No Posty

So I've been a little negligent with the postings lately. It's mainly because my time here in Minneapolis has come to an end and I am moving out of the cozy little basement apartment I've been banished to for the last seven months on Saturday. As a result my dance card has been completely full trying to soak in as much Minneapolis and time with friends as I can before I leave.

*sob

Gonna miss my fake "parents", Larry and Chris...thanks guys for the safe warm cozy bed. And thanks for letting me stay for seven months when we really only agreed to two. Love you!

Sunday Favorites: A Difficult Choice

New to A Lady Reveals Nothing? You've missed SO MUCH. Not to worry. Every Sunday, I dig through the archives to repost an old favorite. Mostly because I'm too lazy to come up with new content every single day. Enjoy! This story originally appeared on April 17, 2011 when I was living in Brazil:

Unfortunately this baby cockroach and centipede made friends right under my kitchen table, and so I had to brutally murder one and set the other one free.  A terrible decision, 'which one lives and which one dies'...I didn't have time!  Did I make the right decision?  Was making my decision based on not wanting to feel the centipede squish in my hand the right basis?

This may haunt me until the day I die.

I may move to New York City and meet a handsome man and pretend it never happened, but he'll sense something is wrong...and finally, one alcohol-ridden night, I'll tell him. 

Are you getting these Sophie's Choice references, or are they wasted on you, you idiot?  Maybe they're wasted on you because I don't remember much about that movie...just the moving to New York City and the pretending it never happened.  I really can't remember how she told him, and if there was alcohol involved.  Who's the idiot now?

This Made Me Die

I'm gonna miss mis sobrinos...

Summer-isms, Vol. 40

"Jay Leno is still on tv ??"

"I hate getting bad massages in other  countries."

"Don't you guys feel young again?"

"I think half of that band makes my coffee."

"I have three pet peeves in life: number one when people ride with their bike seat too low...what are my other pet peeves?"

"You Can Stop it Now, Beth. Nobody's Looking At You."

In high school, my best friend Beth Lindahl used to make me die laughing by making faces at me and never cracking a smile until I peed my pants. One day in Health class, she must have been trying to get my attention but I must not have been looking at her because Miss Stadum yelled out to her (over the silent din of a class full of kids who were reading or something):

"YOU CAN STOP IT NOW BETH. NOBODY'S LOOKING AT YOU."

_____

I was reminded of that story this evening...

I went with some friends to go and see the Walker Art Center's last installation of Music and Movies in the Park. Barrio restaurant in downtown Minneapolis sets up their food truck at these events, and it was there that I had my Second and Third Dinners this evening.

As I approached for Third Dinner, I noticed that the food truck employee was wearing a "Nacho Libre"-type mask and was yelling "HOLA!" at the customers in a "BOO! (scared you)"-type fashion, and I was really not into it.

So I stood there looking at the menu, while this guy waited for me to notice him and his dumb mask. I wasn't impressed, but I could tell out of the corner of my eye that he really wanted me to notice him. I couldn't be bothered and so without taking my eyes off the menu I said, 

"I SEE YOUR DUMB MASK. OK?"

...and then I took this photo without his permission.

Say Goodbye to my Freckle-Stache!

You may remember I have a slight dermatalogical issue on my upper lip that I affectionately call my "freckle-stache". Scientifically, I believe it's called "hyperpigmentation" or "excess production of melanin" caused by "sun damage". Basically my upper lip is the one place on my entire body where I have successfully been able to get a tan.

Here's me after four months of continued sun exposure (albeit under a sun hat and with 70+ SPF on every inch of my body) in Central America. Freckle-stache in full force:

And here's me after four months of continued 75 hour work weeks in a Minnesota mortgage company office with no natural sunlight (albeit covered up with a large amount of Bare Esscentuals Bare Minerals powder). Freckle-stache in full force:

Well.  Today I read on NPR that the Chinese have come up with a very handy solution to my problem. It's called the "Face-kini" and it's all the rage on the beaches of China. You can buy one for $4.00 or make one yourself with old clothes. Check it out:

Click here to read the full story.

