"Did I ever tell you you're my Aurora Borealis?"
"How much more do you want me to say before I fall asleep?"
On therapy: "Like myself, for instance...self secure. Now people say that means you're not if you think you are. But I wouldn't go to somebody and say, 'I pissed on the grass. Is that OK?'"
"I want to be humble. But it's hard to be humble when everybody else is a dummy and you're the only smart one."
"It was one bottle of wine and two whiskeys. It takes all day to water the lawnd! <sic> What do you think this is? I'm not a one-acre trailer house."