HA HA HA!

A Lady Reveals Nothing said...

Actually. KRISTA DID.

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