Another thing you'll learn from the article is that the Chinese like indoor pools better because they don't want to get a tan. That would make you seem poor like a common worker. But the pools are overcrowded and unsanitary and test very high for UREA, which you may recall is the chemical in URINE, which we usually call PEE here in America.

Click here to read THAT full story. EW.

Sunday Favorites: Ben Affleck, You're the Man of My Dreams

New to A Lady Reveals Nothing? You've missed SO MUCH. Not to worry. Every Sunday, I dig through the archives to repost an old favorite. Mostly because I'm too lazy to come up with new content every single day. Enjoy! This story originally appeared on March 13, 2011:



About a month ago, I had a dream that I was getting ready to fall asleep in my Costa Rica bedroom, like face-down.  I remember that my elbows were at my sides and I made fists by my face.  Picture that position, because it's very important to the story.  Anyway, Ben Affleck came up, got into the same exact position, and cozied up right next to me, snuggled in, resting his head by my left armpit.

I was worried that my breath stunk, because come on, it's Ben Affleck, so I turned my face away from him, but still allowed the snuggling.  But I forgot about my armpit.  Because then he went, "ahhhwwwhhhh" in horror and disgust at the smell, pulling his head away.

Sorry, Ben Affleck.

Fancy Ladies

These two fancy ladies just pulled the trigger on a flight from Istanbul, Turkey to Colombo, Sri Lanka for sometime mid-November.

What a couple of Hoity Toits.



"Yah, it's like my body odor doesn't even smell. At all."



What About "Real" Dangers?

Some people like to visit cemeteries in New Orleans because of their incredible history and also the unique way bodies are entombed aboveground because of the floodplain. It was something that Summer and I "meant to do" while we lived there but we didn't for two reasons:

• We couldn't be bothered.
• We were told we'd get mugged.

"Apparently" there are "people" who "watch" tourists going into the cemeteries and "follow" them in and "rob" them. We were skeptical about that but more than one person told us about this "danger" and others that usually turned out to be the warnings of crazy paranoid people.

Well, last weekend we rented a car so that we could show Laurissa a few of our favorite things outside the French Quarter and I thought it might be nice to find Uncle Lionel's burial place. I found on the Google that he was laid to rest at Mount Olivet, which is not too far from City Park, where we were already going. Summer reminded me about the "muggings" and I decided to be a grown up lady and call our Hotel's Concierge and ask if he would recommend tourists visiting a local cemetery.

The conversation went something like this:

Me: "Hi, we're guests of the hotel and we were wondering if you would recommend visiting a local cemetery. We had heard that it could be dangerous for tourists."

Concierge: "No! You don't want to go there. It's getting dark."

Me: (yikes...could the people be right?...but it's only 5pm...) "Well, we'd like to pay our respects to Uncle Lionel who was laid to rest at Mount Olivet and were wondering if that would be safe."

Concierge: "Well that's a great idea but it's getting dark. You don't want to go to a cemetery after dark."

Me: "We would be going right now. In the daylight. Would we be safe?"

Concierge: "No. You don't want to go to no cemetery!  That's Creepy."

Me: (ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...he's talking about ghosts...) "What about real dangers? Are we going to get mugged?"

Concierge: "No. Why would you get mugged?"

So we drove over to Mount Olivet. It was closed. FYI, when I Googled information regarding his whereabouts, I learned an interesting piece of weird information. They stood Uncle Lionel up at his wake. No joke.

Well at Least He Has a Customer...

Guess Where I Am?

My favorite city ever.

Here's a little tribute post I did on October 3, 2011:

In no particular order, an incomplete list of things I love about New Orleans.

1)  Complete and utter disregard for traffic laws.  

What's that vehicle, you ask?

It can't be.  Can it?

