New to A Lady Reveals Nothing? You've missed SO MUCH. Not to worry. Every Sunday, I dig through the archives to repost an old favorite. Mostly because I'm too lazy to come up with new content every single day. Enjoy! This story originally appeared on January 25, 2010:
An Email from my Auntie Cheryl:
"Ryan (*her son, my cousin) was in football when he was about 12, Minnetonka had white polyester pants. He came home with terrible grass stains on them. I had a bar of this laundry soap from Mexico called Don Maximo that my neighbor gave me. So I rubbed the stains in this soap. It took all the stains out and these pants were spotless. The next day at practice, Ryan was out there in the middle of the field and I could easily pick him out because his pants also were the whitest like neon. He really stuck out and I was really glad about it. Until I had to drive him home. It was only a mile, thank God, but I was told how embarrassing it was for him when he got teased that his mommy cleans his clothes. He said he felt like a little sissy. All the other kids wore dirty ones. And I guess athletes like the sweat image.
Nonetheless, I was pleased and decided if I took this bar of soap to the crotch of my underpants, I could have like new underwear again. Stains be gone!!!!! Sure enough it worked and it really does, I am serious. But the soap bar has granules in it and when I rubbed my favorite pair they were ruined because I rubbed the crotch right out of them.
That was years ago and I single-handedly invented crotchless panties and never got the credit. This is not the first time I invented something and did not get rich off it. You need to patent your ideas. I failed to do this. Someone named Jenna Jameson is living in the Hollywood Hills in a mansion because she jumped right on the idea. That is why I am where I am today, penniless and at the mercy of this cruel world. So I had no choice but to stop using the soap. Emotionally I could never pick up another bar again.
Learn from my mistakes, I always say.
When I have more time I will tell you about the thong."