Monday, May 28, 2012

My Empty Womb

An Unsolicited Confession:

One time, when I was shopping for the 1,000,000th Baby Shower I threw for my 1,000,000th pregnant friend, I was standing at Target in the baby aisle and looking at the tiny little socks and feeling a little bit sorry for myself because I was single and childless and sort of fat that day.  I looked down at my belly...

"if you can't beat 'em, join 'em"


...then I rubbed it, like a pregnant woman should and continued caressing my unborn child while looking at the baby stuff.

Then I probably went home and had a beer.

3 comments:

Chris said...

Considering your slight, girlish figure, you sure can stick that belly out....

Rae said...

Man, I've done the same thing when I was feeling sentimental. I've also done that to creep out boyfriends. I figure it's a good way to weed out the ones who weren't gonna stick around anyway.

You're Lucky I Don't Have a Gun... said...

Lol- this post is funny.

I'm in the "I hate my barren insides" boat right now. Every time I get an ultrasound (for non-baby reasons, FYI), I imagine it's going to look like all the shit that collects in that tray at the bottom of the toaster. An then the doc will be like "WTF is that?!" and then I'll be like "I'M NOT PAYING YOU TO MAKE FUN OF ME, OKAYYY??!!" and then I'll grab my old elastic-poking-out-everywhere undies and jam.

Anyway.

It looks like I may have gone off on a tangent here...

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