Yep.  It's an old man.  In a wheelchair car.  Driving down the middle of the street.

And then crossing that street.

2)  Shade tree philosophers.  Here, the "median" or grassy area between two lanes of traffic is called the "neutral ground".  We found out yesterday that the name comes from ancient times when the two opposing sides (American and the French, Creole, Native American sides) were divided along Canal Street.  The grassy area was a "neutral ground" between the sides, and I believe it was where the Louisiana Purchase itself was signed.  Anyway, lots of dudes sit in the neutral ground and talk all day long.  Some set up chess games, some have picnic tables and some just sit on overturned milk crates:

3)  Beads everywhere!  Even in the trees!

4) My coworkers.  I love them.   :(

Left to right: Brandon, Annie, Ernest, Summer (but she doesn't count because she's coming with me).

5) Soul Food:

Fried catfish, shrimp, baked mac and cheese with sausage and green beans from Gloria's Place.

6) The yummy smell of my street when they wash it with soapy sudsy water once a week:

7) The skyline view from the ferry to Algiers:

8)  Our apartment....

9) The way people alter the One Way signs.  Some say "One Day", some say "One Love", etc.

10) Distinguished gentlemen having a chat on the street corner.

11) Lionel Batiste.  Oh yah.  I met the coolest cat in the French Quarter last night.  This is the third time I've seen him and each time he keeps getting cooler and cooler.  I kept my cool though as I asked for this photo.  Kind of.  I think I asked him to marry me.  If I wasn't on my way to Darlington, I just might have had a chance.

         

I dare you to show me anybody cooler than Mr. Batiste.

I will be back.  Oh yes, I will.  Lionel and I This city and I belong together.  

It's been not quite a year...and I'm back!

Friday Blog Love

Can you believe this girl's reaction to NOT winning a gold medal? It was so. Just. Wow. Anyway, I absolutely LOVE this new tumblr page which puts McKayla in impressive situations and there she is, not impressed.  Check it out.

Hal-isms, Vol. 28

"Yah, I'm sure he'll be there. Struttin' around with his thumbs under his suspenders."

"Do I think I'm superior to everybody else? Of course."


...And in response to last week's wildly popular "Best, Most Epic Hal-isms. Ever.":

"I don't know why you make all that crap up."

"That's not my voice. That's a stranger."

"I will refute it to anybody who asks, but nobody's asking."




Here's another 15 second recorded voicemail:

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My mom had to snap this photo for us girls, because my dad NEVER wears shorts. (As evidenced in the change in color of his skin from leg to arm.)

Summer-isms, Vol 39

"You know I couldn't wait to get this bra on and now I can't wait to get this bra off."

"I feel like every man uses Head & Shoulders."

"If I don't do it fast I don't do it at all."

"I have an invincibility complex."

"You're the worst public speaker I've ever seen in a corporate environment." (I've never publicly spoken in a corporate environment.)

From Our Readers

You Guys: The most wonderful thing happened.

I got a Fedex package.  From a reader.

And it was.

The most.

Amazing.

Present.

Ever:

He was afraid I already had it.

He forgot I don't have anything.



THANKS D. You sort of made my year.

The Meeps

Miyo and I hung out again this afternoon. My favorite quote of the day?:

 "I farted a lot of times today."




 

Sunday Favorites: Life is Good

New to A Lady Reveals Nothing? You've missed SO MUCH. Not to worry. Every Sunday, I dig through the archives to repost an old favorite. Mostly because I'm too lazy to come up with new content every single day. Enjoy! This gloat originally appeared on April 11, 2011:

Every once in a while, I have a moment, where...I'm laying on a rock, in the most beautiful place in all the world, and I think, 'all my friends back home are working today. And I'm in Brazil. Fishing in the ocean with an Argentinian. Speaking Spanish.' 

Cheating with the Posting and the Pudding Pops

Just a little Cheat Post for you today -- check out Hobo Siren's post about what we're up to today:



I've done this race four times already.  Here were my times:

2006 - 2:21
2007 - 2:18
2008 - 2:31
2009 - 2:43

Odds are good I'll be pushing three hours for 2012.  Of course I'll let you know. 

UPDATE: 
2012 - 2:29. <---------I will not shake a stick at that.


Here I am in 2006 with my running buddy Brett:

In 2007 Alason got me cupcakes!  

In 2009 I ran with Anna.  Jeez I'd really love to see that 'armpit fat' turn a little bit more into 'side boob', but it just ain't happening.

Break my leg! I mean Break a Leg, Me! 

Whatever.

Shashage Links

I scoured the entire internet again folks. Here's some links for ya.



I love the idea of living naturally, but these people look really dirty.

Funny Olympic diving faces

Haha! Lost people at the Olympics: (thanks Shash)

This Olympic Rings Infographic with world statistics is pretty interesting

These are seriously not photographs

I just realized I have taught THREE little kids how to ride a bike. I'm good at it because I will not let them chicken out. I'm going to have to start using this little kid's inspirational speech: Everybody! If you believe in yourself, you will know how to ride a bike!



Faces of addiction. Yikes.

After biking 150 miles from Duluth to Minneapolis, I can vouch that this topic ain't-no-joke.

Short, Satisfying Little Lenny Kravitz story

How not to kill a cyclist. Share the road, Y'all!

Blow dryer photos (thanks Ashley)

I can't get enough of this stupid blower face stuff.

How 27 Iconic Brands Got Their Names

The Best, Most Epic Hal-isms EVER. (aka Vol. 27)

If recording my Dad's intimate voicemails and sharing them with the world is wrong, then I don't want to be right.

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Hal, in rapid-fire.

And for those of you who need transcription:

12/09/11
"Kady this morning I hear 'are you ready for breakfast, Sweetheart?' Guess who she was talking to? Me or the dog? Bye."

12/14/11
"I don't know if you remember me Kady but when you were a little girl I was your father. I'll...try to call you back."

2/11/12
"Kady. I am truly sick and your mom is laughing. And at ten minutes or twelve minutes to one. I can't take it anymore Kady. [mom laughing] Bye."

2/13/12
"Kady, I'm just callin' you back. Anyway. I shoulda let you tell your side of the stories or whatever, but...ah, God I wanted to say somethin' to ya. Um...well...I love ya. Let's see...what else? I think I'm just gonna shoot myself and so I should tell everybody once I love 'em and then I'll just um...won't have to pay for them dang glasses. Bye."

2/16/12
"Sorry to bother you. It's just your Dad. Bye."

3/16/12
"Kady. Here's one for you to tell the whole gol' dang world: You don't appreciate bladder control 'til you don't have it. Bye."

3/23/12
"Kady, it's your Dad, I found my glasses after a month and a...a month or better."

4/2/12
"Kady it's your Dad. Ah, Bye."

4/6/12
"Kady. Um, look up the word sabbatical you probably know more about it then I do, but, I've been watching these stupid movies where people's daughters disappear. Haaaah...I can't lose much more water, and I'm not talkin' about urine. We gotta talk. Bye."

5/11/12
"It's your dad Kady. I know you're busy and everything else is more important and. Make a buck. Anyway, the house is done as far as the siding and the venting and the sidewalks and the cee-ment. So...I'm just...some guy give me like...34...28...54...62 quarts of wine. So I'm just sittin' here, and there's three quarters of one...quart...Or a fifth, they're probably fifths, but anyway, but whatever they are there's three quarters of one. Now not there. Bye."

6/7/12
"Kady this is your Father and I just want to tell you that I love you and how wonderful it is to have you as a Daughter. I hope it's not the Beta Blocker I took earlier this morning. I hope it's for real...Bye."

6/9/12
"Kady it's your Dad those flowers are startin' to bloom along the Highway. A few here and there. Bye."

6/10/12
"If you've been mentally. Or no, no if you've been kidnapped, would you mentally telepathy me or something? I haven't heard from you! Anyway the flowers along the Highway here now are becoming quite regular the blooming of 'em it's not over with yet or it's not done. Lot left to go but it...they're here Kady and you can see clumps of 'em every once-in-a-while."

6/18/12
"Kady. Another Revelation. I just turned my dogs loose in my yard and they're just running around here. Tearing. The first time in two-and-a-half years other than when YOU let 'em out. And...you know what? It don't seem to matter. They're just havin' fun. Bye."

7/14/12
"Kady it's your Dad, give me a call as soon as you can, will you? Bye."

7/31/12
"Call me or I'm gonna shoot Rowdy. That's the threat. Sick and tired of not hearin' your voice. Bye."

I called him right back.

Kady-ism

After biking 63 miles on the first day of the MS150:

"I'm just going to go to the Country Fresh Deli, call my Mom, and tell her to come and get me."

Actual 'Country Fresh Deli'

Don't Sing

When Summer and I worked in Arizona, it wasn't all spiders and scorpions and gravel-filled water meter pits. There were bathroom breaks at the community pool and FedEx stops where we got to get in the car and drive somewhere. And that's where the magic didn't happen.

(Something hilarious happens at 0:38.)

Sunday Favorites: "Throw the Sheets Away!!"

New to A Lady Reveals Nothing? You've missed SO MUCH. Not to worry. Every Sunday, I dig through the archives to repost an old favorite. Mostly because I'm too lazy to come up with new content every single day. Enjoy! This story originally appeared on December 1, 2009:

I was just reminded of a story about an old roommate...the one who said "gotiate" instead of negotiate, "taminated" instead of contaminated, and "seya" phone instead of cellular phone. One morning she said she felt as if I "belitter" her, instead of belittle. "Lungs" instead of Lunds, and she spelled Ryan's name Ronnie...what a laugh a minute that girl was.

So anyways, one day I was down in the laundry room, and moving my white bed sheets from the washing machine into the dryer. As I reached into the machine for the last items, I found an unidentified black item. "No big deal," I thought...the sheets didn't appear to show signs of color from a black item...but before I threw said unidentified black object into the dryer I kind of looked closer to find out exactly what it was. As I looked closer, I recognized it less and less and then finally realized it was a pair of my roommates' underwear. I screamed and cried and freaked out imagining the crotch part of her underwear rubbing up against the part of the sheets that my face touch, and then I calmed myself down, no doubt rationalizing that at least now that they've been washed it's not that bad that I've got them in my hand. Then I rechecked the washing machine for any last items to put in the dryer. And there. Stuck. To the side. Of the inside. Of the machine. Was a pad.

I called Kasey and FREAKED out. "What should I DOOOO????!!!?!", I screamed into the phone.

"THROW THE SHEETS AWAY!!", she replied.

Honorably Mentioned...

I kinda love being featured just about anywhere on the Interwebz. But this particular one made me proud...


I got a mention on The Lifetime Fitness Healthy Way of Life blog!

Pete and the Beautiful Hard Polished Rock

I was complaining on facebook, as I sometimes do, that I accidentally sat on a pee-toilet-seat today. This would normally NEVER happen to me because I am a pretty diligent inspector/liner. But I was out of sorts and very stressed out (it was another 14-hour-day folks. This round-the-world trip isn't going to save for itself.)

Anyway, my friend made me feel a little better when he reminded me it's not as bad as what happened to my brother Pete when he was a little boy.

Apparently Pete was walking along and found a beautiful hard polished rock in the snowbank. He liked it so much he wanted to keep it. So he picked it up with his little kid hand and stuck it in his little kid coat pocket.

Two days later he stuck his little kid fingers back in his little kid coat pocket to find that beautiful hard polished rock and pulled out a handful of poop.

"That boy ain't right."

Summer-isms, Vol. 38

"I didnt notice my caretaker was carrying a gun. Because I was too busy petting his pit bull." 

"You just got to wonder about some people when they go jeans shopping."

"He's always really quiet, and I'm like, 'shouldn't we at least be smiling at each other? We both have these tiny dogs.'" 

"I don't do 'nature struggle' stories."

"That was back when children were men."

Thanks a Lot, Siri

Has Siri ever embarrassed you?

Last night I was texting Summer (I think we were talking about how when you've decided to make a significant purchase and you're sick about spending a lot of money it's hard to be nice to the sales people. Impossible to even crack a smile.) Anyway, that's not the point of the story.

I was working late and walking to get dinner at Subway. I was using Siri's voice text so I didn't have to text-and-walk-and-get-hit-by-a-car. And then Siri kept on a-recognizing what I said:

In my defense, I did not say "Hi I love a foot-long..." I said "Hi I'll have a foot-long..."

Later that night, Summer went on to run 12.1 miles. (We're training for an August 4th half marathon.) I did not. I worked late and ate 12.1 inches.

Elevated

Have you ever been so shocked by something that you aren't speechless, per se, but instead without thinking at all you utter something really stupid?

Like the one time at work when I was alone on the elevator. When I arrived at first floor, the doors opened and I was face-to-chest with the most beautiful man I had ever looked up and laid eyes on. I was so dumbfounded as our eyes locked on one another other that my dry mouth could only faintly utter one word:

"Tall."

In a google image search for this post, I entered 'Don Draper elevator' (naturally) and after finding millions of very handsome yet disappointingly non-elevator images of Don Draper, continued on to find this hilarious yet unrelated video. It gave me a case of the LOLs. Enjoy:

Sunday Favorites: Shut Up, Airport Worker Man.

New to A Lady Reveals Nothing? You've missed SO MUCH. Not to worry. Every Sunday, I dig through the archives to repost an old favorite. Mostly because I'm too lazy to come up with new content every single day. Enjoy! This story originally appeared on June 10, 2010:

On the left, please find my passport photo, taken back when I was Scarlett Johansson.  On the right, a Visa Photo I had to have taken in New Zealand so I could travel throughout Southeast Asia.  After ten tries and a really dumb lady photographer I was getting pretty irritated.  Plus tired?  I don't know.  The point is...cram it, every Passport-Stamping-Customs-Staff-Member who has ever had me come through their line.  They look at my passport, then at me, then back at my passport, and then they say (yes, they ALL say it):

"You shouldn't have cut your hair."

My drivers' license photo is almost identical to the one on the left.  And, since tomorrow is my b-day, I have to renew my license and get a new photo.  Crap.  As far as taking good photos, well...it's like Summer would say.  "You're not very good at this."

Summer-isms, Vol. 37

"I just spilled a third of my drink down my shirt. It felt amazing."

"Tater tots have great mouth-feel."

"I hate men. I'm a manhater. Don't tell anybody."

"She sure likes little midgets, doesn't she?"

"I miss Bill Clinton as our president."

Get your Kady-isms fix right here.

Grandma's Marathon 2007

In an effort to give up on shut down my Super Athlete site, I'm moving a few stories over here to A Lady Reveals Nothing. I wrote this email to my friends and family after having finished my second marathon, Grandma's 2007:

Well, I finished. Here are the official stats:

6980 People finished. I was 6388th.

2565 Females finished. I was 2251st.

My clock time was 5:39:19, but my actual chip time was 5:33:28.

These numbers are nothing to be proud of, but I told my nephew Miles that I won.

A couple of notable items:

• The female winner, Mary Akor, who is exactly my age (30), finished before I hit the half-way point.
• Last year when I trained for Twin Cities I logged a total of 314 miles. I finished that marathon in 4:53:01.This year, while training for Grandma's, I logged a total of 155 miles. (I wasn't able to train as hard due to some injuries laziness.)
• I got mentioned on KFAN on Friday. Not by name, but I was at Famous Dave's where they were broadcasing. Dan Barreiro and I were chatting and I mentioned that I had run Twin Cities and the last six miles were so emotional for me that I couldn't stop crying. I cried for the last six miles and couldn't stop. So, during his broadcast, he was talking about how runners always want to tell you about their bowel movements or gastrointestinal issues during the marathon. He said, "I just talked with a girl, who told me she blubbered the last six miles. She said she was sad, happy, emotional, in pain, feeling awesome, and it made her cry. That I can deal with. Tell me about that. Don't tell me about your poop problems." (or something to that effect.) If he only knew me, right? Also I met Chris Hawkey, he was running his first marathon and cohosts the KFAN morning show with Mike Morris. He was very nice and I actually got to have dinner with he and his wife and their kids as part of a larger group on Friday night.
• I got a signed copy of Dick Beardsley's book, Stay the Course. He set the course record back in 1979 I think.  2 hours 9 minutes! No one has ever beaten that record.
• When I got to the starting line I had to go to the bathroom, so I stood in line at a biffy behind about 40 people. When I finally got in there I tucked my sunglasses in my waist pack, and of course they fell on the floor. Right below the urinal. In a puddle of pee. Thank goodness I had a purell wipe or I would have had to throw them away.
• Entering the starting area was very surreal. There were 7500 people. People as far in front of me as I could see, and people behind me as far as I could see. This of course is when I jumped up and down to see, because just standing there I saw someone's back in front of me and someone's chest behind me. haha
• I ran the first six miles in one hour (or, 10 minutes per mile). So I definitely went out of the gate too fast - my overall average was about 12:47 minutes per mile.
• It was HOT. And SUNNY. The temp at the start of the race was 66 degrees and finished in the high 70's. I really like it to be in the 50's or maybe 60's for a long run.
• Burt Carlson is 81 years old. I saw him throughout the race, sometimes me passing him, sometimes him passing me. It was his 25th Grandma's, and his 287th Marathon overall. Still I felt like if I didn't beat him I was going to have to give up running forever. Well I did beat him. By like five minutes, too. Take that ya ol' sucker!
• I met Al Franken. I saw him along the course twice. The first time it was too late and I didn't get a chance to say hello, but the second time I saw him I was on the same side of the road as him. I introduced myself and we shook hands. That was pretty cool. I felt bad because his hands were like perfectly dry and soft and I was sweating like a pig, had rubbed vaseline under my armpits to prevent chafing, had wiped my sweaty nose (not the snotty part of my nose, but the sweaty part of my nose) a million times, had high fived about 500 runners, in other words my hands weren't clean. At all.
• I saw two ambulances, one lady down with people hovered around, another lady delirious and not able to put her shoe back on. I saw a guy running with the American flag, I saw a guy running backwards, I saw a girl with huge underwear over her shorts that said "granny panties". I saw two speed walkers. I saw a bunch of "50 staters" - guys who had run a marathon in all 50 states. It was such a fun, cool experience. I'm glad it's over though. A big Thank You to Marie M., who ran the entire race - every single step - with me and she never minded if I needed to stop and rest or stretch or whatever.
• My sister Kasey came to watch me, and she saw a guy whose shirt said "Phillipines". So she screamed at the top of her lungs "GO PHILLIPINES!" and then her husband Ben told her that his shirt actually said, "Phillipians 3:16".

Stop here if you don't like my potty humor stuff.

• On Sunday, the day after the race, Kasey and I went to the public hotel restroom quick and when we walked in were hit in the face with the most horrible stench you have ever smelled. We walked around the corner to find a pile of what looked like vomit on the floor of the first stall. Upon further inspection, it wasn't vomit at all. Somebody had to go number two and didn't make it. There was stuff on the floor, the toilet, everywhere. We went back into the hallway and informed a janitor, and he got on his walky-talky and we heard him say he had a "code brown" in the ladies room. How funny is that?